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To be waiting for the perfect proposal

(110 Posts)
Oopsiedaisie Tue 19-Mar-13 11:29:00

Nearly three years ago when I found out I was pregnant it was a surprise but both DP and I were very happy about it. I did say that I wished we were married already though. A year later DP proposed but not in a remotely romantic way (didn't get down on one knee, in a busy public place and hadn't even planned a meal or anything afterwards). I couldn't hide my disappointment and so we had a big emotional discussion and he agreed he would do it again more romantically. Almost two years later and I'm still waiting. (Admittedly in that time we've had another child and moved countries twice). Every so often I bring it up and he says he wants to do it but hasn't had time/ doesn't know what to do/ was hurt after last time etc... Last time we spoke about it he essentially admitted it was his laziness that meant it hadn't happened so far. I am growing increasingly resentful that he can find time for rugby/football/wasting time on a million other things but can't find time to be romantic JUST ONCE. But! Am I being unreasonable and a princess? should I just cut my losses, go down to the registry office and get it over with? 

detoxlatte Tue 19-Mar-13 21:37:37

My DH proposed three - three! - times.

#1 I had booked a surprise 30th birthday for him, tellin him only that he needed to take two days off work and fun his passport. He's already bought a ring and packe it with his clothes. Weekend was great, and he ha such a good time he forgot to propose! I still count this as one though grin

#2 amazing weekend away, down on one knee, shaking like a leaf, grinning like a monkey.

#3 right after #2 cos I forgot to say yes grin

countrykitten Tue 19-Mar-13 20:06:39

Get him to propose to you on the Jeremy Kyle show - you'll remember that for a while after....

You were really rude to him first time around. I wouldn't be asking again if I were him.

pinkpaws Tue 19-Mar-13 18:35:02

Well i am going to stand up for you i know how you feel day to day life is full of things that are dull and routine but you what one special moment and that moment to be your Dp asking you to be his wife . However i wouldnt bring it up again it really has to come from him or it will mean even less than the first time.

taketheribbon Tue 19-Mar-13 17:35:11

Yes, yabu. Accept that the window for romantic proposals has been and gone, and maybe you can make the first night of your honeymoon the best ever, or get him to carry you over the threshold with a rose clamped between his teeth or something instead? smile

zlist Tue 19-Mar-13 17:12:47

He asked you to marry him, because he wants to marry you - that was romantic.
Flowers, one knee, meal...sound more like a tick-list.
I'm not surprised he felt hurt. I think you owe him an apology - maybe you could organise a night, tell him how much you love him, apologise and ask him if he still wants to get married?

Sillyoldbagpus Tue 19-Mar-13 17:07:38

He asked you to marry you and spend the rest of his life with you. This IS romantic. Start planning a wedding.

BarredfromhavingStella Tue 19-Mar-13 16:59:43

Are you being a princess? Hell yes!!
Life isn't all hearts & flowers & romantic gestures, sounds like you're living in some dream world.
He proposed & you didn't like it, don't blame him for not trying again.

pleasestoptalking Tue 19-Mar-13 16:31:16

My DH proposed to me in a B&B with the romantic words 'shall we do it then?'. I couldn't even see his face, it was very dark.

Lovely though. Romance doesn't have to be grand gestures and stereotypes.

Crinkle77 Tue 19-Mar-13 15:54:15

OP the whole point of a romantic proposal is that it is a surprise. I don't really understand why you want the grand gesture. Do you want this in public where others can see or would you just like him to present you with a nice ring in private or do you have ring yet?

KatieScarlett2833 Tue 19-Mar-13 15:49:48

Serves you right OP

Karma bit you on your arse wink

Now go apologise and get married you numpty grin

DontmindifIdo Tue 19-Mar-13 15:45:27

how about you sit him down, say you think the moment for a big overblown romantic propsal is passed, so would he just like to ask you right now, you'll say yes and get on with wedding planning, spending the money he'd spend on the 'event' on having a perfect wedding or a rather lovely engagement ring instead?

romantic proposals are lovely, but they don't mean you will have a happier marriage - I believe Tony Blair proposed to Cherie while she was in the middle of cleaning the toilet, yet 4 DCs later, for all each of their various great faults, they still seem very happy together.

In fact, some of the most sucessful marriages I know didn't have romantic proposals, perhaps because the couple were focused on being married, not being engaged.

TobyLerone Tue 19-Mar-13 15:39:18

Yabu and a brat.

Pandemoniaa Tue 19-Mar-13 15:36:37

"Am I being unreasonable and a princess? "

Well yes. I'm afraid you are. How many more times does the man have to propose until you decide it is entirely to your satisfaction? Only if I were your partner I'd have gone off the idea altogether by now.

He's asked you to marry him. For fuck's sake get on with it. Stop trying to turn back time.

Floggingmolly Tue 19-Mar-13 15:29:12

You've been very specific about what you want? hmm. A flaming bridezilla before you've even set the date...

mrscumberbatch Tue 19-Mar-13 15:21:49

I can sympathise OP as DP is lazy and popped the question to me, minus a ring, while we were on a train in a 'So eh, should we get married then?' way.

I think that for him to put a bit of effort in just once shouldn't be too much!

That said, I wouldn't want anything in public with lots of people I don't know. Just something thoughtful.

Lueji Tue 19-Mar-13 15:17:02

Have you actually said yes?

I hope you have by now and are planning the wedding. smile

DaemonPantalaemon Tue 19-Mar-13 15:12:57

Dearest Oopsiedaisie

Congratulations on your lovely kids, and on your man. He is your man, and you need to focus on that. The "romantic" proposal and all that is just fairytale wifflewaffle. He wants you, and he wants to be with you. He proposed, you said yes (I suppose), now get ahead with planning your wedding if you want one, and the rest of your life.

Life is never how you plan it to be, and the key is to find joy in what you have.

Good luck! And be happy!

montage Tue 19-Mar-13 15:02:07

Someone asked you to marry him because he loves you so much he wants to spend his life with you. That's why people propose.

Your reply to that was that you don't like the way he asked.

I think you missed the point.

catus Tue 19-Mar-13 14:43:37

Yabu. That poor guy !
Do you realise how nerve racking proposing can be ? I proposed to DH, and I was a mess. Give him a break, please.

Wishiwasanheiress Tue 19-Mar-13 14:32:59

Oh god, ur one of those aren't u? Marry anyone that takes them up the Eiffel Tower. Champagne in fancy restaurant, violinists serenading as u jump from the top of said tower (to be different) amid fireworks....

And then u return and bore the absolute socks off everyone who knows u.

Ur ideas seem very about faced. I recommend wedding classes first. This might not be such a good idea, kids or not...

quoteunquote Tue 19-Mar-13 14:25:39

you could have a jedi wedding and dress up as leia

mungotracy Tue 19-Mar-13 14:20:50

"Am I being unreasonable and a princess? "

yes, yove also undermined any chance of him doing it properly by making that about pressure...... if you are that bothered why don't YOU propose romantically?

TheOriginalSteamingNit Tue 19-Mar-13 14:16:29

Unreasonable and pretty pathetic, I'm afraid. Do you want to get married, or just be proposed to? If the former, get on and bloody do it, since you've both agreed to. If the latter, why would you even want it if the former is not the most important thing - unless you are a child or something.

Lambzig Tue 19-Mar-13 14:09:52

My DH and I were in Bangkok planning to travel to the south for three weeks island lazing. DH had a big proposal planned and had hired a boat and chef to take us to an island for a private dinner a couple of weeks into our holiday. He ended up blurting out a proposal in a pub off the kao San road because it was ruining his holiday thinking about it all the time and he couldn't wait. I think that's much more romantic than what he had planned.

I think three years later the moment has passed for big romance from your partner. I can see why he hasn't done anything about it since then. You probably need to let it go.

comelywenchlywoo Tue 19-Mar-13 14:08:59

Sorry, but YABU, and were cruel to your DP. He probably has the stage-fright now rather than being lazy.

My DH, didn't really "propose" to me as such. At first I was embarrassed if someone asked me as I didn't have a story to tell. Now, 8 years later, I couldn't care less. Stop being a Princess and get married!

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