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to be livid at being told I have no partner are 13 months?

(77 Posts)
brightspark2 Wed 13-Feb-13 00:20:35

Too hurt to cry, too sick to eat or sleep. Apparently I am not anyone's partner, I am undesignated - after six months of partnership level commitment. I have NEVER tried to own him in fact was thanked for my indulgence for three months while he spent most of his time with his mates cos one was leaving. He calls me by this woman's name in bed then swears they don't like me and am banned from the area of his life he has spent most of November and December with (obviously thinking of them not me). Fuck his privacy that is just an excuse to treat me like this - and where the hell does he get off telling me we aren't married and he has no label (ie status) in my life, just more than a friend. Friend with benefits then - arrogant git has nowhere near the level of trust my actual HUSBAND earned - and it's polite to wait til you're offered! He should be so fuckin lucky.

emailed to him 24 hours later

Although there is no legal definition of living together, it generally means to live together as a couple without being married.

(ie bar the odd night back at the Hotel, since the beginning of AUGUST - nearly six months)

You can formalise aspects of your status with a partner

So you are unfair and unreasonable just because you do not want the ex et al finding out you have an undesignated.

There is obviously baggage and issues but you have enjoyed partnership level commitment. Nowhere NEAR the level of trust earned by my actual husband - how dare you?!

I do NOT presume to step into her shoes I was just stupid enough to goby the rest of the world's definition. I acquiesce to your attempt to sabotage the first date FOR ME and your attempt to put me in my undesignated (actually, friend with benefits) place.

I do not and never will agree with your distorted viewpoint.

You do this when you are sleep deprived and choose not to get at least a nap on the day of your night off - as when your money runs out. I get it in the neck with your nasty erroneous conclusions.

I will see you when you have slept and are not being as much of a bastard - now there's a label for you.

That will be some time after Valentine's Day then.


No really. What?

Why do you have to be designated? You can live a perfectly happily life as a single person you know.

OutragedFromLeeds Wed 13-Feb-13 00:25:21

I've got literally no idea, but I hope you feel better soon.

TheSilveryPussycat Wed 13-Feb-13 00:26:11

A very very long time after Valentine's Day I hope. He doesn't sound worth it. Don't do what I did and mistake angst for love...

SashaSashays Wed 13-Feb-13 00:29:00

Does sound a bastard. Don't let yourself be treated like this.

babyhammock Wed 13-Feb-13 00:29:37

just get rid of him!

AudrinaAdare Wed 13-Feb-13 00:29:53

This person is not making you happy or enriching your life in any way.

I hope you are just ranting and will no longer waste any time or energy on this twat.

Booyhoo Wed 13-Feb-13 00:31:55

are you the OW? confused

AnyFucker Wed 13-Feb-13 00:33:46


aldiwhore Wed 13-Feb-13 00:35:14

To be fair to myself I struggled with your very articulate, almost unreadable post... that is definitely my failing.

I feel like saying "Welcome to the world of discovering the person you thought was onside is actually a prick and always was, only now, you can't bury the fact".

Sounds like you've been used. Forget the (very good I think) wording and send an email in layman's terms "You wanker, fuck the fuck off I'm worth more than you're crazy shit".

I can actually find it in me to forgive the 'sex shouting' wrong name, if it happens very very rarely (I think I shouted "Ewen, Ewen McGregor can I have a slice of cheese" in my sleep once)... but not on top of everything else you've said.

Whatever else... he serves his own ends (end more like) and you are the victim of being allowed to assume what a person would naturally assume.

You've been too nice.
He's been a dick. He's used you.

Celebrate. There's nothing to commiserate really is there?

It's awful when it happens but really, you are fucking lucky to shed the tints now.

Rage. You are entitled to.
Cry. Natural.
Do not be told you're foolish even if you've bee made a fool of.

Am I allowed to hug you? If not, the sentiment is there.

IneedAsockamnesty Wed 13-Feb-13 00:36:45

I have apsolutly no idea what your trying to say I've guessed at your boyfriend who lives with you has just said he's not your boyfriend he's just bonking you for fun.

Or you just found out your partner broke up with you 13 months ago.

Either way I'm very keen on hearing more about this,and I'm sure everything will be ok and your not to fret about him doing this he probably has syphilis anyway.

Bogeyface Wed 13-Feb-13 00:39:53

On behalf of myself and others would you mind confirming a few things?

I think you are living together but he has said that you are just "a bit more than friends" rather than committed co-habitees, is that right?
He wants to live with you but doesnt want you to be in his life in a social way, is that right?
Is he ok most of the time but a bastard when he doesnt get his nap? (sounds like my toddler)
Are you "official" in that his family and friends know about your relationship?

His ex and your ex...
where you with your exes when you got together?
Is he still with his? (sounds like it tbh)
Are you divorced or getting divorced?

I get that you are ranting (been there!) but it is a bit confusing!

WorraLiberty Wed 13-Feb-13 00:41:14

I'm sorry you're hurting OP but I'm quite confused at your post confused

WinterWinds Wed 13-Feb-13 00:50:15

OP, Take a few deep breaths and calm down a bit, then come back and try to explain exactly what the problem is.

I get that you are angry but like others here i am totally confused at your post and it's too late in the night for me to try to figure it out (my brain gives up at midnight!!).

Did you try to move on and he stopped the date?

Is he your husband?

twinklesparkles Wed 13-Feb-13 01:01:22

Are you the other woman?? Or did you leave your hubby for him??

Sorry its very confusing hmm

catladycourtney1 Wed 13-Feb-13 01:36:08

Right... you're living with this guy but he's just told you that you're not actually "together," you're just friends with benefits or whatever he wants to call it. He wants to live with you and carry on shagging you, but not actually commit to you in any way and doesn't include you in his social group?

You have an ex-husband, did you leave him for this bloke? And said bloke has an ex too, who he doesn't want to know about you.

He's not normally like this but acts unreasonably when he hasn't had enough sleep.

Anywhere close?

Anyway, if that's the case or something like it, I would say get rid. I know it's not as easy as that when you're living together and there are obviously strong feelings involved, but it seems as if he has been using you. The only reasons I can think of for him to suddenly decide that you aren't actually a couple are either that he has met someone else and is/is wanting to sleep with them, or he has cold feet about the whole thing and wants to get out without feeling too guilty. Either way, not looking good sad

Take your time and try to calm down, don't rush into seeing him again if you don't have to, and try to weigh up the positives of this relationship versus the negatives. Obviously we don't know the whole story but, from this, it doesn't sound like he's worth wasting anymore of your time on.

Eskino Wed 13-Feb-13 01:43:40

Ah, Brightspark, your utter despair comes across very clearly in your post.

I get the gist, if not the details.

Hope you are sleeping now and when you read these messages of support you can respond and let us know what's going on.


MavisSparkle Wed 13-Feb-13 01:54:33

best to get this thread moved to Relationships before the AIBU crowd wakes up.

MsTakenidentity Wed 13-Feb-13 03:55:02


BambieO Wed 13-Feb-13 04:38:00

I too hope you are getting some deserved shut eye OP

FellatioNels0n Wed 13-Feb-13 04:44:34

I take it you are so upset that you had one or two --bottles- glasses of wine? Honestly I have absolutely NO fecking idea what is going on here, but if he makes you this angry/unhappy then you should probably leave him.

It sounds as though he uses you as a convenience. That much I understood.

Justforlaughs Wed 13-Feb-13 05:07:43

No idea at all what your OP was about but wine and thanks and hope you feel better soon!

flow4 Wed 13-Feb-13 05:55:32

Oh bright sad
AIBU probably isn't the best place to be when you're feeling this bad.
Hope you wake feeling better smile

HecateWhoopass Wed 13-Feb-13 06:32:31

Hope you're feeling a bit better this morning.

Sod him.

I struggled a bit with your post blush at first I thought this was a boyfriend who had said this to you and so I typed this -
He said he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, is that right?

That's his choice. I know it's painful but he has that right.

He's been VERY brutal about it though. There's no excuse for the way he's dismissed you.

And as for staying away from the area he lives in - who the hell does he think he is? Don't you bloody DARE! If you have a reason to be there - be there. You cannot even consider obeying that.

It seemed from your post as though you were staying with him, he tells you that you're nothing to him but a warm place to stick his dick, and there's talk of seeing him again? but that can't be right, can it? After he's treated you like that?

Then I wondered if it might be your ex husband who's said this? and he was having an affair at some point in the marriage? If that's the case - sod him. He's nothing to you. He has no right to try to dictate anything to you. Brutal, nasty, vile sack of shit.

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