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to think that telling a lie was the best thing to do in this case

(29 Posts)
lola88 Thu 22-Nov-12 09:19:33

I bumped into my friends abusive ex in town yesterday he has been hunting for her trying to track her down so when i seen him i lied and said i've not spoken to her since august as we fell out over baby clothes i gave her i've deleted her number and have no interest in her i had no idea she's moved, if she gets in touch i will pass on his msg i completely believe he's a changed man bla bla bla.

Her aunt has been in touch with me asking what he said what i said etc etc obviously she just wants to make sure i've not gave my friends address away, i told her what happened and she pretty much had a go saying i should have confronted him told him what an arsehole he is thats he'll never find her basically put him in his place and more or less implied i'm a coward for not telling the truth.

Now AIBU for thinking she is fucking U this is a man who has beat my friend threatened to rape her hit there DS1 abused animals and she seriously thinks me with no one but my 9mo in his buggy is going to tell him what we all think! I honestly think denial of all knowledge of her was best and though listening to him slag off my friend and paint himself as the good guy made me furious i would have gained nothing except a possible beating by confronting him (beating a woman in public would not be a first for him). As it stands he let me go happy in the knowledge i believed his story and know nothing about her is that not for the best?

CotedePablo Thu 22-Nov-12 09:22:32

You did the right thing. Ignore the aunt.

Snorbs Thu 22-Nov-12 09:23:03

You did the right thing. Having a go at him would not have helped matters in the slightest; it would only have antagonised him and worsened the situation.

CaptainBarnaclesDaddyman Thu 22-Nov-12 09:23:14

You did the right thing. You protected your friend, your child and yourself.

picnicbasketcase Thu 22-Nov-12 09:23:46

Absolutely the right thing to do, the aunt is talking out of her arse.

Justforlaughs Thu 22-Nov-12 09:24:48

Give her his address and tell her to feel free to go and say whatever she feels the need to say. YANBU

Pontouf Thu 22-Nov-12 09:25:07

Of course you did the right thing. Why antagonise a man known for violence towards women and children when it's just you and your DC.It's not like he's going to think - "Gosh, she has a really bad opinion of me, I'd better change my ways." It may also have made him more desperate to find your friend and confront her if he think she's been slagging him off to you. Her aunt is a fool.

Inebriatededna Thu 22-Nov-12 09:25:15

I think you did absolutely the right thing both for your own safety and for your friends safety

helpyourself Thu 22-Nov-12 09:25:30

You definitely did the right thing. Silly Aunt.

bulletwithbutterflywings Thu 22-Nov-12 09:26:17

You did the right thing, why put yourself at risk? It's not your battle to fight! You managed to protect your friend and yourself, that is what's important. smile

MrsMangoBiscuit Thu 22-Nov-12 09:29:12

YADNBU, you did the right thing. In your shoes, with my DD there, I would have protected her. If that meant smiling falsely and lying through my teeth, so be it. The Aunt is being ridiculous if she expects you to put yourself and your child in harms way, just to help her make a point.

RabidCarrot Thu 22-Nov-12 09:29:31

You did the right thing, the aunt is a twat, tell her if she is so worried about giving him a mouthful you will send him round to her house and she can let rip

CailinDana Thu 22-Nov-12 09:30:41

Fantastic quick thinking on your part OP, well done. You did absolutely the right thing.

Saltycopporn Thu 22-Nov-12 09:31:11

Ignore the cunt. You did the right thing and he will be less likely to bother you in the future

Saltycopporn Thu 22-Nov-12 09:32:27

Oops I meant aunt! Strange behaviour by auto correct blush

ImperialStateKnickers Thu 22-Nov-12 09:32:39

Totally the right thing to do. Hope any other of your mutual friends he might come across are as sensible as you.

ImperialStateKnickers Thu 22-Nov-12 09:33:28

Salty your autocorrect grin !

PrincessSymbian Thu 22-Nov-12 09:34:09

Silly women! Not you op but the aunt.

OHforDUCKScake Thu 22-Nov-12 09:36:18

You know what, I expect the aunt is just atributing her feelings and what she wants him to hear, onto you.

I expect she's pictured 100 times what she would like to say/do to the bastard if she saw him. Perhaps she had a burning want for at least someone to do it and and you being the first person to see him instead made him feel believed.

I am absolutely 100% not in agreement with that, I think you totally did the right thing. I was just brain farting on the page trying to see it from the aunts perspective.


bleedingheart Thu 22-Nov-12 09:39:25

You did the right thing, the aunt is probably frustrated by her own inaction but it would be dangerous for anyone to confront him. He isn't a violent abuser because no one had told him he shouldn't be and it belittles her niece to suggest that would be a suitable and effective reaction.

ProcrastinatingPanda Thu 22-Nov-12 09:43:33

You done the right thing and I wish I had friends like you when my abisive ex was looking for my address - instead I had people give my new address to him. I suspect that her aunt is just really worried about her niece though as he's making it publicly known that he's searching for her and as emotions were high she's taken it out on you. She'll probably regret it once things calm down and she realises what she said.

edam Thu 22-Nov-12 09:52:07

I think Duck's spot on, the aunt has imagined telling this waste of space exactly what she thinks of him and transferred her imaginary scenario onto you. YANBU, you did exactly the right thing to protect your friend, your child and yourself.

Lilylightfoot Thu 22-Nov-12 10:56:54

You did the right thing. If you confronted him, may have started storking you to get to her.

HecatePropylaea Thu 22-Nov-12 12:42:08

Yes, you did the right thing.

Your priority is to protect yourself and your child, not have a go at a man you know to be dangerous on behalf of someone else.

If the aunt has so much she wants to say to him (and I don't blame her for hating him!) then I suggest you tell her where you saw him and advise her to go look for him herself.

(I am not suggesting she actually go and look for him! Just that I bet she won't want to put herself at risk by doing it, but she thinks you ought to have hmm )

DontmindifIdo Thu 22-Nov-12 12:47:38

You did the right thing - you don't want him harrassing you. He has a history of violence against woman, why would you give him reason to be in your life?

I'd call your friend and explain what you said and why - you can say you were scared of him after what she'd told you and you hope she doesn't take it seriously if she hears that you've been slagging her off about stealing babyclothes!

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