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For asking bf to get tested for HIV?

(96 Posts)
ekojem Sat 17-Nov-12 14:38:49

Split up with my bf 5 years ago and we got back together two months ago (through fb).

Since we split up he has gone travelling every winter to Thailand and Cambodia. I've seen photos on his fb with plenty of local girls there draped over him, one even feeding him grapes! I've read you can pay these women to stay with you for weeks or even marry you if you give them money.

Also, he told me when he goes there (he usually stays 2 or 3 months) he smokes crystal meth. I read up about it as I was worried about him smoking that stuff and it said it makes you very horny that you will shag anything as you are out of your mind on drugs.

AIBU to ask him to have an HIV test before we sleep together again? We haven't had sex yet because he won't wear a condom. He keeps refusing to go for STI checks. I can't help thinking he is hiding something? He has also refused to tell me about the girls in the photos.

He is going back there in December for two months (he booked it ages ago), should I trust him to stay faithful?

Thanks Jem

ekojem Sat 17-Nov-12 16:03:35

Thanks for all the advice, appreciate it. Will take your comments on board, although I thought some of them were a bit harsh.

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 17-Nov-12 16:10:20

If he has been smoking crystal meth, he could also have contracted all sorts from the pipe. Burning ones lips on those things means that people exchange bodily fluids just like injecting.

If you lent him money, treat it as a hard lesson. LTB.

Tweasels Sat 17-Nov-12 16:12:05

Which comments did you think we're harsh?

Tweasels Sat 17-Nov-12 16:12:34

Were (not we're)

Mrsjay Sat 17-Nov-12 16:21:45

He sounds a right catch sex tourist and junkie he is a keeper hmm

LilyVonSchtupp Sat 17-Nov-12 16:22:44

Please please please listen to the advice here, ekojem. Harsh is wasting years of your life being used by a penniless, crystal meth addict, layabout, sex tourist.

BIWI Sat 17-Nov-12 16:24:01

Harsh? About a man who has taken money from you, shags other women, is planning on shagging other women again AND takes crystal meth?

What else do you want people to say?

Egusta Sat 17-Nov-12 16:27:32

Yes, run.

I have worked (with the UN) in Thailand and worked extensively with commercial sex workers there, and no, they are mostly not doing it because they like having some guy off his head shagging them (or 20 sleazy guys off their heads shagging-- them ) they are doing it because they are poor, because they have been kidnapped and sold into sex slavery or have been tricked into thinking they were going into a decent job in Bangkok and found out they had been sold and had to 'repay their debt' or whatever. And while Thailand is better than alot of countries when it comes to being HIV aware- the fact is, that for slightly more money you can purchase sex without condoms. Again because these women are vulnerable and desperate.... and perhaps because they have an amount they have to earn for their pimp each day before they are allowed to eat or go home.

Is this the man you really want to be with? Someone who exploits that?

Seriously- run. Take the money he owes you as a useful lesson but bloody run.

NotQuintAtAllOhNo Sat 17-Nov-12 16:29:20

Wow. I envy you OP. Such naive outlook. Such a problem free life, you deliberately involve yourself in this. Looking for a drama high?

Well, you have found it.

Suggest you join Netmums though, as I am sure they are more likely to tell you what you want to hear. and we dont have to listen to this story as it unfolds

NoraGainesborough Sat 17-Nov-12 16:29:24

No he says he doesn't do drugs over here, but, he does drink quite a lot.

He is lying. Crystal meth isn't something you can take or leave. It highly addictive. Which you would know having researched it.

The thing is, I have lent him some money, so if I dump him now I won't get it back.

So are you with him because you love him or he owes you money?

Cahoots Sat 17-Nov-12 16:32:45


My first LTB.

Really, why would anyone ever think this might be good idea. Would LTB and then try and work out why you would have feelings for someone like this.
Is he incredibly handsome or something? confused

Whocansay Sat 17-Nov-12 16:34:12

If you read your own OP about someone else, wouldn't you be telling them to run?

If you won't cut your losses, please don't have sex with him. He could have contracted all manner of nasties whilst out there. I'm not surprised he's wary of being tested. I wouldn't touch him with a bargepole covered in bleach. If you won't protect your mind or wallet, at least protect your health.

RandallPinkFloyd Sat 17-Nov-12 16:38:58

Yes, definitely.

Get him to have a full STD/HIV test. If it's all clear you can live happily every after hmm

GothAnneGeddes Sat 17-Nov-12 16:41:40

Couthy mentioned a nuclear war siren.

I would suggest that even if you are writing this from a post nuclear winter future and he is the only man left on earth...

You still need to run and keep running away from this arse wipe. He is a solid tosser.

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 17-Nov-12 16:44:00

I just looked at the timing. 2 months and he already owes you money? hmm

wonderstuff Sat 17-Nov-12 16:44:36

I would never sleep with anyone who refused to wear condoms. You deserve better, move on.

Cahoots Sat 17-Nov-12 16:44:48

Hopefully it was only adults he slept with in thailand and not children.

WineGoggles Sat 17-Nov-12 16:45:44

Ekogem please listen to what posters are saying here; he's not a good catch and could cost you a lot more than a few quid he may not pay back. Read back through your posts and imagine they were written by someone very dear to you. What would you advise her to do in that situation? Not touch that man with a bargepole?

Why does he refuse to wear a condom and why does he refuse to go and get a full sexual health screening given his risky behaviour? If he had any respect for you (and himself) he wouldn't refuse to do either.

WineGoggles Sat 17-Nov-12 16:48:06

He could have contracted all manner of nasties whilst out there. I'm not surprised he's wary of being tested.

Exactly. He's probably aware he's been involved in high risk activity and is burying his head in the sand hmm

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 17-Nov-12 16:49:09

Cahoots even if they were adults, they would have started in the trade as children. The vast majority are children when they start. So, he has paid someone massively poorer than him for sex, who was an abused child, probably coerced into the trade.

In fact, I am going to list the deal-breakers,

Won't use condoms
Has sex with prostitutes
Has sex with people who have little to no choice in who they have sex with
Is a sex tourist
Borrows money from GFs
Won't have an SDI test
Uses hard drugs
Lies I am betting

Anything else?

wonderstuff Sat 17-Nov-12 16:55:27

I was hung up over a bloke who treated me poorly for a while when I was younger - had a bit of a thing for bad boys - then one day I woke up and realised I deserved better. Bad boys aren't cool. When I met my now dh I appreciated the nice things he did for me, being nice is very cool - I hope you have a similar epiphany moment and realise that you need someone better than this man.

crazyhatlady Sat 17-Nov-12 17:14:42

Is this a wind-up by any chance? I find it hard to believe anyone with half a brain would have to ask such a question. If not then yabu to consider sleeping with this man full stop.

BloominMarvellous Sat 17-Nov-12 17:21:46

Oh FFS I hope this is a wind up!!!

If not then please run, you know it's bad or else you wouldn't have posted!

He sounds like a really dream!! hmm

spotsdots Sat 17-Nov-12 20:24:55

OP the truth hurts but please like others have said run for your life.
(a) You broke up before, what gurantee do you have that it won't happen again?

(b) He's been sleeping with other women, prostitutes or not he might have picked some bugs including HIV.

(c) A man who says NO to using condom is wreckless with his life, therefore couldn't give a toss about your life either.

catgirl1976 Sat 17-Nov-12 20:26:04

Crystal Meth? Trips to Thailand?

Run. Run fast. Run far.

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