Thinking about this more and more (am 22 wks pregnant) and thinking about it now after reading the thread on here about someone sympathising with a woman about having to have a c section.
I have never, ever been able to understand the desire to have a v-birth. It just doesn't make any sense to me at all why anyone would prefer to do it that way. I have always known, btw, that this is not a reasonable, sensible, logical thought!! I am phobic about childbirth, I think down to the fact that every day on my birthday since I can remember, I would be regaled with the merry tale of how my mum had haemorraghed and almost died giving birth to me.
Add in the fact that not a single female member of my family these past 5 years has managed to have a successful vaginal birth, including 2 truly horrendous emergency C-sections for my sister, and I can easily trace the roots of my phobia!
I put off the decision to try to conceive for many years because I just couldn't even begin to countenance the idea of childbirth.
The problem is such that I am in the process (I hope) of getting agreement for an elective C-section when my baby is due.
But - unexpectedly to myself, because I never thought I'd feel this way - I am starting to feel bad and guilty and almost slightly grubby about it.
Everywhere I go I seem to encounter pregnant women talking calmly about their birth plans, which all seem to involve nothing more than light reflexology and a lavender candle ( I jest, and I know they'll probably be yelling for epidurals when it actually comes to it, but I admire their plans all the same, even if I still can't understand how the hell they can possibly want that!)
I am starting to feel that something is wrong with me/missing in me, that I literally can't even think about what they are planning. :(
I am also coming to terms with the fact that an elective c-section will mean taking the baby out a week before due date and feeling awful about that - shouldn't it 'cook' right up until it is ready?!
FWIW I have never thought of this as the 'easy' option but now I am hearing people talk about major surgery and pulling faces at the talk of a c-section and I just feel pathetic and awful and ashamed and weak.
Never thought I'd be at all bothered by this!!
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to wish I had whatever it takes NOT to be childbirth phobic?
59 replies
emeraldgirl1 · 15/11/2012 14:55
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