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To not go to the actual wedding ceremony

(31 Posts)
PenisColada Sun 11-Nov-12 21:53:37

My oldest school friend and her long term partner are getting married in a few weeks.

They have 3 dc and no other dc invited to the wedding. All good.

Wedding at 2pm sit down meal at 4ish evening do at 8ish.

We have babysitters but I am dreading a long drawn out affair. I am not keen on and don't know the other guests.

Do you think they would actually notice if we did not go to the actual marriage and just rocked up for the formal sit down bit ?

It is a civil ceremony at the same venue as the meal and evening do.

If she noticed do you think she would mind ?

GoldPlatedNineDoors Sun 11-Nov-12 21:56:15

If you are only going to go part, it should be the ceremony. Don't just go for the meal freeloader

OTheHugeManatee Sun 11-Nov-12 21:56:21

She'd notice, unless she's inviting thousands of people. Go for the wedding and sit down then flee at 8, but if you skive te actual wedding aren't you missing the whole point of the day?

whois Sun 11-Nov-12 21:56:55

Um, I'd be a bit annoyed if you had accepted the invite and then I ly turned up for the meal and not the actual wedding and I think I'm pretty relaxed about things like that, but you just seem a bit self vetted and grabby. Can't be arsed to watch them get married but happy to eat food try have paid for?

GoldPlatedNineDoors Sun 11-Nov-12 21:58:15

Or just go to the night time bit?

oohlaalaa Sun 11-Nov-12 21:58:24

2pm isn't ridiculously early. Been to weddings that start at noon. I'd miss the evening do, before the actual wedding.

PenisColada Sun 11-Nov-12 21:58:44

I would not have noticed at my wedding.

PenisColada Sun 11-Nov-12 22:00:27

Oh we are planning to miss the evening do anyway. Dh and I are terribly antisocial !

I honestly wish them every happiness and all that but formal social occasions are my worst nightmare.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Sun 11-Nov-12 22:00:52

It doesn't matter whether or not she would notice. What you want to do is just plain rude. Why would you want to be like that?

rocketwithbutterflywings Sun 11-Nov-12 22:02:03

That is very rude imo. Just go to the evening if you don't want a long day.

GoldPlatedNineDoors Sun 11-Nov-12 22:02:13

Then dont go and send a nice gift. And if you do go, please don't be all mardy. Its not her problem you don't like weddings.

steppemum Sun 11-Nov-12 22:04:03

Go to the ceremony, make of point of telling her how lovely she looks so she knows you are there. Eat and then slip away. It isn't that long really, by the time you've done photos, speaches etc, there won't be that much time to have to be social.

PenisColada Sun 11-Nov-12 22:04:42

It is not a case of being grabby about the meal. It is the only bit where our absence would cause upset due to the wasted money.

I am hearing impaired so she knows I find evening dos hard as the background loud music makes it impossible for me to talk to people so she will understand that bit.

BandersnatchCummerbund Sun 11-Nov-12 22:07:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Sun 11-Nov-12 22:07:48

You wouldn't have wasted any money if you had RSVPd that you couldn't go. Now that you have said you will go you have to go, without picking and choosing. If its someone close enough that you are obliged to go, then it is likely that your absence would be missed, and that they won't mind if you leave for the evening do.

But you can't miss the ceremony and go for the meal. You just can't. Leave after the meal and the ceremony.

BandersnatchCummerbund Sun 11-Nov-12 22:08:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigletmania Sun 11-Nov-12 22:09:00

It's is rude what you are planning to do. Go to the ceremony and the meal than go.. The ceremony will probably be About half an hour, not long at all

PenisColada Sun 11-Nov-12 22:09:55

Ok ok. Bad idea. We will go for the ceremony and the meal. We will have fun then slip away when the meal is over.

GoldPlatedNineDoors Sun 11-Nov-12 22:10:40

And you are only saving two hours. Not worth it at all. Go for the lot or not at all.

PenisColada Sun 11-Nov-12 22:20:37

Our babysitters may not think it is 'only 2 hours ' !

ZillionChocolate Sun 11-Nov-12 22:28:07

I have accidentally missed the ceremony at a wedding with around 70 guests and it was noticed.

TwitchyTail Sun 11-Nov-12 22:35:42

Glad you've decided to do ceremony and meal. Having accepted the invitation, it's really your only option now, barring a genuine emergency.

In future, just decline wedding invitations unless you're 100% sure you want to go. At my wedding, I could not care less who did or did not accept their invitation - I understood that other people had plans, lives, and some could not afford or just plain did not want to attend. Not an issue.

What REALLY annoyed me was people RSVP'ing yes and then pulling out at the last minute (luckily only a tiny handful of people). Totally disrespectful. Just say no from the start!

GoldPlatedNineDoors Sun 11-Nov-12 22:36:28

confused presumably you have already arranged babysitters to include the time of the ceremony so nothinf different for them.

Shakirasma Sun 11-Nov-12 22:45:47

I've done it OP. We had accepted invitations for my DH's niece's wedding several weeks before the days were confirmed for our youngest starting school.

He has SN and it was vital that he didn't miss any of the part time intergration sessions and the wedding fell on his second day. (1st week of September, on a Friday)

So DH took the older kids to the wedding, I took DS to school, then when he finished we quickly got changed and dashed to the venue in time for photos and meal. Dniece didn't mind, she would have been far more upset at paying out silly money for wasted meals if we didn't attend.

emsyj Sun 11-Nov-12 23:02:17

Someone missed the ceremony at my wedding and came and confessed at the reception. I hadn't noticed and didn't care. BUT she wasn't a very close friend, I would have noticed if my oldest school friend had missed the ceremony - not least because she was a witness!

I missed a ceremony once and I think I got away with it as I wasn't a very important guest (duty invite I think) - it was a wedding abroad and I'd left the invitation at home and remembered guessed the ceremony was at 3pm and it was 2pm... We joined the end of the receiving line queue and brazened it out. blush

I do think it's rude not to make the effort to turn up and look happy on your oldest school friend's wedding day. You don't have to enjoy every second of it, it's only one afternoon and if she is an old friend it will be nice for her for you to be there to smile and congratulate her.

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