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To not hold a friends baby

(60 Posts)
McHappyPants2012 Sun 30-Sep-12 21:37:00

Just had a message from a friend saying she was upset at me not holding her newborn baby.

I just can't do, I am scared of holding other people's newborn. They look so small and I fear I will break them or drop them.

I did ask about the baby and coo over him, but when she offered I just froze.

parakeet Sun 30-Sep-12 21:38:06

Bizarre. She's being ridiculous.

SPsFanjoHarboursDeadCatsAgain Sun 30-Sep-12 21:38:30

YANBU I had a few friends like you when I had my son and I just accepted that not everyone feels comfortable or safe holding babies. I felt like I wasn't holding him right never mind any one else grin

frootshoots Sun 30-Sep-12 21:38:33

It's a baby, other people hold them and don't break them confused. I find people have a fear of babies completely bizarre.

shinyblackgrape Sun 30-Sep-12 21:39:10

Eh? Just explain to her how you feel. Quite normal I think. We're expecting our first DC in 8 weeks and I don't have tons of experience holding babies. I would completely understand if someone didn't want to hold ours!!

MagicHouse Sun 30-Sep-12 21:39:16

YANBU - your friend is. It's entirely up to you whether you want to hold a baby, and totally normal to worry about a newborn. I think your friend's reaction was a bit OTT. I would just message back a really lowkey reply saying he was gorgeous, and hopefully you'll feel confident enough to hold him some day!

threesocksmorgan Sun 30-Sep-12 21:39:34

newborns are not my thing.

PickledFanjoCat Sun 30-Sep-12 21:40:09

She's being silly! I never hold newborns!

janey68 Sun 30-Sep-12 21:40:12

How weird and actually quite rude that she felt the need to message you afterwards complaining that you didn't hold her baby! Most people would be so thrilled with their own baby that it honestly wouldn't bother them. No one should feel obliged to hold a baby if they don't wish to. Personally newborns don't do much for me (apart from my own!) and I would be far more inclined to chat to a friends' toddler than hold a newborn.

charlottehere Sun 30-Sep-12 21:41:46

Your welcome round mine when i have this one. I hate don't like other people holding my babies even squabble with DH. grin

tunnocksteacake Sun 30-Sep-12 21:41:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

McHappyPants2012 Sun 30-Sep-12 21:43:43

I sent a lovely reply, saying I think the baby a lovely and when older I will be more hands on, I just felt like a freak for not wanting to hold him.

Even my own kids I wished away the newborn stages I did not have any confidence in myself with a newborn

halloweeneyqueeney Sun 30-Sep-12 21:44:50


I'm a bit crap with newborns. I mean I'm fine with my own, but I'm a bit rubbish with other people's and they always squirm and cry. I do lots of cooing over mum and baby and ask lots of things and say nice things but I'm not a great holder! nobody has ever fallen out with me over it though

(I also don't have a feel of peoples bumps when their babies are kicking, I say "TBH I even find my own babies kicking from inside a bit wierd" and people often laugh and agree!

TheCraicDealer Sun 30-Sep-12 21:45:09

I was just saying to DP today, wondering when people learn to hold their own babies without feeling like they might break! I always feel sorry for newborns, being passed round like a cute little pass-the-parcel. They must get a bit annoyed with all these new people and smells assaulting their senses.... YANBU, just tell her the truth.

GoldenPeppermintCreams Sun 30-Sep-12 21:46:08

Yes she is weird, but she has just had a baby so give her the benefit of the doubt. Just be very police and blame yourself for your own weirdness.

You are not being unreasonable, and I wouldn't want anyone else holding my newborn baby anyway. grin

halloweeneyqueeney Sun 30-Sep-12 21:46:47

absolutely, perfume used to make DS SCREAM! even perfumed body lotions (had to use unscented everything or he wouldn't BF!) he HATED strong smells! he wasn't much of a fan of pass the parcel

TheUnsinkableTitanic Sun 30-Sep-12 21:49:41

I don't hold newborns (apart from my own, but i had to lol!)

she has just had a baby so would give her benefit of the doubt smile

freddiefrog Sun 30-Sep-12 21:49:58


Newborns aren't really my thing, even with my own I was better with then when they got a bit bigger

One of my neighbours has a 3 week old, I bought a gift, gushed over her, etc but I don't want to hold her.

McHappyPants2012 Sun 30-Sep-12 21:50:01

She is normally so level headed, but lack of sleep and the baby stages can make anyone go a bit off character.

HappyJustToBe Sun 30-Sep-12 21:50:40

YANBU and I completely understand. DD is 16mo so the whole newborn thing is not that far in the past and you'd think I would be able to hold a baby happily but I hate it and get so nervous. For some reason it was completely different when it was her.

5madthings Sun 30-Sep-12 21:54:19

lol, you are mad i LOVE squidging newborns, but she is ODD for txt to say she was offended!! how mad, asyou say probably sleep depravation and hormones!

DamnTheManSaveTheEmpire Sun 30-Sep-12 21:55:08

Yabu. This is your friendschild her pride and joy, reason for living. It wouldn't be alot to ask to hold baby the way she's feeling right now is beyond elation and can understand the feeling of rejection of someone refusing to cuddle your new bundle of joy. If you didn't know how to hold a newborn you should have asked.

SJ47 Sun 30-Sep-12 21:57:33

I get nervous holding other people's newborns, and I have 2 dc, one of which is 3 months old. I dunno, it feels different holding someone else's baby. YA def NBU and I actually think your friend is being very weird picking you up on it.

ErrorError Sun 30-Sep-12 21:58:45

I am not a mum and have only held a couple of newborns. I know they're not as fragile as you think, but I do always worry I'm doing it wrong, especially if they loll their head into a strange position in the crook of my arm. I don't know how to correct it without hurting their neck, so I shift a bit then they start squirming. At that point I say "Ahh back to mummy now." Your friend should not have complained to you, but maybe she was a bit confused as to why you wouldn't, when you've obviously held your own newborns. Just explain the confidence issue and hopefully she'll understand. I'm much more hands on with other babies and children too. smile

MissRee Sun 30-Sep-12 21:59:33

How odd! My Sister won't hold newborn babies - she's 32, doesn't have her own or much experience with other people's and is infertile to boot. She claims she has dealt with the infertility but you can tell that it still affects her. If someone sent her a similar text message, I think she would be a blubbering wreck sad

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