To never speak to my mum again?

[GolfOscarLimaDelta]

I probably am BU. But it's been a hard few days.

On Wednesday I had my gallbladder removed. My mum has DS3 and my DD was with a friend.

She doesn't ring Thursday to see how I am (no one does)

Friday, I hear from SIL. My mum has been poorly with a cold and is grumpy and cross with the others for not helping with DS (he'd been taken out for couple of hours on Thursday)

She's had a row with my brother who stuck up for me when she said "it wasn't a real operation" and I should apparently be fine the next day. I wasn't. I've been in agony but she wouldn't know that because she hasn't asked.


She's moaned to everyone. She has laid on the couch with a blanket and my poor son has had to deal with her attention seekIng when he's already confused about what's going on.

I'm so cross with her. She hates things not being about her and really seems annoyed that I'm "playing" on this.

I can't speak to her. I want my children home now but they won't be home until the morning. I never want to see her again.


Am I just being overly sensitive?

[SuperB0F]

Is this the proverbial last straw? Is she usually like this?

[Joiningthegang]

Sorry but yes you are

I hope you feel better soon

I had the same op and felt almost 100% within a week

[charlottehere]

((((hugs)))) prehaps you are being a bit over sensitive TBH but you have had/are having a really tough time. Your mother sounds like a PITA but unless there is history prehaps not speaking to her would be a step too far?

[GolfOscarLimaDelta]

And forgot to mention my son was out all day today

[ENormaSnob]

Is she always a drama queen?

[UsedToBeAContender]

Sounds like there is more to this than just this one instance, agree with SuperBOF.

[GolfOscarLimaDelta]

She is like this. Always.

But maybe I am overly sensitive. I'm a single parent and didn't think I would cope with them here. I really wouldn't have. But she's cross because she wanted to

[Proudnscary]

I agree this sounds like the tip of the iceberg.

But if it ain't - then you both sound like drama queens to be honest.

Also your family sound like a bunch of stirrers! Why tell you all this about your mum?

[GolfOscarLimaDelta]

Play the martyr and no ones paid her any attention.

[GolfOscarLimaDelta]

Am I being a drama queen proud?

I honestly don't know anymore. Just feeling so fed up with it.

[GoldenBabooshka]

Firstly - Of course it's a real operation! Honestly, does she know what a gallbladder is? Is she normally helpful and supportive?

Secondly - Big hug to you, I hope you are back on your feet and feeling better ASAP.

[GolfOscarLimaDelta]

Joining - were you fine to cope with two kids the next day? I don't think I could have coped and I'm not usually one to wallow when I'll honestly.

[NUFC69]

I think part of the problem is that you, I would imagine, had the gallbladder out by keyhole surgery? (I had mine out in May). Everybody assumes because it is keyhole it is a little operation. What you have to tell people is that the operation inside is exactly the same, the only difference is the size of the incisions. It is major surgery!

By the way, I only felt rough for a couple of days (operation Wednesday, stopped taking painkillers on Saturday) but I think I was quite unusual. I was quite surprised that you couldn't drive for two weeks and that some people needed so long off work.

Good luck - I'm sure you will start feeling better soon. Give your mum (and your friends) some slack. As I said, I think it is all about people's misconceptions.

[GolfOscarLimaDelta]

No she's not really supportive unless she can be all "aren't I wonderful" but normally we just accept its her. Normally I can but I'm so cross.

My son spent his time with her slagging me off to everyone and laying about on the couch. He's not had a fun few days with his nanny :(

[GuybrushThreepwodWasHere]

YANBU- it is a real operation (even though some lucky people tend to recover faster then others). She definitely should be a bit more sympathetic.

[GolfOscarLimaDelta]

I was the same - i thought I'd be ok in a few days. I've laid off the painkillers today and am on my feet but wouldn't have coped with the kids the next day.

[diddl]

If your mum really was ill-couldn´t anyone else have had your son?

If your mum wasn´t ill-couldn´t someone else have had your son whilst she was on the sofa ignoring him?

[SuperB0F]

Hmm, it's difficult. I can understand completely why you're cross and hurt, but it might be overkill to completely cut her off, it's so hard to tell from the outside. I would probably be a bit frosty for a while in your shoes, if I didn't feel up to assertively telling her that she had upset me.

[Pourquoimoi]

You are being a bit over sensitive but it is a major op and hurts! I had mine out in October last year and was sore for a while afterwards. I didn't drive for nearly 3 weeks, my mum came to help during the first week then a couple of days in each of the following weeks with things like washing etc. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all in needing to recuperate, keyhole is just as someone else said, just the size if the external cuts, the internal ones are the same!

Good luck with your recovery, hope you feel better soon.

[GolfOscarLimaDelta]

Diddl - I didn't know or I would have organised something. I had plans for him to be out all day today anyway in case it was a lot regardless sod her being ill

The others - well who knows really. They probably could have taken him but they all saw it wasn't real. That she was playing on it and I think we all just shut off and don't give in to her.


I don't feel like I can see her. I know it's harsh but it's like the last straw. The implication that I would dump my kids off just for nothing? I am all my kids have. I do everything for then with next to no support from any of my family and this was something I needed sorting. I didn't just disappear out on the piss.

I'm cross she couldn't see past herself to make it fun for my son when he was already wondering what was happening.

[TidyGOLDDancer]

Unless this actually is a straw that broke the camel's back type situation, then yes YABU. Her attitude and conduct might not be wonderful right now, but she's looking after your DS and she hasn't shipped him back.

Draw a line under this and don't let it bother you more than it should.

[racingheart]

Bit of cliched advice but useful: don't make a decision when you're feeling low that you may not make when you're feeling up. Right now you must put yourself first so you can get better. Keep your distance for as long as you need to and cultivate mutually supportive friendships with people you like, respect and trust. When family are flaky, they are the people who count.

Hope you feel better soon. Horrible op.

[GoldenBabooshka]

I agree with Proud that your family could have had a little more tact in this situation though, and perhaps done something rather than just tell you about it?

[GolfOscarLimaDelta]

Yes probably golden. I wish they'd never said anything now.

I won't confront her. But I will put distance between us now. I find it extremely hard to ask for help and now I know I never will go to her again.

I don't want to see her again but yes, that is me BU I accept that. Thanks.

[SomeoneThatYouUsedToKnow]

YANBU, ..... but, if you know she behaves like this, I don't understand why you would ask her to look after your DS. You need to manage your relationship with her and your expectations of her. I bet it would be impossible to get her to change her behaviour. So you have to change how you deal with her. It would be best if you did not ask her for any favours.

It also seems a bit that people have been telling you what your DM has been saying about you. It seems a bit mean of them. They should have just told her to stop and left it at that.

I hope you are feeling better and that you have other supportive people in your life.