...to remove the phone no. tags from the ex-nanny's poster looking for work?

[stubborncow]

Long story short - we had a live-out nanny and then found nursery places for our 2 children so gave her her notice after a much shorter then expected period. She had 6 weeks paid notice and everything according to the contract we agreed.

We stayed in touch a little as there were tax/admin things to sort out and in the course of this she told me that she had knowingly fed our Muslim children pork as she didn't agree with our rule not to (a rule we had fully discussed before employment started)/her husband wasn't happy with her working for a Muslim family. There were other things too, that came up during this time, that indicated that she was less than honest but this was the one blatant, admitted breach of trust that she confessed to and I have in writing!

Fast forward 6 months or so and I saw a poster that she had put up (same name, writing, phone number) looking for work as a nanny and stating "excellent references". So I took all the number tags so no other unfortunate parents would employ this woman.

Unreasonable?

[WorraLiberty]

Yes YABU

Even if what you say is true (and my radar is twitching here)

You should go through the proper channels instead of waging some sort of revenge campaign.

[grubbalo]

Are you serious?

[MissVerinder]

YANB completely U.

I would have done the same thingout of spite for the pork (which is awful), but surely you could complain to OFSTED instead? Is there a regulatory board for nannies?

[stubborncow]

I did report her to the website through which I found her (we are not in the UK so not OFSTED registering etc.


I am serious and it is true. SHe was a bit mental.

[WorraLiberty]

Then report her to whatever the equivalent of OFSTED is.

[4madboys]

yabu! you reported her for what she did and you can refuse to give her a reference, but to actively stop her getting work!! which is what you may well have done is wrong imo.

[LeBOF]

You're not exactly covering yourself in glory here though, you do realise that, don't you?

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Cowardly and done out of spite. Grow a backbone and have a conversation with her if you think it's worth it.

[GypsyMoth]

What do you mean 'mental'??

How bloody rude are you! Yabu, she is entitled to move on, and references would be the business of new employer

[SiamoNellaMerda]

What is it they say? Mermaid's knickers?

[grubbalo]

I'm struggling to see how this would even come up unless she was trying to get revenge somehow, ie in an argument she said " and I gave the kids pork". It's hardly a normal thing to bring up in casual conversation. Are you certain it happened? She wasn't just trying to say something, anything to try to get at you? And when did they have this pork anyway? Did she randomly smuggle some in just to make this point?

All seems v odd to me

[emsyj]

You sound a bit odd yourself tbh. YABU. And spiteful. And plain nasty. Is that who you want to be?

[BeetrootPasty]

I don't quite understand why you wouldn't want her to find new employment? Would you rather she was living on benefits at the taxpayers expense? (although not sure how the welfare system works in countries other than the UK).

If you have genuine concerns about her ability to look after children then I hope you have reported her to the relevant authorities.

[WorraLiberty]

Wait a minute I've just realised you said in your OP... this was the one blatant, admitted breach of trust that she confessed to and I have in writing!

She wrote you a letter telling you she fed your kids pork?

[faeriefruitcake]

Report her she has violated your religious beliefs because she doesn't agree with them.

[NannyPlumIsMyMum]

Yabveryu.
And your behaviour is a bit odd . To say you call her 'mental' which isn't very enlightening to be honest .
Unreliable , dishonest, unstable, but you are being unreasonable just for using the description 'mental' really.

[SparkleSoiree]

Anybody can look for work at any point in their life and don't need permission to do so. (Brings to mind the guy who took his former employer to court after they found his CV on LinkedIn and he had ticked career opportunities).

I think it is diabolical that you did that - you sound like you are not happy with her anyway and if she was trying to find another job wouldn't that have freed you up to find a more suitable employee? Just nasty.

[LeBOF]

At first I'd assumed that she had given out your home telephone number, which I could see might irritate you to the point of removing it, but you really have no right to prevent her from seeking work, using her own details, after she had left your employment. It is to be firmly filed under NOYB.

[missuswife]

YABU. You reported her through the relevant channels. If you think she is a danger to children, report her to the authorities. Preventing someone from seeking work is cruel.

[bebanjo]

My my, what a pickle, if you believed her to be mental why would you want her looking after your children.

[SuchProspects]

I don't know that you are being particularly unreasonable. She doesn't sound fit to be working as a nanny, and if I were looking for someone to look after my kids I would be grateful if someone weeded out people like this for me. But taking all the numbers is a bit pointless, she'll just readvertise. You can't stalk her to stop her reaching potential employers (well possibly you can, but you shouldn't). Assuming she did not put your kids in danger, report to appropriate authorities/business organizations, give honest references if she is foolish enough to give out your number, and let it go. Your DCs deserve a mother who isn't wasting her energies on the past.

[stubborncow]

Ok, sorry about the mental thing - I hadn't realised the time and I had to be somewhere.

At the time of hiring her, I did not think she was mental, I thought she was very nice. At the time of dismissing her, I still was mostly positive about her but my OH had lost trust in her due to my daughter hurting herself (knocked a tooth out) while in her care. I felt it was just one of those things but the relationship between nanny and OH had not been quite right and this put it all wrong so we started to look for daycare and found it quite quickly.

I actually cried when giving her notice and she was very angry. We tried to make it as easy as possible but she got extremely angry. She had a few more days to work for us before our new childcare started (and then a few weeks gardening leave on full pay) and she created a very difficult atmosphere at handover for these times causing my daughter (aged 3) to get quite upset including having a few wet pants accidents etc. However unprofessional this was, I did understand that she did not believe that we had found new childcare as quickly as we did and that we had planning this all along and so was very angry. I understood this - I tried to point out we'd hardly have agreed to no probation period and 6 weeks paid notice if we had been planning it all along but she couldn't quite believe us. She said some nasty things via facebook to me at this time.

She also told me at this point that, in a previous job, a little girl had had a heart attack and died in her care (and I found an open letter that she had on her FB profile to this little girl - heartbreaking stuff) so between that job and this one ending (as she felt) badly, she was thinking of leaving childcare.
I then looked back at the open letter again and found another open letter in which she was venting about various medical conditions she had - including diabetes and sugar levels that could not be controlled and could leave her in a coma. This was very surprising as she had told me (without me asking) that she had no medical conditions at all.

I did not mention this to her as I felt her employment was over and, again, could understand why she wouldn't need or want to disclose medical conditions but still felt a bit upset that she had deliberately told me she had none when she did have some.

There were other little lies and inconsistencies that I then found when comparing her cv/FB profile. However, I felt that we had done with her and just felt glad we were out of that situation without having to address these.

Then, a few weeks later she contacted me on FB and said she had a confession and told me about the pork. So yes, I have screenshots of a conversation in which she revealed that she had fed them pork. I said "what's done is done" and that I was surprised that she couldn't stick to one simple rule. She then went on to say that she didn't agree with the restrictions so ignored them (I knew she had brought them to McDonalds, for example, more often than I thought was ok but had made excuses about that) and then threw in about her husband not agreeing with her working for a Muslim family at which point I pointed out that she shouldn't have taken the job then rather than feeding my kids pork.

I am aware how unbelievable that sounds. Anyway, I reported her to the relevant website but, to my knowledge, there is no registered nanny board that she is with so that was all I could do.

I will also admit that I did feel quite vindictive in taking the numbers but then I also thought that if I were a parent, I wouldn't unwittingly want to employ someone who showed such little regard for parents' wishes. I am quite certain that she was not going to offer genuine references (it came to light the references she gave me were actually from her cousin, not a former employer as she had told me). So I felt, in a small way, I was further protecting children/parents from her. I don't mind her having work, would just prefer if it wasn't as a carer for children the way she was for mine

And that is the whole sorry story!

[stubborncow]

P.S. she took them to a Chinese restaurant for lunch and they had sweet and sour pork. I am pretty sure it did actually happen as I remember her mentioning the Chinese buffet and saying that my little boy (only 10 months old!) had loved it. At that point, she did say something about there being lots of at Chinese buffets. Obviously, at the time I presumed she was mentioning the awkwardness of avoiding it (not so hard really) but now I know..

[stubborncow]

P.S. she took them to a Chinese restaurant for lunch and they had sweet and sour pork. I am pretty sure it did actually happen as I remember her mentioning the Chinese buffet and saying that my little boy (only 10 months old!) had loved it. At that point, she did say something about there being lots of pork at Chinese buffets. Obviously, at the time I presumed she was mentioning the awkwardness of avoiding it (not so hard really) but now I know..

[lauraloveskitsch]

Feeding your children pork while knowing about your religious opposition is not nice at all. Her husband doesn't have anything to do with it. Unless there are underlying circumstances she was VU to feed your children pork and YANBU to dislike her for this.

YAhoweverBVU to take her number down. This is how she needs to earn her living. If another parent hires her then it is none of your business and it's on their head to do checks andake choices. Forewarned is not always forearmed - you could make a royal fuck up with this and ruin something in a parents mind from the get go.

Plus, how does removing her number make prospective employers know she is dodgy? Unless you replaced it with a note proclaiming your OP I fail to see how it doesn't just look like vandalism.