To wonder what kind of neighbour you are?

[Mooja]

Not a thread about a thread
I read so many posts on here complaining about neighbours, and whilst I agree that some sound horrible and I would hate to live next to them, some complaints just make me wonder what the OP would do if the situation was reversed.

I know that DP and I try to be very considerate, but when it comes down to it we do what is best for us (I'm talking about minor things here not like attaching scaffolding without permission!)

So AIBU to think that most people generally put themselves before their neighbours when making decisions about their home and the way they live...or am I just selfish?

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

YANBU... but if you can't be selfish about your own home, where can you be? :) I think most people are considerate, however. Doing what's best for your house or your family doesn't necessarily have to make others' lives a misery.

[Incroyable]

IMO it depends on the decision that needs to be made.. for example, I would not put the washing machine on at an unsocial hour if I knew it would be disturbing the neighbours. But, if I wanted some building work done, I would have it done regardless of whether or not it would disturb the neighbours!

[GoForthAndSwivel]

Well, having a 7 month old does mean I can't control any noise that may occur throughout the night! I live in a second floor flat, none above, and I am cautious about stamping around the place, washing machine on too late/early, having people come over until very late (rare occurence, has happened once since we moved in 9 months ago) etc.

But now that my DS is on the move, and we have wooden flooring, it is a bit noisier for downstairs. We have never had any complaints though, and if we did I would try to make an effort not to cause any annoyance for neighbours but then, I'm a people pleaser, I can't help it.

[Kladdkaka]

I'm a hermit. I rarely leave my house and spend all my time quietly in front of my computer. My neighbours probably don't even know I exist.

[duchesse]

We live in a rural hamlet and all our neighbours are LOVELY! When there is illness in someone's house, we make sure they are all right, do cooking for each other etc. Last winter our neighbours had no heat as they had to have their LPG tank disconnected. Another neighbour shoved a £10 through their door and ran away. We give each jams and chutneys, vegetables and all manner of stuff, look after each other's pets, and go wassailing around the houses every Christmas. We tolerate all of each others' foibles. I bloody love living here.

[Mooja]

Oh yes I try to control noise, DD screamed for the first 3 months of her life and I was so conscious of it, but our next door neighbour always said she never heard it (I think she's either a bit deaf or very nice!)

[Mooja]

I want to live where you live duchesse

[Mooja]

I do hoover early, not too late though. My neighbour never seems to sleep, she's either at work or clattering around so I don't worry about early mornings too much.

[VivaLeBeaver]

I live in a semi so think I'm considerate of neighbours. I don't put my stereo on as loud as I'd like. If the dog goes out in the garden I wait by the door for her to come in as I wouldn't like her barking to come in.

Im happy to look after the neighbours rabbits and chickens when they go on holiday. When their ds was rushed to hospital last year I watered their veg plot for them every evening without being asked as I figured it needed doing.

[marriedinwhite]

We have an elderly couple next door who over the years (19) have driven us nuts - they have complained about: washing out on a Sunday, dh's car not being parked straight on the drive, the wisteria growing an inch onto their side, they could smell gas when we had the boiler moved, they didn't stop complaining about the development on the river and the noise from the bars in the summer which are there now (which we can understand because we knew it would happen when we bought - couldn't have afforded the house if the road hadn't been blighted for a couple of years - and they have been in the house since just after the war), and finally they have stopped complaining about the extension that was put on the back of our house when it was redeveloped 20 years ago.

However, DH has given them legal advice, I have driven them both backwards and forwards to hospital now they can't drive, they come in every boxing day and have done for about 14 years, and they don't talk to us as though we are young whipper snappers any more. And if anything goes wrong, they know they come in to us at any time of the day or night. I still wouldn't dare call them anything other than Mr and Mrs though! They're as deaf as posts now and can't hear DS on his drums if he forgets to turn the silencer thingy on - thank God.

[worraliberty]

I'm the one on the end of the row who takes everyone's parcels in, has spare keys to 3 neighbour's houses and feeds the cats/waters the garden when they're on hols

I've drawn the line at being everyone's 'emergency number' when their kids are ill and need picking up from school...too many took the piss and carried on working for the rest of the day while their pukey kids laid on my couch!

[TheMonster]

We've been in a detached house for over four years and we're moving to a semi next month. I am very worried about our noise level - expecially DP shouting.

[PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom]

I think we're probably a bit of a nightmare when we're all at home because we are loud, and we have stampeding small children and a teen and I like rock music, BUT that said, the children go to bed at a decent time, even in the holidays, they are not night owls, and during the day there's only me here and I don't often even have music on, and never the TV so it's only noisy at "convienient" times.
The wall between our house and the attached neighbour is paper thin, the couple "2 sets ago" concieved their younger DC on the one and only night they had sex during the time we lived next door to them and we heard everything :-| then it occurred to us that if we could hear them, they could hear us too
We've been better neighbours to the last two sets than they were to us, one lot smashed through the main sewage pipe with a pile driver and cascaded a rain flood of shit all down the back of our house and cracked a wall while they were building their shonky extension, and the ones after them gave us our very own soap opera when she had an affair with the bloke on the other side of us, and his wife found out and smashed up their cars and all their windows repeatedly. The crime figures for this street on that website are ALL based on next door (criminal damage, ABH, breach of the peace that sort of thing) and our house and car insurance went up because of them)

[Calabria]

I'm a brilliant neighbour. We are semi-detached and next door is a holiday home. I put their bins out for them and pay the window cleaner (they give me the money in advance).

[EndoplasmicReticulum]

We're the noisy ones. Neighbour on one side has two small, well behaved girls. I hear them having tea parties in the garden. Neighbour the other side has one small, well behaved girl. I hear her playing nicely with her cousins in the garden.

I have two boys, they are 5 and 6.

Need I explain further?

Also husband has a tendency to do kung fu with big swords in the garden, so they may be too frightened to complain about the noise. And I wash crisp packets and hang them on the line.

[LittleMissFlustered]

End terrace. Eight year old plays brass instrument five times a week, but only for twenty minutes and never after 6PM. Four year old can tantrum for the universe, but is usually comatose by seven thirty. I'm a grumpy witch who reads mostly. I do use the washer and dryer at ridiculous hours, but the utility is on the detached side of the house and neighbour has said she can't hear it:) I only ever enter into competitive radio playing with her in the summer when her penchant for cheesy dance shite peaks. I retaliate with kerrang. It all works out fine:o

[duchesse]

Endoplasm- why the crisp packets? Are you weaving into a recycled bag?

[RoseC]

I try very, very hard to be a considerate neighbour mostly because my first year accommodation at uni was such a nightmare (usual antics plus: violence, neo-nazi in the flat, radiators torn off walls, doors off hinges, chair fabric ripped up with knives, one of my flatmates [tiny 5 ft nothing girl] carried unconscious into her room by six drunk guys on the first night... I could go on for ages). Admittedly as a student and because we are childless we have more flexibility: I can exercise/put washing on during the day, we don't have the added noise from children etc.

OTOH I can't wait for the day when I persuade DP we move out to somewhere a bit more isolated with a garden, like my childhood home. Pretty much the only two things that bother me are excessive smoking smells and music so loud you can hear the lyrics. This last only applies when I'm trying to study - I can block it out most of the time.

[whoopeecushion]

I've previously had very bad neighbours so even though I have now moved, I try to keep away from my neighbours. I don't like having anything to do with them in case it turns into some sort of problem. Sad really!

[Mooja]

I think if we had a MN neighbourhood, based on this thread it would be a rather pleasant place to live.

[suburbandream]

I try very hard to be a good neighbour because I've lived in a flat with paper-thin walls and I know how annoying other people can be - and how annoying my family have been to others! For this very reason we eventually managed to move to a detached house with very good soundproofing so when my ASD DS2 is having a tantrum I can just shut all the windows and let him get it out of his system . I apologise often profusely for my cats to the cat-hating neighbours and let them know in advance if we are going to have any work done on the house or anything noisy. We are considering getting a dog - wonder how that will go down!!

[MurderOfProse]

Our neighbour on one side has four children, and I know from hearing them in the garden that they're not quiet ones! However inside we honestly don't hear a thing. I have had several conversations with the neighbour where she apologises for the noise they must surely be making, and I insist, quite desperately, that we don't hear it! Now I am doing the same thing as we have three young DCs who are somewhat "spirited" despite our best efforts - surely she must be able to hear them? Nope. All I can say is that whatever is between our two walls should be used as standard in every house with children. If we lived in some of the previous places I have lived, we would probably be neighbours from hell, as would they.

Before DCs I was like Kladdkaka - sat at my computer and rarely moved except to go out to work!

[carabos]

My neighbours are horrific. I do nothing about it because I rely on other people in the street to do the reporting it's none of my business how they choose to live and I have the option to move. However, it never ceases to amaze me just what sort of behaviour people think is OK to inflict on those around them.

Yes, small children are noisy, we should all tolerate a certain amount of that, but not all night, year in, year out. Yes, dogs bark and we should all tolerate a bit of that, but not have them trying to bite passers-by over the fence. No you shouldn't get into fist fights with neighbours on a regular basis as a result of you occupying the entire highway and refusing to let anyone in or out.

Sadly, we can't choose our neighbours, but we can choose not to be the neighbour from hell ourselves.

[marriedinwhite]

And lest I forget when our dc were about 2 and 5 the new people on the other side expressed surprise that we only had two children - they thought we had at least four [embarfassed]. MNet is slowly teaching me to spell embarrassed.