Family trip out for half term (manic laughter)(42 Posts)
Hi, shall I tell you about my day, and then you can tell me if IABU....
DH has taken this week off to care for our dd aged 6 in half term, as he hasn't taken much time off yet this year. I can only manage two days as I am saving some holiday for when dd finishes school at Christmas. So, I'm having a long weekend ( plus Monday and tuesday) with family, then DH and dd will have the rest of the week together.
DH decides after a weekend lazing at home and doing homey stuff like clearing the loft and a family bike ride which ended in a big row (another story), that Monday we will take dd to the think tank in Birmingham for a trip out. We will not bother with the car despite being only 40 minutes away, because dd hasn't been on a train before. He doesn't book tickets for trains ahead, but we do book think tank tickets online.
We get to the station, and pay 23 pounds return for two adults and one child, we are told we must return in off peak hours, ie before 4.30 pm. We set off around ten from our station. On boarding, there are very few seats on the train, so we spread out and I manage to get a seat across the aisle from dd. She is ok, but a little nervous, this is her first train journey. At the next stop, a lady arrives at dd's seat and asks her to move please as she has pre booked the seat. So dd sits on my knee and we carry on. We get to Birmingham and have a fair walk to the millennium point. We do think tank and come out around three o clock. I am feeling pretty tired, we have not had a sit down for ages and I need a drink. DH says if we hurry we can get the three thirty train home. So we are rushing back to the station.we get there to find we have missed the train. There will be another in 40 mins. But DH thinks he can squeeze us onto another train which is destined somewhere else but stops at our station on the way. We get there just in time. This train is packed full so we have to stand. I am 5 months pregnant with high blood pressure and feeling pretty knackered so I sit on the floor with dd. Not once has DH asked if I'm ok or mentioned the fact I may be tired. I am actually feeling Ill at this point. So DH says let's go to wetherspoons for tea when we get back to our town. I say please can we not, I'm so tired. He huffs and puffs and rolls his eyes and shakes his head. He won't make eye contact me for the rest of the train journey which is hell due to having to sit on the floor and more and more people getting on.
So when we get back to the station, I try to make conversation and he just snaps, "what's for tea then seeing as we are having our day out cut short?" the thought of going home and starting tea to his specification after such a weary journey fills me with dread, and the thought of refusing to make anything and putting up with his huffing and banging around the kitchen is just as bad. So we end up pub for a very sub standard tea which was hardly edible just to keep the peace. Dd enjoyed her day though is my DH an inconsiderate arse? I was energetic and enthusiastic for most of the outward journey and actual outing, it was all the walking, lack of sitting down and general rushing about that got to me in the end.
YABU on the grounds I'm not sure that I've ever sat down on this type of day out with my DS and when we go with friends!
Never done it PG though but did work FT on my feet when PG.
Did you not take drink or buy one when there? Surely if your thirsty you get a drink?
Hard to say who is BU without further info really. Is he normally pretty supportive and kind or is this behaviour typical? TBH in your situation I'd either have refused to get the train or sent DH and DD out on their own.
It sounds like an over-ambitious day out for a pregnant woman with high blood pressure.
Why did you sit on the floor? Would no-one give up their seat?
Wetherspoons would have given you a rest, and saved anyone cooking after a tiring day out.
Just be glad you're back at work soon.
YAB a bit U.
Did he think suggesting tea out was going to be a help - meaning you didn't have to cook or think about food?
husband was being an arse
(people making 'I can do something-or-other so you must be fine doing it too' type arguments also being arse)
Well, for a start, he needs to make tea. 'What's for tea?' uttered by anyone older than 16 and actually expecting a meal in their own home is just crap.
The day out sounds like a normal family day out to me - trains are unpredictable so you take pot luck with whether you get a seat or not there, and surely you take a bag with water and snacks with you when you go out for the day? Particularly if pregnant!
And tea had to happen one way or another presumably, but you didn't seem to fancy tea out or tea at home so...
What TeamDamon said
Though your DH is BU to ask what's for tea and expect you to cook it. He could always have taken your DD out for a meal on their own.
He just loves to throw himself into a day out, and all attendees must be in full spirit and any deviations from the itinerary are frowned on
We did have cartons of juice in our bag for dd and could have stopped to get a drink if we weren't rushing to catch the train home! He needs to accept that I am tiring more easily than usual and it's just not possible to hurtle around at full speed all the time.
I think it's made worse by my blood pressure really playing up and my medication makes me feel very worn out. Oddly, I usually work full time (will be going back wednesday) and feel fine at work, I think it's because I know I can have a sit down and a drink if I need to and not worry about upsetting DH!
Sounds like you've had a tough day, put your feet up and have a cuppa.
But next time, you really must ASK for a seat on a train if one is not forthcoming. You won't be refused. Don't play the martyr as you will suffer, and your family be default.
Sorry, don't mean that to be as harsh as it sounds. Get him to give you a foot rub and call it quits?
We did end up having tea out teamdeamon but I would have loved it if he would have said "you look tired, why don't we head home and have a takeaway or I will cook something". I would just like him to offer. Tea was shite anyway in the pub he chose!
Didn't want to ask and nobody offered. I couldnt choose who to ask anyway, worried about upsetting anyone these days! Wasn't trying to be a martry, it's not other peoples problem.
I think your dh has been a bit of an arse but you haven't helped yourself. Refusing to go to a pub when you're also too tired to cook isn't exactly contributing to family harmony is it?
What about the row yesterday though - is he continually an arse?
I think when I said I wanted a drink, I meant a break, ie a drink and a sit down, not a carton on the platform waiting for a train. I really am not trying to be pedantic, think I'm just worn out. Glad dd enjoyed her day though, she really loved it and was so good all day.
Ah - you see if my DH had said 'What's for tea?' and I felt the way you were feeling, I would have just either said, 'I don't know - what are you cooking?' or 'I don't know - do you fancy Chinese or Indian?' If you don't feel up for cooking, why not be up front about it rather than passively waiting for him to offer and then feeling resentful about him not doing so. I know he SHOULD offer but sometimes it just doesn't happen.
Northern, he was an arse yesterday, he has apologised and we agreed to move on. I just feel he tries to sweep everyone along in enthusiasm when he does "family" stuff ( think cue vying chase style dad) and it gets very fucking wearing because he won't make provision for pregnant wife/ six year old occasional meltdown/ traffic problems/ etc. It all has to go the way he wants it to.
I don't know really I have to say you are sounding like a bit of a Martyr in all this.
You wanted a drink...he assumed you'd drink one of the cartons of juice you had
You needed a seat on the train...yet you chose to sit on the floor
He wanted to eat out...you wanted to eat at home, yet you went out to 'keep the peace'
In one way I can understand it because you're tired but actually after a day out as a family, everyone's tired.
Perhaps it's best to give family days out a miss until you're feeling a bit fitter because it's not really fair on your DD who will no doubt sense an atmosphere and may end up blaming herself.
Teamdeamon, he just wanted to go to the pub and any other suggestion I made would have been met with the same huffiness...because I deviated from HIS plan. I could have took him home for a steak followed by the Kama sutra and he would have moaned about not going to shitty wetherspoons. He is frustrating!
I find taking my DC to Wetherspoons for tea a complete nightmare.
You have to queue at the bar to order. My local is always very packed and loud. The food's often not very nice. It's often brought out un-hot. Any dessert paid for upfront then has to be chased up with the staff. All the lavs are upstairs and it's hard to leave one child and take another and leave/take stuff and other child (Lone Parent woes!) and still find table free when one returns. Food may have been cleared away! Tbh, it's bloody stressful.
No worra, dd is fine, she has just been on trampoline with DH and is now eating an ice cream. I won't feel guilty for being tired after a busy day which was designed to be all about her after all. I am a family member too....
Line runner our wetherspoons was actually a haven of calm after birmingham new street station! Shame the food was completely minging.
I'm not saying you should feel guilty but with your DH not making eye contact for the rest of the journey and the row at the family bike ride etc...it might not be long before your DD doesn't actually want to do much as a family if there's going to be an atmosphere.
Hence the reason it might be better not to go on any more family trips until you're fitter.
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