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AIBU?

To ask for money or vouchers for kids B'Day this year?

15 replies

UpsyDozy · 17/10/2011 12:29

We have 2 birthday parties coming up in the next 2 weeks, DCs are 7 and 5. We are inviting their whole class from school to each party which equates to 40+ presents! To be honest we don't really have the room for yet more plastic toys that will be played with for a day or two and then forgotten.

As a parent, would you be annoyed if I politely requested just a voucher for the local toy shop (no more than a fiver I was thinking) rather than a gift?

I was thinking it may save poor parents the drudgery of trawling round the toyshop looking for something and also might save money as I know from experience generally the half decent looking presents average out at around £10-12 which is a lot of money when you're looking at attending 15 or so parties in a year per child!

That way I can then take the kids to the shop and they can choose something they really want? Just not sure if I can face the mountain of tat presents stuffed in the cupboard for another year!

....or am I being a meanie??

OP posts:

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LovingChristmas · 17/10/2011 12:31

Nope, not at all, My DSS wanted a BMX for birthday at £400, us and his mum put in £100 each and then told him he would have to save the rest, he said he wanted birthday money, so we politely explained that he was saving up for something and could he please have money towards said BMX - Jammy spoilt so and so and ended up with over £320.

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iMemoo · 17/10/2011 12:33

Unless it's close family I think you're being very unreasonable. You should not ask for or expect a gift, it's very rude. You should just gratefully accept anything you receive.

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loveglove · 17/10/2011 12:39

I'd say just put "no gifts please" on the invitation, and if anyone specifically asks you then mention money/vouchers.

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fedupwithdeployment · 17/10/2011 12:54

At DS1's old school, a couple of children had a joint party, and one of the other mums made it known that they would prefer money and not actual presents. She collected for them. I was a bit , but to be honest, the OP's points are valid...makes like easier.

It is just the way in which you do it, that needs to be thought about.

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fedupwithdeployment · 17/10/2011 12:54

life! not like.

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DandyLioness · 17/10/2011 12:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AKMD · 17/10/2011 12:57

YABU. If it was family, it would be different, but I think this would be a bit off even though it is entirely practical.

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nomoredora · 17/10/2011 12:57

Whilst I understand your reasons, I think YABU to ASK for any sort of gifts/money/vouchers. I think it's just one of those things that you have to accept the plastic tat that invariably comes with birthday parties.

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Greenshadow · 17/10/2011 13:06

Well, I'm assuming OP wasn't actually going to suggest this at the outset.

If she was going to suggest it only when asked what DC would like, then YANBU.
Very sensible.

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EssexGurl · 17/10/2011 13:58

At DS's school, the done thing is for one of the other mums to organise a collection. Parents usually put in £5 (but it can be more/less) and the parents get presented with the whole thing at the party. Kids will bring a card only. Genius idea. I love it! I think some mums felt a bit weird to begin with but it goes without saying now that there will be a collection. It seems nicer than just bunging a fiver in the card. And you know that the mum will get it all in one go, then they can decide what to buy. We usualy get a nice email from the mum saying what the child bought, usually a DS game or such like.

We also do it for teacher collections at Christmas/end of year. Teachers love a good old John Lewis rather than lots of smellies or home made gifts they don't want!!

Could you have a word with a couple of your friends and ask them to do round robin emails to the invited kids parents saying that they are doing a collection and to see them in the playground after school?

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blondie80 · 17/10/2011 14:02

i agree with imemoo, yabu, you shouldn't expect to recieve anything.

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minimisschief · 17/10/2011 14:14

you know the kids probably do not like or talk to half their class mates

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AlfalfaMum · 17/10/2011 14:16

I can see the practicality in your idea, but I would think it a bit odd tbh..
I think in this situation I would tell people money or voucher only if asked what to get, let everyone else bring what they like, your kids keep the gifts they want most and donate the rest to charity.

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Dialsmavis · 17/10/2011 14:17

YABU to even say that to family (if they haven't asked you what DC would like) could seem rude or grabby IMO. Put 'please don't worry about bringing a gift' or just deal with the shower of cheap plastic tat that will descend on your home.

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UpsyDozy · 17/10/2011 16:01

Well it was clearly not my intention to send out a group email saying "Please have your £5.00 gift voucher ready for collection upon arrival" The invitations have already gone out.

I would never send my children to a birthday party without a gift no matter how small, nor frankly do I think it makes people 'rude' or 'grabby' to expect one.

I like your approach EssexGurl, definitely worth considering!