To think since he does the pick up every single fucking thursday

[fluffythevampirestabber]

then he should know what time it is?

(And disclaimer even if you all tell me IABU I'm going to say I'm not so you can all fuck the fuck off before you even start your YABU okay?? )

ExH picks DD2 up every Thursday since I have uni classes til 5.15 and it takes me til 6.30 to get to his to pick her up. He also gives her her tea, isn't he fantastic and father of the fucking year?

Anyway, I digress, every single fucking Thursday morning since uni went back (this is the 4th week) I get a text "What time is DD2 pick up today?"

Usually I tell him (since I have a fucking calendar and write down who does what when and I am interested in my kids and ask them about their days).

Today I replied "I have no idea. You do Thursday pick up. When do you usually get her?"

And he replied "Isn't it 4 like every other week?"

Me "How would I know? Thursday pick ups are your responsibility. Suggest you phone the school"

So, AIBU? And didn't I do well not to tell him to fuck off and get organised?

[moraletotallydestroyedbypoopoo]

No YANBU, if you just tell him the time every week he won't be arsed to remember it himself. He sounds like a child. Well done

[poppycat04]

You did well! YADNBU.
He sounds like a PITA

[WilsonFrickett]

YANBU. But be prepared for the phone call from school when he rocks up late!

[fluffythevampirestabber]

That's it exactly (please see my other threads about him being an arse - before my halloween name change I was fluffystabby).

He expects me to remember stuff for him and pick up the pieces of his irresponsibility. And how hard is it to write down "pick up DD2 4pm Art Club" in a diary somewhere?

(He calls me anal because I have an organiser calendar - not a dear one just one with 5 columns - in my kitchen and write in violin lesson, hockey match, netball practice etc)

[fluffythevampirestabber]

Actually having 100% agreement with me, I think I should ask HQ to stop any further posts to this thread

[WilsonFrickett]

Get them to start a new section called 'I definitely am not being unreasonable so there!'

[prioneyes]

Mine's not even an ex and he's like this. "What time's this, what time's that?". FGS how does he think I know this stuff other than having a modicum of interest and the ability to look at a fucking calendar?!

Sorry for hijack

[Booooooyhoo]

ooh good response fluffy!! i wouldn't have been that quick so early in the morning!

YANBU at all!!

[fluffythevampirestabber]

I suspect (although I could be wrong) that he knows damn fine that it's a 4pm not a 3pm pick up. And that he's texting me to make the point and remind me that he is picking her up today for me - the inference being isn't he great.

[SquishyCinnamonSwirls]

YADNBU!
I have to manage my ex as well as my own household and quite frankly it really grips my shit somedays.

[ShriekingLisa]

YANBU

[WilsonFrickett]

grips my shit is my new favourite expression...

[wannabestressfree]

I too have a man child exhusband. Its part of the reason he is my ex. I had four children instead of three and it used to make me cry with frustration. He used to have a pop at me about being controlling and organised but someone had to be!!!

[fluffythevampirestabber]

PMSL @ "grips my shit"

That's it exactly - today I thought why the actual bastard fuck should I tell you. I technically have nothing to do with Thursday pick ups it's up to you to sort it out.

And DD2 has 3 pairs of joggers and 2 pairs of trainers. Which she wears to his on a Thursday as she wears them to school to do PE. Guess who is now down to her last pair of joggers here and had to go to school in her converse because he makes her get changed into old stuff (not a problem) but doesn't send me the fecking joggers or trainers back?

Normally I email/text "please can I ... if it suits I'll collect them...." Today I texted "I need DD2 joggers and trainers. Once again all at your house. Have them ready tonight at 6.30 when I call to collect her."

I am taking no more of his shit.

[SquishyCinnamonSwirls]

Wannabe! Yes at relate I was described as "controlling and overly organised, and that I micro managed him", I had to or nothing would be done.
I hate the silence that you get on the phone or in person when you say that something isn't suitable, like it's up to me to fill the gap with a fantastic alternative that suits everyone down to the ground. I am now letting those silences continue and he can think for his bloody self!

I'm glad you like my turn of phrase, I'm having one of those days and must sit down in a bit and go through next year's calendar to plan his weekends!

[fluffythevampirestabber]

Squishy - yep that's me too. And that's exactly what my ex does - if I say no that doesn't suit me he expects me to do brain gymnastics to come up with a solution that he deems suitable. Now I just keep schtum as well.

After all, my ex is very keen on "equal parenting" and "50/50" so it should be that. Not just the bits he picks and chooses.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

prioneyes ditto. DH still sometimes rings me at work to check school pick times even though he works from home and the times are written on a calendar on the fridge door [hhmm]

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Fluffy - you go girl!! Well done for taking no more of his nonsense!

I don't know what it is about the male brain that makes it unable to remember some details. Dh is just the same. Yesterday he had a day off, and as I was out for the day at a crafting group, he had to take ds2 to the orthodontist to get his brace fixed where it had broken loose, and then the dog to the vet to get her bandage changed and her wound checked (she cut her paw). Despite the fact that this man can commit train timetables to memory, he had to ask me three times who was going where, and when!

[minimisschief]

you sound like a very angry bitter person.

All this rage over what could have been you texting back saying yeah its 4. i mean what is the big issue here?

[tigermoll]

And that he's texting me to make the point and remind me that he is picking her up today for me

That is exactly what he's doing, - it can be so irritating.

I once asked a friend (a previously-cat-owning-animal-lover) to do me a favour and pop in to feed some cats in a flat near to his. He agreed happily. Over the next 12 hours, he proceeded to text me EIGHTEEN times to ask inane questions such as 'what do you want me to do with the old food in their bowls? Just throw it away?' just to make it really clear that he was doing me a MASSIVE favour and that I shouldn't forget it.

(Not exactly the same thing, but still, grr.)

[startail]

YANBU as well you know, but at least your H is an xH this allows you to be as shity as you like when he's a prat.
Mine is still very much a DH so I still have to be vaguely civil, even when he's been reminded 3 times about something DC related.
Mind you it works both ways, he can only moan so much about me being late, disorganised and loosing my keys

[fluffythevampirestabber]

Minimisschief - can I suggest you search my history and see some examples of the twattery he subjects me to?

[fluffythevampirestabber]

The issue is he took on the responsibility of collecting DD2 on a Thursday but he is incapable of just getting on with it without fuss and making a point.

[GrumpyInRepose]

haven't you read the thread minimisschief? The 'big issue' is written down in black and white.

[ChaoticAngelofSamhain]

The big issue minimisschief is that the OP is not his mother, not his social secretary. Her ex is a supposedly adult male who should be capable of remembering what time to pick up his own DD, seeing as he does it every week.