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Would this irk you just slightly? Or not bother you in the least?

(39 Posts)
IfAIBUthensobeit Wed 05-Oct-11 20:22:48

Utterly trivial AIBU, I am not seeting or cross, or even mildly annoyed. More, I am wondering if I should be wondering this or have forgotten about altogether.

A good friend had a joint birthday party for her DC recently. Their birthdays are about 4 weeks apart and I asked her if they'd prefer their gifts at the parties or on their birthdays. She said their birthdays so that's what I did.

The second DC (the DD) had her birthday about 3 weeks after the party. Straight after the party I was given a card that said "thanks for coming to our party, DS loves his present and I know DD will love hers too".

All well and good really, nothing to complain about there.

BUT - I gave the DD her present a few days before her birthday and I have heard nothing from her parents about it since. I know small children get lots of presents blah blah blah but I've seen the Mum quite a few times since and had absolutely no mention whatsoever of the gift, no acknowledgement of it whatsoever. Apart from the mention of it before it was given.

I'm not expecting gushing praise or whatever just a text "thanks for the gift, DD loved it".

Now I'm left wondering if they've even opened it.

OK, I read that back, I think I'm probably BU!

Alambil Wed 05-Oct-11 20:24:10

it wouldn't even cross my mind, tbh

MrsPresley Wed 05-Oct-11 20:24:45

Why dont you ask her if her DD liked the present?

lifechanger Wed 05-Oct-11 20:24:51

Yup, you are. She sent you a thank you note. If you're genuminely concerned that you haven't heard if she liked the gift, ask her.

lifechanger Wed 05-Oct-11 20:25:15

genuinely, even.

dexter73 Wed 05-Oct-11 20:25:32

Next time I saw her I would just say that she might have forgotten as it was hectic at the party but that you gave her dd her present for her birthday then.

IfAIBUthensobeit Wed 05-Oct-11 20:27:01

Ok, thank you.

From now on I'm going to resolve to put as little effort into thinking of a present as they put into acknowledging it I think. As I drove myself to distraction in Mothercare picking something I thought she'd love and now realise that was pointless!!

That's not a toys->pram from me by the way! Just realise I don't need to stress about what to buy a pre schooler and care whether they like it.

IfAIBUthensobeit Wed 05-Oct-11 20:27:41

Lifechanger - she sent me a thank you note on the assumption that a present was gooing to be given though.

IfAIBUthensobeit Wed 05-Oct-11 20:28:48

Dexter, sorry, don't think OP was clear - I gave her the present just before her birthday, not at the party.

dexter73 Wed 05-Oct-11 20:30:52

Sorry I thought she said to give the presents at the party - memory of a goldfish!

heggertyhaggerty Wed 05-Oct-11 20:34:34

Were the parents not there when you gave her the present?

If so did they not see it then and say thanks?

IfAIBUthensobeit Wed 05-Oct-11 20:35:58

I gave it to the Mum who took it away. Didn't say thanks because it was kept for the DDs birthday so not opened.

heggertyhaggerty Wed 05-Oct-11 20:41:34

Ah Ok. I would casually mention 'Did dd like her present?'

See what happens!

Fwiw my friends' children didn't even say thankyou on the spot, when they opened theirs - and no thank you letters either unlike everyone else we know.

It did hack me off.
I think I will be downscaling my efforts too

Yama Wed 05-Oct-11 20:46:16

I really, really don't care about Thank You cards. Not on my radar.

IfAIBUthensobeit Wed 05-Oct-11 20:47:03

Thanks yama.

It's not about thank you cards, but thanks for your thoughts.

Yama Wed 05-Oct-11 20:59:43

No, I get that you'd like to know that the present was liked.

However, either it was liked so great well done you, or it wasn't liked (unlikely) and an insincere 'thanks, I loved the present' is a lie.

halcyondays Wed 05-Oct-11 21:16:21

Surely she must have said thank you when you handed her the present?

Sariah Wed 05-Oct-11 21:19:31

wtf is a thank you card?

IfAIBUthensobeit Wed 05-Oct-11 21:21:04

No, she didn't Say thank you when I gave it to her. I said "here's dd present" and she said "oh right" and chucked it in the back of the car.

BaronessOrczy Wed 05-Oct-11 22:28:15

I totally get what you mean OP. I'm downscaling presents for one set of relatives after they have not said thank you for 3 birthday presents, two 'I saw these and thought of you' and couldn't even recall, when asked, what I'd bought their child for her first birthday.

Seeing as how the couple in question are my DB, DSIL and my DN, I am now on present strike. They will receive token gifts, no more. Ifthey are so overwhelmed by gifts that they can't recall what a supposedly close sister and aunt has given, then good luck to them - I'll put my hard earned money and time into something else.

<and breaaaaaaaathe>

What are you going to do?

BaronessOrczy Wed 05-Oct-11 22:30:22

Ps I do get that it's not about thank you cards, it's about acknowledgement, that wasn't what I meant, it's whether or not a gift has been received with pleasure which counts for me. Thank you cards are a bonus!

ChippingIn Wed 05-Oct-11 22:33:21

Baroness - if I didn't know better I'd say that we share a brother, SIL & niece!!

If - I would ask her if DD liked her present. Maybe she put it away somewhere until her DD's birthday & has forgotten it's there! Or she's just bloody rude. It wouldn't take much to remember to say 'DD loved the x you got her' or even 'Thank you for DD's present' - a thank you in advance just isn't a thank you.

BaronessOrczy Wed 05-Oct-11 22:51:08

I think we do, Chipping. Have you ever seen them all in the same room?

Backtobedlam Wed 05-Oct-11 22:57:18

I spend ages choosing presents because I want to buy something the child will like. It makes no odds to me if I get a thank you card or not-I'd never downscale my efforts as to me it's not about the praise and thanks, I feel good knowing I've given the child a present they'll like

ChippingIn Wed 05-Oct-11 23:24:11

Baroness - no... but I know I don't have a sister grin

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