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AIBU?

to think that dh would want to go out for the afternoon as a family.

41 replies

lv4 · 24/09/2011 15:57

Dh works long hours during the week so sees little of myself and children during the week. This weekend he is also working today (Other weeks out most of the day for football).
I suggested that tomorrow we go our just for a short trip to a local attraction. He refused.
AIBu to be a little disappointed?

OP posts:

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BluddyMoFo · 24/09/2011 15:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

worraliberty · 24/09/2011 15:58

On what grounds did he refuse?

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lv4 · 24/09/2011 15:59

Grand Prix I think.

OP posts:

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hobnobsaremyfavourite · 24/09/2011 16:00

In which case he is a twat.
HTH

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LindyHemming · 24/09/2011 16:01

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 24/09/2011 16:02

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worraliberty · 24/09/2011 16:05

When did you suggest it to him?

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bytheMoonlight · 24/09/2011 16:07

DH is the same. Works 6 days a week. is home by 2ish normally. Getting him out of the house (unless beer is involved) is a real effort.

I sympathise.

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WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 24/09/2011 16:08

Tired?! He chooses to go football most weekends! That's a choice to NOT see his wife and kids that day every weekend!

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AuntieMonica · 24/09/2011 16:08

does he normally refuse to go out with you all?

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borderslass · 24/09/2011 16:10

Don't blame him really you say he works long hours he's entitled to have his one day off doing something he likes. Grand prix's aren't on every weekend and the season is nearly over arrange something for when there's none on or its finished.

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ballstoit · 24/09/2011 16:20

Doesnt the Gran Prix last about 2 hours? Could you not work round that one way or the other?

If not, then yes, he sounds like a selfish nob...perhaps you could go for a lovely long walk alone if he won't come? And leave the DC to spend quality time with their Dad watching the motor racing...just remember not to give them Smarties to eat just before you leave

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TillyTheHun · 24/09/2011 16:26

Could he record it and watch it later that night?
Its a shame as you'd think he would realise that the children have missed him and want to spend some time with him.
Kick him up the bum!!

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squeakytoy · 24/09/2011 16:29

I would let him have a rest, watch the grand prix, and bugger off out with the kids.. :)

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madeindevon2 · 24/09/2011 16:34

Personally it's bs. I work outside the home 5 days a week. Leaving at 7 and not returning until after 6pm. Weekends are family time in my eyes..... Yes I get tired but o think you owe it to your partner and children to do spend quality time with them when you can.

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ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 24/09/2011 16:42

I'd bugger off out without the kids. I don't get this attitude of oooh, he's tired, working soooooooooo hard, remember for every hour he works so does the OP, he must be allowed to be a selfish knob, put himself first and ignore his kids, instead of spending time with them.

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halcyondays · 24/09/2011 19:50

Yanbu. He's tired, boo hoo. All parents are tired,whether working or not. He usually has most of a day to himself at the weekend playing football, so he doesn't exactly sound put upon.

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MrsBloomingTroll · 24/09/2011 19:59

Have you tried reminding your DH of how he would look back on it from his deathbed? Will he even remember the grand prix or will the day out with his family seem more significant?

My DH works very long hours but we still try to strike a balance between his wind-down time and family time. Not that we always succeed, but on weekends where we don't, due to football or whatever, we agree that he "owes" us. We/I also plan these sorts of days well ahead.

If you have a smart phone, set up a family calendar and you can download sporting events and then plan around them.

I also make a weekend list of all the things we need to do that weekend and put it on the fridge for DH to see and either agree to or add to.

Don't want to sound smug because we don't have this problem sorted, but doing all of this helps at least.

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WomansWeekly · 24/09/2011 20:01

Have you tried reminding your DH of how he would look back on it from his deathbed?

lol you could say that to all the parents who have to work 14 hour days and see their kids for an hour a day before bed

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lecce · 24/09/2011 20:30

Have you tried reminding your DH of how he would look back on it from his deathbed?

lol you could say that to all the parents who have to work 14 hour days and see their kids for an hour a day before bed.

Bit cruel to say that to parents who are doing that through necessity, though, and even more cruel to then compare them to some lazy twunt who cba to spend the day with his family when he could do so, if he chose.

I work f/t and on a good day see my dc for 2 hours, on an average day see them for 1 hour and occassionally I don't see them at all as am back when they are in bed. However, ds2 still ends up in our bed at 12ish and wants bf so I am exhausted. I treasure familt time at w/e and find it hard to understand parents (sorry, but usually men ime) who don't seem to want to spend time as a family regularly.

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GeorgeEliot · 24/09/2011 20:35

Slaves to Grand Prix hère too but it is ds who is mad about it not dh. Can't wait for the bloody season to be over.

You should let your dh watch it and then go out after.

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larks35 · 24/09/2011 20:41

Go out before Grand Prix won't start till 3pm, loads of time to go out with family before. My dp is a big fan and tbh myself and ds quite enjoy watching bits of it but we are planning a full morning and lunch out tomorrow and home in time for the race.

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TheWorldKeepsSpinning · 24/09/2011 20:45

My dh is exactly the same as yours.

He leaves at 7am and gets in at 9pm most days. I do feel for him and I appreciate that he wants to rest and stay at home some weekends.

If I said to him 'lets go out to so-and-so tomorrow' he would probably say no too.

I've got him to agree to go out on a day trip as a family once a month and ask him which day is best (ie one where there isn't an important football match on) and I let him know about invites out at least a week in advance.

On the Thursday, I usually text him with some plan for the weekend which might be something small like a an hr or so at the park or a walk or dinner out as a family. I find he's more likely to agree then as he's at work and anything else sounds better and he's also looking forward to the weekend.

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RedHotPokers · 24/09/2011 20:53

OP YANBU to be disappointed.

However, compromise is key. I used to get ratty about the fact DH didn't want to go on big day trips on the one day a week he had off. Then I realised we were actually much happier and chilled out if we just scaled back a bit and did something small every weekend. Even if it was just a half hour trip to the park, short outing to the local pool, sunday lunch at local pub. No need for epic trips!

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dreamingbohemian · 24/09/2011 20:55

What was the local attraction? Fair enough if he wasn't interested in that.

Family time doesn't have to mean going out, is he happy to spend the day with you all at home?

It's not on if he never wants to spend time with you at all, but I don't think it's crazy to not want to traipse around town on your only day off either.