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Is it unreasonable to lie?

(52 Posts)
Wossisface Sun 28-Aug-11 20:27:56

About your dc location to get a better school? Not asking for me but in general. I would love to know your opinions as the subject came up today amongst family.

cyb Sun 28-Aug-11 20:29:18

I think if they found out you would be chucked out of school application process. And they will find out, you have to provide proof(s) of address

LynetteScavo Sun 28-Aug-11 20:29:21

YABU to post this in AIBU.

I believe it should be in the education or primary topic.

But yes, it is unreasonable to lie to get into a better school. Obviously.

Happymm Sun 28-Aug-11 20:32:07

Yes it is, when the people who actually do live in that location can't get into their local school thanks to all the lying fuckers, pretending they do, so I can see them drive their children to my local school, which I could walk to, whilst I drive in the opposite direction for a wasted hour or so a day <bitter experience emoticon>

Thankfully after many appeals and finally paying a barrister to fight for us we got in-just before DC 2 started there. smile

bubblesincoffee Sun 28-Aug-11 20:32:42

Yes, it's unreasonable to lie. But if I was left with absolutely no choice whatsoever, (which is very unlikely), I would consider it.

FabbyChic Sun 28-Aug-11 20:33:30

Personally I would move.

However, I have found that no matter what school your child goes to makes no difference they either have it or they don't and will flourish wherever they go if they are intelligent enough.

defrocked Sun 28-Aug-11 20:33:30

obtaining advantage by deception

Nagoo Sun 28-Aug-11 20:33:36

It is wrong.

Andrewofgg Sun 28-Aug-11 20:34:12

Not unreasonable. Inexcusable.

Wossisface Sun 28-Aug-11 20:34:33

Sorry perhaps should have wrote it there but as it came into a big debate over dinner today, thought I would see what others thought here. Perhaps it was the wrong board to post under.

My mum who is beyond honest shocked me by saying of course you should if it means benefitting your children. Put a different slant to it in my mind. Not sure I would have the conscience to do it. I'm lucky that I like the local school and it has good offsted.

DancesWithWolefCubs Sun 28-Aug-11 20:35:21

With Happymm and everyone else on this one. Costs me a bloody fortune in petrol/bus fares. If it's you, OP, I hope you get roasted alive on here.


Andrewofgg Sun 28-Aug-11 20:39:01

Wossiface ask your mum if she would steal - assuming she could get away with it - to pay school fees?

bubblesincoffee Sun 28-Aug-11 20:47:05

What's stealing got to do with it? confused

TidyDancer Sun 28-Aug-11 20:48:15

Absolutely wrong. This kind of despicable practice is never acceptable.

Andrewofgg Sun 28-Aug-11 20:50:18

bubblesincoffee it's just two different sorts of dishonest behaviour.

niceguy2 Sun 28-Aug-11 20:50:28

I've never had to do it myself but I have to say that if the choices was between my kids going to a terrible school or a good one then I'd do it.

That said, I'd try to do it legitimately at first if I could. I did move about 5 years ago to avoid my kids going to a crap secondary in special measures because the council wanted to even the numbers out. For some strange reason the good school was oversubscribed and the bad wasn't. So the council in their infinite wisdom decided to change the rules!

ChippingIn Sun 28-Aug-11 20:50:48

YABU - well you would be if you did it, though I can understand why it's tempting, especially if you aren't in a position to move. I think you just have to see how it affects other people such as Dances to see why it's unreasonable.

Lynette - why should it be in another topic - it's a perfectly legitimate AIBU fgs.

Maryz Sun 28-Aug-11 20:56:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StopRainingPlease Sun 28-Aug-11 20:56:20

Of course it's wrong to lie about this. However, it's really the school catchment system itself that's wrong - why should where you live determine whether your kids go to a good school?

ilovesooty Sun 28-Aug-11 20:56:53

Of course it's unreasonable. It's despicable and totally unacceptable.

DogsBestFriend Sun 28-Aug-11 20:57:02

"I've never had to do it myself but I have to say that if the choices was between my kids going to a terrible school or a good one then I'd do it."

You and me both, niceguy. It sounds like we've had similar experiences.

I've bent over backwards and sacrificed a lot to get my children as good an education as possible. I'm acutely aware that whilst the middle classes' children often do okay in failing schools the situation for working class kids of lone parents like me isn't always so cut and dried and so yes, I would do what it takes to provide my children with a decent education. If, after all else had failed, that meant lying, so be it.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Sun 28-Aug-11 20:57:16

they either have it or they don't and will flourish wherever they go

I have to take issue with you Fabby - education is one area where it is possible to make a silk purse out of sow's ear.

CurrySpice Sun 28-Aug-11 21:02:10

I could have easily done this (said we had moved in with DP who lives in catchment of brilliant school) but didn't and wouldn't. Because it's wrong.

yes, it is U to lie like thhis

bubblesincoffee Sun 28-Aug-11 21:07:33

It is dishonest, obviously. But stealing is taking someone's property, whereas lying to get a school place is not taking something that belongs to someone else.

I realise some would disagree with that, but I don't see why one child should have more right to a place than another, or why one family has the right to a good school that they don't have to travel far to when another family doesn't.

Having had friends recently go through the stress of being allocated a special measures school miles away from home, and end up with an upset 4 yo saying they don't want to go to school, I have to say I would do whatever I could to avoid that. Really, the child I'm thinking of had good reason to not want to go to that school after being forgotton about by the teacher and being ignored when another child upset him, and my friend got sworn at by another parent who was standing in the playground smoking. When that's the reality of the opposit choice to lying, it seems like an understandable option.

I'd be much much more likely to move than to lie, but I can understand why parents would take a chance with lying. What have they got to lose? If they get caught then they are no worse off than when they started, and if they get fined, well, it's a chance I'd be prepared to take for my child.

niceguy2 Sun 28-Aug-11 21:09:15

Stopraining. Because the ugly truth is that in an affluent area the kids will in general be better behaved because of their upbringing. The few rotten apples will be in the minority and can be dealt with by the teachers

In poorer areas there will be a disproportionate amount of crime, bad families etc. Your child will have low expectations as their peers will have none themselves. They will spend their time trying to survive rather than study.

It's easy for those who are not in this situation or care to say it's wrong. Yes of course it's wrong but then my priority is to my children. As much as I want to, I can't change the world and make all schools better.

The school my council wanted to send my child to was in special measures. It had it's own full time policeman, the new head was in the papers recently for stamping out smoking in the playground. A child killed himself because of the bullying and oh yes, the school had it's own benefits "shop". I kid you not.

So look at it from my point of view. I have a child at a brilliant primary school, ahead of kids her age. She's been brought up "correctly" (ie. no smoking, drinking/sex). Now the council want her to go to that school.

Your alternative is to lie. Would you? In a heartbeat I would! Luckily I had the resources to move. Other parents may not be so lucky. Is it wrong? yes it is. Would I do it? You bet your arse I would!

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