Sorry if this is a bit long.
I met DP 3 years ago. At the time, he was living between a house in the countryside and a flat provided by his work in central London. I was living in London as well.
Some time after we met, he moved jobs, meaning he no longer had the work flat in central London. Around the same time he and I agreed that I'd spend a bit of time working unpaid for this startup I was consulting for with a view to taking equity and seeing it grow. But then shortly after moving in with him I got a great job offer, in London, so having given up my place in London we were then both commuting every day.
After a while it started to drive me nuts living in 'his' space, and he was fed up with all my stuff lying around, so I ended up moving back out of his place to a flat in London again. Things were suddenly really, totally, wonderfully rosy and everything seemed to have fallen into place. He proposed last winter and I said yes.
But now that we're planning on getting married, there's this question of where the flaming nora we're going to live. He doesn't want to do his London job forever - it's become increasingly clear over the time I've known him that he'd rather move right away from London as soon as he can. He also doesn't want to move back to London permanently, as he says it's too noisy, smelly, unsafe and expensive and he loves the countryside. He doesn't even like coming to my flat in London, as he says South London reminds him too much of the city where he grew up.
I on the other hand am committed to a training course that'll require me to be in or around London for another 2 years. Most of my friends are in London. I'm worried that if I move out of London to be with DP when we're married I'll make it loads harder to finish my training, I'll lose touch with my friends and I'll end up stuck in a backwater with fewer opportunities in my chosen field. I'm happy to move away eventually, but I'm really frustrated that while DP moans all the time that we're not spending enough time together he doesn't seem to want to compromise to the extent of considering living with me in London for a few years while we're both working there.
AIBU? Are we just fundamentally incompatible? It's turning into this awful stalemate and while I love him to absolute pieces it's really rubbing us both up the wrong way at the moment.
PS: Please don't be too harsh - I'm pretty period-ish and mis today
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AIBU?
to not really want to leave London?
52 replies
OTheHugeRaveningWolef · 23/08/2011 21:50
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