Have a beautiful DS who was born 10 months ago after 11 long years of infertility, surgery 9 times, medication, lots of heartache. Pregnancy was bloody traumatic as was birth, and I am still suffering from physical complications from EMCS, which leave me a bit fed up at times but not depressed - definately not depressed!
Amazed by DS. He is FABULOUS. I never thought I'd get him, and I am so so amazed to finally be his Mum.
But I am unbelievably sad that I will never have another pregnancy or birth - have been told it would be unlikely that I'd conceive naturally again, and that the pregnancy would be v risky, balancing risk of DS losing his mum against miniscule chance of having another baby anyway means I won't 'even' try.
I have a couple of mates who are heavily pregnant at the moment and seeing them is more difficult than when I used to see friends when struggling with infertility. I feel jealous, bitter and resentful that they are on their 2nd and 3rd pregnancies - and I hate myself for feeling like this. They would never know - I have an excellent mask and am a bloody good actress when needed. I am thier 'wonderful supportive lovely' friend as one wrote in a card to me recently after I went over to take her 2 out to the park for 4 hours with my DS so she could get some sleep - and I played with the kids and had a lovely time but really struggled with seeing her huge bump and all the newborn stuff out again, and her chatter about feeding and type of birth she wants etc.
Why am I mourning for something that was well beyond any wildest dream, when I have my wildest dream come true in DS? Has anyone else ever felt this way?
Please be gentle...! I am aeware IABU but I don't know what to do and would really appreciate any advice or similar experiences. TIA.
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To Not Understand Why I Feel This Way - and to be desperate not to?
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RawBluntednessNeeded · 21/08/2011 21:03
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