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AIBU?

To dream of several days on my own?

47 replies

FlamingoBingo · 21/08/2011 14:30

Completely on my own?

I am a SAHM to four home educated children. I love my life...most of the time.

But I dream of solitude. Long hours of writing interspersed by long walks.

If I mention this dream to DH, his eyes light up and I realise he hasn't got it at all.

But I can't exactly say to him: "No, I mean without you as well! Much as I love you, you also clutter up my mind."

So, if I ever do get this break I so desperately want, I'll have to have it either with him, or knowing that he's sitting at home with the children feeling rejected.

AIBU to feel a little bit desperate for more time alone...properly alone? He gets a whole hour twice every day - I don't think he realises quite how much I would love even that (journey to and from work, without bickering children, and listening to what I want on the radio).

I do love him, and want to spend time with him, but I want solitude.

OP posts:

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PlentyOfPubgardens · 21/08/2011 14:38

YANBU and I don't think it's an unreasonable thing to ask your DH for either.

I think time alone is really important for most people. I get plenty at the moment as my DC are pretty much grown up and I'm under-employed but my DP finds it hard to find proper alone time, so every now and again, I take the DC to my mum's for a weekend so he can sit about in his pants watching cartoons get some space.

bigun1 · 21/08/2011 14:42

YANBU at all

I am very fortunate, i have one small ds, and a husband who is very very happy camping with our ds, or going off for days in a museum/football match etc and so i have quite a few days to myself.

I have always liked my own company, reading, just being quiet and alone. I cherish it....and i only have the one!

Goodness, i would NEED time alone if i were in your shoes.

TidyDancer · 21/08/2011 14:46

YANBU. I would love this. I do get some time away from the DCs, my mum and DP's parents have them for us whenever we let them! But it would be nice for some complete solitude at times. DP may have to go on a research trip for work soon, would it be terribly selfish to ship the LOs off to the GPs for at least a night so I can do fuck all, but do it alone?

FlamingoBingo · 21/08/2011 14:47

He takes them all to his parents for the day every couple of months, but it's big, long WHOLE days I'd love. Waking on my own, going to sleep on my own...

OP posts:

joric · 21/08/2011 14:47

I think you should plan something- you will benefit enormously as will your DH and DC who will also get a break from you.

MrsRobertDuvall · 21/08/2011 14:48

Yadnbu.
I love being on my own and am lucky enough to have a couple of 4 day breaks every year by myself.
I love reading, walking, eating, coffees.......and then come back all refreshed.there is no one in the house atbthe moment and it is bliss.

Squitten · 21/08/2011 14:52

YADNBU! DH took DS1 away for a long weekend with FIL on a boys trip. It was bliss. DS2 was too small to go with them this year but I'm hopeful for 2012 :)

iliketea · 21/08/2011 15:03

YADNBU from me too. I've had a couple of days to myself since dh took dd away for an overnight stay - complete bliss. I expected to miss them a little more than I do, in fact I'm just enjoying the rest!

Can you not arrange for a couple of hours or an afternoon on your own and leave him with the dcs even if you can't manage a longer time?

hairfullofsnakes · 21/08/2011 15:15

Yanbu to dream of this but realistically is this going to happen? Maybe you should accept that whole days and days is unrealistic and aim for a day here and there instead? We probably all dream of this but I'm reality - and making the choice of having four kids - it is probably unrealistic to expect this!

hairfullofsnakes · 21/08/2011 15:16

in reality!

PacificDogwood · 21/08/2011 15:18

YAsooooooNBU

I recently had 3 days (2 evenings and overnights) with only DS4 (DH was away with the other 3) and even that was bliss.

fifitrixibellesmith · 21/08/2011 15:19

the thing is, you have chosen to have your kids around you 24/7 more or less. Its not their fault you are fed up with their company. Maybe you could think about getting them back into school, then you would have plenty of time for your Charlotte Bronte daydreams :)

Ephiny · 21/08/2011 15:29

Can't you make it happen? Either he could take the children away on a long weekend, or if that would be difficult, he could stay home with them while you go away - book a little National Trust cottage or something?

Assuming your DH has a normal amount of holiday allowance from work, it should be possible to do that, and have a family holiday all together if you want?

You'd need his support though, which means you need to tell him what you want. I don't see why he should be offended by it, I love being with DP but still we both need our own space sometimes, and have been on some separate holidays.

I do sympathise, I love my quiet time and solitude as well. But then you couldn't pay me enough to have four children, never mind being a SAHM and homeschooling them!

joric · 21/08/2011 15:29

Ooh fifi!! :o !!

FoundWanting · 21/08/2011 16:07

My DH sounds similar, OP. I know he wants more time for us as a couple, but I crave time completely on my own. It's hard to find the balance.

Once a week, he gets to drive to another office 2 hours away. I am so envious of this journey, but he hates it.

He also has days when he is completely alone, driving around visiting sites. He knows better than to complain about those days anymore.

FlamingoBingo · 21/08/2011 17:08

Glad I'm not alone.

Actually laughing out loud at the 'serves you right' and 'that's not realistic' responses.

If it was realistic, then I wouldn't be bloody dreaming about it, I'd be doing it!

And the 'you shouldn't have lots of kids and then complain about it being hard work' brigade can naff off, quite frankly. What a bloody stupid thing to think!

OP posts:

TaudrieTattoo · 21/08/2011 17:10

I did it.

I buggered off to North Norfolk for a week in a gorgeous one-bedroomed cottage.

It. Was. Bliss.

Want to do it again and not come back.

TaudrieTattoo · 21/08/2011 17:12

It's essential, imo.

Read Clarissa Pinkola Estes on the subject.

I wrote 11000 words in five days.

God, it was amazing...

FlamingoBingo · 21/08/2011 17:13

How did you justify the money being spent on just you, Tawdry? I think that would be my sticking point, even if the 'getting the time' thing wasn't an issue!

OP posts:

TaudrieTattoo · 21/08/2011 17:16

How did I justify it?

Well...I didn't think I needed to.

Maybe I'm selfish, I don't know. We had some spare money, I called it my Christmas present. I went in November, I think...or was it Feb? Out of season, anyhow.

Caused much consternation, but nobody died, and I had my batteries refreshed.

It was heavenly. Long walks, tea at the pub with a book for company, everybody wondering who that mysterious woman was who was illegally parked but didn't realise.

If you can find the cash, I can't think of a better way to spend it, tbh.

FlamingoBingo · 21/08/2011 17:21

If I could find the cash, Tawdry, I would :) And I know I wouldn't have to justify it to anyone else. I'd just have a problem justifying it to myself, I think! Always something else it ought to be spent on IYSWIM

OP posts:

aquos · 21/08/2011 17:32

My dh took the kids off to visit his mother for 2 days last year. 2 days and 1 whole night of blissful peace and solitude. (apart from dd ringing me every half hour to tell me what they were doing and ask what I was doing).

My daydream is hiring a camper van, loading it with food and books, then me and the dog disappearing off in it for a couple of weeks. I've no idea where we'd go, that's not really important. That particular day dream is very sustaining on the more trying days in our house.

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TaudrieTattoo · 21/08/2011 17:41

Flamingo - just go for it. If you can find the cash, just do it. You won't regret it.

Don't put yourself last. Even on a plane, they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first. Think of it like that.

Canella · 21/08/2011 17:46

Another daydreamer here! Altho I may be an illegal one since I get time during term time. all my dc are at school or kindergarten but the little ones are only out 4 hours and by the time I get everything done I'm sometimes home alone for 10 mins. Its a whole day and night I dream of but since thats unlikely to happen then i try to maximise the "me time" i can have in those 4 hours.
The rest of my day is so much better when I at least feel I had 30 mins time to do absolutely nothing. Because apart from when i'm asleep i'm always doing something for someone or for the house.

So YADNBU - hope you can try to work something out with your dh.

donteatyourteawithnoknickerson · 21/08/2011 17:47

YANBU

DH is off out with DSisIL tonight and DDs are on for an early-ish bedtime :) and I am looking forward to some alone time - even only a couple of hours!

A few days would be heaven itself.....

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