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AIBU?

Should I let my child decide how to decorate her own bedroom?

47 replies

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 09/08/2011 12:41

Apparently I would be uptight and controlling and not allowing her to feel like a real member of the household if I did not.

Let's pretend my child was not 2, here. If she was 7? Should she be able to paint her room orange, eg?

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Lotkinsgonecurly · 09/08/2011 12:44

I think its empowering for the DC to choose the paint and decoration for their bedroom. I did this with dd aged 4, however I let her choose from 3 paint colours and duvet sets that I liked.

I promise to be more lenient with a teenager ( maybe).

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Lotkinsgonecurly · 09/08/2011 12:44

Meant to add

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twinklypearls · 09/08/2011 12:46

You let them think they have decorated your bedroom, if I let my dd have free reign we would have black walls, a gold circular bed and silver glittery wall paper. You talk generally about colours and offer then options.

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Saski · 09/08/2011 12:46

Hell no. If my kids decorated their rooms, firstly, it would be a different thing every 6 months or so and secondly it would probably be Sponge Bob or Star Wars and I'm not having it. I'd take on board their general views and incorporate it into a theme that suits you.

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squeakytoy · 09/08/2011 12:48

You give them a choice. But the choice is limited to what you yourself approve of. So pick say three options, and ask her which she would like. That way she has had some input, but you keep control.

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/08/2011 12:49

If she likes 'orange' perhaps let her have carte blanche with some orange accessories, which can be easily removed when she's fed up. You choose the base colour with her - two or three colours that you can live with - and she can pick one of those.

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/08/2011 12:50

Or better still... let her paint some pictures to put on the wall in her room... she can paint them whatever colour she wants but they won't be permanent.

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JustFiveMinutesHAHAHA · 09/08/2011 12:51

Tortoise :) How has this all come about? From the other thread or a friend??

I think that when a room is due to be redecorated it's nice for them to have some say in how it's done, but as others have said - more of a choice between things you like than simply free reign - but then I guess it depends on the rest of the house and what they would choose if they were given free reign.

If they ask I'm pretty OK with most stuff - but I couldn't be done with them just doing it without asking (as per the other thread).

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Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 09/08/2011 12:51

See, I remember being 9 and finally having my own room and being allowed to choose the wallpaper, and it was a big deal.

I'm tempted to say, when you can meaningfully help paint, you can choose the colour. And also when you can clean your own room. Responsibility = privilege. But then I feel like a tyrant.

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JustFiveMinutesHAHAHA · 09/08/2011 12:53

Oh and no - you would not be controlling and uptight!

I would actually let them paint the walls orange if it's what they really wanted - if you choose the right paint it's easy enough to paint over later on.

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Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 09/08/2011 12:54

Which other thread? Is there a thread I have missed? No, I was having a conversation with some friends elsewhere and it spun off onto this topic, and someone said I/we should always let our kids choose their own rooms because she has such strong memories of really owning her space. I think I am far more 'you have to earn your space' than her, and I wondered who was more usual.

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TubbyDuffs · 09/08/2011 12:54

My mother never let me have any input into decor for my room, and such my bedroom looked like a bloody hotel room! She is very controlling.

I have consulted my kids (the ones old enough to be consulted) on colours and beds, bedding etc and its great when you can do it all together.

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redskyatnight · 09/08/2011 12:56

DS is 7 and chose to have an orange room .

My main criteria was that it wasn't something that they'd grow out of too quickly - so 4 year old DD's reqeust for Peppa Pig was turned down but we compromised on very pink with butterflies :)

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JustFiveMinutesHAHAHA · 09/08/2011 12:56

I was about the same age too when I was allowed to choose my new wallpaper :) It was great!!

If it needs doing you'd be doing it anyway - regardless of who is choosing the colour/paper etc so I don't see why it makes any difference.

If it doesn't need doing but they just 'want' it - then maybe let them have it for part of their birthday/christmas present etc - unless you have the money to just change it anyway.

That is a bit tyranical to make them wait until they can 'meaningfully help paint' I actually did help to paint and felt totally grown up being allowed to do the gloss on the door frame

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JustFiveMinutesHAHAHA · 09/08/2011 12:57

Which I suspect my Dad probably re-sanded and did again

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/08/2011 12:58

I was a teen in the 80s and I really wanted to change my room to having that grey wallpaper with black, white and red zigzags on it... it was like living in a ECG but I loved it at the time. I changed back to ditsy print before I moved out.

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DoMeDon · 09/08/2011 12:59

No - you let her have input and compromise and talk about it, but no she doesn't just decide. That makes you a parent not controlling!

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JustFiveMinutesHAHAHA · 09/08/2011 13:01

This one here

I don't think they have to 'earn' their space - I think as part of the family they are entitled to their space within the family home - so this means it's not theirs to do as they please with, but that they do get some say in how it looks/what is in it - but within limits - clear as mud!

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pommedechocolat · 09/08/2011 13:01

My parents gave me free reign at 17 and I painted silver, purple and pink stars everywhere and wrote song quotes from my favourite indie bands on the wall in silver paint.

A few years ago they redid my bedroom and it took 4 coats of paint to cover it all.

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LolaRennt · 09/08/2011 13:01

I think you should let DD decorate her own room, I would only stay away with "faddy" things she will grow out of in 6 months (Dora the explorer, or Miley or something likethat) and then want replaced. It is "her" room and its nice to have one place that means somesomething special because you created it.

People don't generally get to see children's rooms so it won't reflect on your decor if that's what youre worried about. And if it is truly hideious you can just close the door!

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Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 09/08/2011 13:02

Well, by meaningfully help I don't mean she needs to be able to do it on her own, but I'm very into teaching her life skills and it works best if she'll get the benefit of the chore, she'll be more motivated. So she has to actually help, not just slosh a bit of paint around and then wander off.

And because if it needs doing and I can do it my way, it'll be probably neutral. If I do it her way it'll be red and then I'll have to do it again next year when she hates red. And dark colours are murder to re-do, for all those teens who want black rooms.

And WHAT other thread? I want to know, now.

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Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 09/08/2011 13:03

x-post, cheers five minutes!

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crazygracieuk · 09/08/2011 13:04

I think your dd is unreasonable if she wanted a room that was out of budget or too hard for you/ her dad to do DIY wise.

Our house is very neutral apart from the kids' rooms which have very bold coloured Walls. They picked the colours on the proviso that they can't change their mind for 2 years. Personally I'd never pick a bedroom in that colour but they love the colours of their Walls. Unlike some aquaintences I will be vetoing posters of glamour models but as my oldest in 10, he hasn't asked yet.

If you have a legitimate reason like you rent or plan to sell soon then you are reasonable not to paint it orange. If you're devious then O'd go for a paler shade of it.

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BaronessBomburst · 09/08/2011 13:07

My mum redecorated my room when I was 10, but to her taste. It was dark pink and cream florals, very Victoriana. I hated it. I have never forgiven her. I spent my entire adolescence being cringingly embarrassed whenever friends came to visit. I was a Goth. DS will most certainly get to choose his own decor.

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SardineQueen · 09/08/2011 13:09

We "let" 3 yo DD "choose" how to decorate her new room.

This involved giving her a choice of 2 different colours for the walls and letting her choose the lampshades + curtains (although we don't have the new curtains yet and don't know when that's going to happen now - she doesn't seem to have noticed).

Incidentally we like orange and have a room painted a golden-orange sort of colour (small spare room upstairs so not one for show IYKWIM) and I love it, it's so bright and cheerful

Also I don't think things get redone unless they need it. We don't redecorate except for need - we don't decorate very often. So they would need something that is going to be OK for a few years at least. That's why I reckon accessories are the way forward.