Oh FFS! Dh and I have had a rough few years. He works far too many hours and has tended to opt out of our relationship and family life a lot because of it. I (naturally) moan about this to my friends. Well I have well and truly learnt my lesson on that one.
Recently found out that someone I had considered to be a friend and whom I see fairly often socially "decided" that we were both clearly very unhappy and were about to split up. As she's fancied my dh for years(!) she thought she'd bag him first and has been texting and emailing him to let him know she's available.
I've sorted this out with dh and I she's actually done us a back-handed favour as we've talked and talked and sorted out issues that have been festering for years. I've still yet to talk to her though as I don't trust myself to keep my dignity, but it's only a matter of time before we cross paths.
Dh thinks she's sad and lonely, so I should forgive and forget: AIBU to think bugger that - what she's done is unforgivable?
AIBU?
To think that just because I let off steam about my Dh to my friends, it does not make him fair game?
RoobyMyrtle · 07/08/2011 18:08
I thought this would be you saying that you'd moaned about dh and friends had spread it all around.
I am still 
she would certainly never be my friend again and i would be letting all our other friends now why !!
Sorry but she was not your friend. Whilst it was unfair of you to bad mouth your dh, understandable, but unfair. It sounds like through talking to dh you've realised this which is brilliant.
My dh is in a similar position to yours, I ahve one friend who I do sometimes have a moan too, but she adores my dh (platonic-ally) so she knows I need to vent not that we are having issues. Mostly when dh is being a nob I call MiL, thats what she's there for! 
However I don't be;lieve for one minute your friend thought your relationship was on the rocks, she wanted a green light to behave badly and that was it. She'd have thought of something else if things were ok.
I had a so called friend who was party to a conversation about adultry. I had remarked that given the nature of dh's job, I had to trust him so never felt the need to check up on him, and felt our relationship and moral codes were enough. I flippantly remarked "besides what I don't know can't hurt" referring to the fact that dh could easily have an affair through his travelling without any mutual acquaintances finding out, so I'd never know.
She took this as her "green light", spread rumours that we had an open relationship and kept calling dh when she suspected he was away to discuss possible work her company needed. Dh treated her with courtesy and told me off the phone calls etc. It did not end well for her when another mutual friend called her up on her behaviour and her dp of the time found out and left her....I maintained my dignity throughout and am still civil to her and am glad to this day that I did 
Why did she need to be "texting and emailing" though? If she was just letting him know she was available wouldn't one reply telling her she'd was barking up the wrong tree be enough to put a stop to it all? Sorry if I've a nasty suspicious mind, but is DH asking you to go easy on her for a reason?
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