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trying to set some limits on comings and goings for a nearly adult in the house?

(48 Posts)
avoidingwork Thu 04-Aug-11 15:15:48

I am after some guidance and to see what others think or do about "almost adults" and the hours they keep.
We have dss living with us now (he is just 17) and tends to stay out quite late of an evening.
Now this isnt an issue as such and I understand he is pretty much a man BUT it disrupts the household. We have 2 small children (under 6) and us (DH and I) and a small house (3 bedder) and we go to bed pretty early. (at least by 10).

So each evening we are woken by him coming in and then we all get up and almost have tpo "creep around" as he doesnt get up until later (maybe midday).

So what do other people do with their kids that age? Do you have limits on when they should come in? Is that unreasonavle for a 17 year old? What is your solution?

avoidingwork Thu 04-Aug-11 15:16:39

The smalls are in bed by 7 or 8 btw, not 10pm grin

icooksocks Thu 04-Aug-11 15:18:27

I havent been there yet. But I would sit him down and tell him that whilst your okay about what time he comes in, you cant promise not to wake him in the morning as you have to get about your daily business. Don't be afraid to make noise in the morning. If he's anything like I was as a teenager he'll probably sleep through it anyway.

usualsuspect Thu 04-Aug-11 15:19:07

My Ds is 18 ,at 17 he came in pretty much whatever time he wanted

I never creep about when hes in bed in the morning though ,but he would sleep through a bomb dropping anyway

avoidingwork Thu 04-Aug-11 15:20:36

I must admit, we are still at the stage where we cant really settle until we know he is in for the night too but hopefully that will pass .

GypsyMoth Thu 04-Aug-11 15:21:00

I have this too. A mix of teens and younger ones, plus I sleep in lounge so they need to be extra respectful!

I insist they take a key
I leave hall light on to minimise noise and disruption
Tell them that noisy cars drop off at end of street
And always let me know by ten at latest what plans on returning home are
My eldest 2 are girls, so quite often have a stream of teen girls popping in to 'just use the mirror'!!!

justpaddling Thu 04-Aug-11 15:21:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AMumInScotland Thu 04-Aug-11 15:21:25

I would stop creeping around - I assume you have work and school to think about? So getting up and getting on with the day is a necessity. Tough luck if he got in late and wants a lie in!

SenoritaViva Thu 04-Aug-11 15:24:09

I definitely wouldn't creep around during the day.

You have to make it clear that it is important he doesn't wake people if he chooses to be out late as this is the natural time to sleep and whilst you will be considerate during the day you won't stop the natural course of the day either.

If he complains tell him it's the above, or if he continues to wake you up when you gets back late, or is rude about being woken during the day then you will simply set restrictions on him staying out late. Them's the rules I reckon.

Cocoflower Thu 04-Aug-11 15:25:47

I agree with others- dont creep around for a start!

Riveninside Thu 04-Aug-11 15:31:28

Ds gets in when he wants but is under orders to be quiet. In the morning we dont creep around.

Andrewofgg Thu 04-Aug-11 15:46:52

Agree with all others who say he must not wake you up - and I like the idea that he msut be droped at the end of the road, wish I had said that when I needed too - and must take the chance of being woken by you going about your daily lives.

Sarsaparilllla Thu 04-Aug-11 16:00:49

Agree with everyone else, sit him down and tell him he needs to be quieter when he comes in and that in the mornings you have things to be getting on with so carry on as normal

notso Thu 04-Aug-11 16:02:53

I don't think it is unreasonable to expect him to give you a rough time to expect him back even if that time is 5am.
My parents expected this from me at 17, my Mum felt that it was safer as she would know when to worry if I was out late rather than wondering all night when I was coming home.
Also it is respectful, I expect DH to give me a rough idea of when he will be home from a night out and he expects the same from me.

squeakytoy Thu 04-Aug-11 16:10:08

Definately dont creep about during the day, but insist he has some consideration for others if he is coming in when there are small children, and yourselves in bed.

CMOTdibbler Thu 04-Aug-11 16:11:45

I don't think its unreasonable to give him a time limit to be in - certainly in the week when you and dh need to be up for work and children for school. And you certainly can't be worrying about him sleeping in

I guess this is only till September when he's back in college though ?

Maryz Thu 04-Aug-11 16:12:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bellavita Thu 04-Aug-11 16:16:44

My oldest is only 14 and whilst we do not have the issue of him staying out late yet, (he often goes to bed later than me in the hols as I am a 10.00 o'clocker) he still likes to sleep in on a morning. I do not tiptoe round. I just get on with what I have to do regardless of whether he is in bed or not.

DoMeDon Thu 04-Aug-11 16:17:30

I would expect a quiet arrival home and no way would I be creeping about in the morning.

I would want to know 'if' he was coming home and if I was working next day I would set a curfew of around 11/12.

My view is 'my house, my rules' with lots of space for compromise and discussion around the rules.

avoidingwork Thu 04-Aug-11 16:23:30

peabody he is unemployed

avoidingwork Thu 04-Aug-11 16:25:51

sorry, i realise others asked too

revolutionscoop Thu 04-Aug-11 16:29:24

Talk to your dh about what your expectations are, come to a consensus, then speak to your dss together. A united front is absolutely vital.

Maryz Thu 04-Aug-11 16:29:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether Thu 04-Aug-11 16:30:29

If he's unemployed, I wouldn't let him stay in bed late. It's a really bad habit to get into and he will find it harder to fit into a work routine when he gets a job.

Sarsaparilllla Thu 04-Aug-11 16:32:53

If he's unemployed then staying out all night and sleeping in until midday aren't going to get him a job, is he looking?

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