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AIBU?

NOT to call DH right now to tell him that his grandmother is dying? Quick - help!

43 replies

TimeHasToldMe · 25/07/2011 13:46

DH is on a trial shift for a fantastic new job. MIL has just called to ask if I call him right now to tell him that his Granny is on her way out (not entirely unexpected, she's 103..)

MIL didn't want to call him herself as he's told her off before for calling him at work. If it was just work I'd call him straight away, but this interview / trial is so important to him I just want to wait for a couple of hours until he's done (3.30pm)

The way I see it, there's nothing he can do right now (they're abroad) and it would only upset him. Is that my decision to make though?

OP posts:

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EuphemiaMcGonagall · 25/07/2011 13:47

What would he do if you called?

GeneralCustardsHardHat · 25/07/2011 13:47

If he cannot get out there to be by her side then don't ring, there is little need to do so IMO. If there is a chance he can, and he wants to, then ring.

squeakytoy · 25/07/2011 13:47

I would have thought his phone would be switched off anyway.

As you say, there is absolutely nothing that he could do, it isnt unexpected, and this interview IS important.

I would definately wait until later.

holyShmoley · 25/07/2011 13:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Loonytoonie · 25/07/2011 13:48

Oh God, what a dilemma. I don't know what to say, so I'm just doing this to keep this thread bumped at the top. Sorry OP. Sorry for your DH's nan too

SeaChelles · 25/07/2011 13:48

I wouldn't call. I'd wait til he'd finished if it were me. But I expect other opinions would differ.

Witchofthenorth · 25/07/2011 13:48

I think it depends on how close he is to is granny....is mil expecting him to go to her?

stealthsquiggle · 25/07/2011 13:48

2 hours will make no difference. Call MIL and explain though or she will be in a state by the time he does ring.

Kladdkaka · 25/07/2011 13:49

I think I'd do the same, but be looking to make arrangements to get him out there asap while I wait.

EuphemiaMcGonagall · 25/07/2011 13:49

If he can't see her or speak to her, don't call him.

suzikettles · 25/07/2011 13:49

I wouldn't call.

Witchofthenorth · 25/07/2011 13:49

Actually reading that back my post sounds really insensitive.....I am ver sorry, it was not my intention

LilRedWG · 25/07/2011 13:49

Personally, if they are abroad and he cannot get there I would wait, but would call him immediately he is free and let him know. That way he can call his Mum asap as she will need his support, after all it is her Mum (I'm presuming) that is dying.

As I said though, that is what I would decide with regards to my husband - only you can decide what is best for yours.

Take care.

Danthe4th · 25/07/2011 13:49

Just send him a text to ask him to call when its convienient.

missorinoco · 25/07/2011 13:49

I wouldn't call, he can't get there.

Lambskin · 25/07/2011 13:50

Is he close to her?

I think tbh I would wait. He won't be able to do anything about it and would just upset him as you say. Horrible position to be in though. Sorry

sleepindogz · 25/07/2011 13:51

i would wait

when my dad died in the night, i didnt call my brother abroad straight away, what could he do except be alone and distressed, wanting to be home. I waited a couple of hours until morning. In the scheme of things it didnt make a difference - he still had to wait a day or two to get a flight organised :(

SoupDragon · 25/07/2011 13:51

what Danthe4th said : send a text asking him to phone when it is convenient.

altinkum · 25/07/2011 13:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scarletfingernail · 25/07/2011 13:53

Tough one. But, I wouldn't call until 3.30 and in the meantime I would be looking on his behalf at flights if you think his Mum is expecting him to go to them.

TimeHasToldMe · 25/07/2011 13:53

Thanks everyone. He never switches his phone off (it's not the sort of role where it would be necessary to IYKWIM) BUT I'm tempted to call MIL and tell her that his phone is switched off and I'll call him on the dot of half three. Is that bad?

OP posts:

Loonytoonie · 25/07/2011 13:54

I think Danthe4th's suggestion to send a text, asking him to contact you, is a good suggestion - that way, since I'm assuming his phone is switched off for this interview, you won't disturb him and secondly, you can still reassure his Mum (who's probably v emotional right now) that you've tried to contact him, and are waiting for him to call you back.

MinnieBar · 25/07/2011 13:54

Agree - send a non-panicky text and call MIL back to let her know the state of play.

Horrible situation for you to be in though.

Loonytoonie · 25/07/2011 13:56

Just re-read your OP - I'd wait. Definitely. You can help by making enquiries about flights for him. Your suggestion is not bad either, if anything just to reassure your MIL that you're on the case, so to speak.

TimeHasToldMe · 25/07/2011 13:57

Good idea RE looking at flights for him right now - thanks :)

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