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NOT to call DH right now to tell him that his grandmother is dying? Quick - help!

(44 Posts)
TimeHasToldMe Mon 25-Jul-11 13:46:28

DH is on a trial shift for a fantastic new job. MIL has just called to ask if I call him right now to tell him that his Granny is on her way out (not entirely unexpected, she's 103..)

MIL didn't want to call him herself as he's told her off before for calling him at work. If it was just work I'd call him straight away, but this interview / trial is so important to him I just want to wait for a couple of hours until he's done (3.30pm)

The way I see it, there's nothing he can do right now (they're abroad) and it would only upset him. Is that my decision to make though? confused

EuphemiaMcGonagall Mon 25-Jul-11 13:47:30

What would he do if you called?

GeneralCustardsHardHat Mon 25-Jul-11 13:47:49

If he cannot get out there to be by her side then don't ring, there is little need to do so IMO. If there is a chance he can, and he wants to, then ring.

squeakytoy Mon 25-Jul-11 13:47:58

I would have thought his phone would be switched off anyway.

As you say, there is absolutely nothing that he could do, it isnt unexpected, and this interview IS important.

I would definately wait until later.

holyShmoley Mon 25-Jul-11 13:48:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Loonytoonie Mon 25-Jul-11 13:48:15

Oh God, what a dilemma. I don't know what to say, so I'm just doing this to keep this thread bumped at the top. Sorry OP. Sorry for your DH's nan too sad

SeaChelles Mon 25-Jul-11 13:48:17

I wouldn't call. I'd wait til he'd finished if it were me. But I expect other opinions would differ.

Witchofthenorth Mon 25-Jul-11 13:48:29

I think it depends on how close he is to is mil expecting him to go to her?

stealthsquiggle Mon 25-Jul-11 13:48:51

2 hours will make no difference. Call MIL and explain though or she will be in a state by the time he does ring.

Kladdkaka Mon 25-Jul-11 13:49:02

I think I'd do the same, but be looking to make arrangements to get him out there asap while I wait.

EuphemiaMcGonagall Mon 25-Jul-11 13:49:03

If he can't see her or speak to her, don't call him.

suzikettles Mon 25-Jul-11 13:49:07

I wouldn't call.

Witchofthenorth Mon 25-Jul-11 13:49:19

Actually reading that back my post sounds really insensitive.....I am ver sorry, it was not my intention blush

LilRedWG Mon 25-Jul-11 13:49:20

Personally, if they are abroad and he cannot get there I would wait, but would call him immediately he is free and let him know. That way he can call his Mum asap as she will need his support, after all it is her Mum (I'm presuming) that is dying.

As I said though, that is what I would decide with regards to my husband - only you can decide what is best for yours.

Take care.

Danthe4th Mon 25-Jul-11 13:49:29

Just send him a text to ask him to call when its convienient.

missorinoco Mon 25-Jul-11 13:49:47

I wouldn't call, he can't get there.

Lambskin Mon 25-Jul-11 13:50:59

Is he close to her?

I think tbh I would wait. He won't be able to do anything about it and would just upset him as you say. Horrible position to be in though. Sorry sad

sleepindogz Mon 25-Jul-11 13:51:51

i would wait

when my dad died in the night, i didnt call my brother abroad straight away, what could he do except be alone and distressed, wanting to be home. I waited a couple of hours until morning. In the scheme of things it didnt make a difference - he still had to wait a day or two to get a flight organised sad

SoupDragon Mon 25-Jul-11 13:51:59

what Danthe4th said : send a text asking him to phone when it is convenient.

altinkum Mon 25-Jul-11 13:53:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scarletfingernail Mon 25-Jul-11 13:53:10

Tough one. But, I wouldn't call until 3.30 and in the meantime I would be looking on his behalf at flights if you think his Mum is expecting him to go to them.

TimeHasToldMe Mon 25-Jul-11 13:53:23

Thanks everyone. He never switches his phone off (it's not the sort of role where it would be necessary to IYKWIM) BUT I'm tempted to call MIL and tell her that his phone is switched off and I'll call him on the dot of half three. Is that bad?

Loonytoonie Mon 25-Jul-11 13:54:25

I think Danthe4th's suggestion to send a text, asking him to contact you, is a good suggestion - that way, since I'm assuming his phone is switched off for this interview, you won't disturb him and secondly, you can still reassure his Mum (who's probably v emotional right now) that you've tried to contact him, and are waiting for him to call you back.

MinnieBar Mon 25-Jul-11 13:54:41

Agree - send a non-panicky text and call MIL back to let her know the state of play.

Horrible situation for you to be in though.

Loonytoonie Mon 25-Jul-11 13:56:59

Just re-read your OP - I'd wait. Definitely. You can help by making enquiries about flights for him. Your suggestion is not bad either, if anything just to reassure your MIL that you're on the case, so to speak.

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