AIBU about comments about weight

[klapaucius]

I'm about 5"7 or 5"8 and about 8 and a half stone. Do you think it is acceptable for my DP to make comments such as "I wouldn't mind if [gesturing to my thighs] there was more, but I wouldn't mind if there was less" and "at least you go as well now ;)" in regards to me saying I went to the gym and to make comments to his brother that I eat a lot. If we go out for a meal and I haven't eaten much all day (usually because I haven't had the time so just grabbed something at my desk) then I'll eat a lot in front of him, I'm not embarrassed (or at least I wasn't embarrassed) to order a burger and chips and finish off the lot when having a meal together. We can be having Chinese and I'll have an entire portion of sweet and sour chicken to myself and he'll make jokey comments and poke my stomach. He will also joke about having to hide the chocolate from me in his house and express disbelief if I have a bar to myself. At first I did think it was quite funny and would laugh myself even though at the same time was a bit but now it's actually got to the stage where it is pissing me right off to be honest and I think it's pathetic. Surely he knows that is an area pretty likely to piss off any woman? I am confident in myself and don't think I should change anything. I told my sister who thinks that it is because he goes to the gym about 3-4 days a week and always eats healthily (basically is quite obsessed with his appearance although claims he doesn't care) that he maybe thinks I don't appear to look after myself in that way. I actually do make an effort to eat healthily but sometimes overindulge, so what? I've actually used to people telling me I should eat more and I was actually trying to put on weight before I met him not "I wouldn't mind if there was less"! When I looked him in the eyes and said, be serious, what do you actually think - he reiterated what he had just said. AIBU and 'precious' or would you be pretty pissed off too? Do you have partners that comment on your weight at all and if so do you think it's right?

[cupofteaplease]

It would irritate the hell out of me, simply because at your height and weight, you can't have an ounce of spare fat on you! What a strange attitude from him.

[Flisspaps]

I think your DP is an arse, I'd suggest he's projecting insecurities about his own looks on to you.

You're actually at the lower end of the healthy weight range for your height if I remember.

[EssentialFattyAcid]

Its not right for your dp to imply you need to lose weight at 8 1/2 stone.
My dp would never comment on my weight and I have pt on a couple of stone since we first met.

[nethunsreject]

This is odd imo.

You sound slim - what's your bmi? Guessing lower end of normal, so you probably have a great figure.

I went out with a guy who did that sort of thing. It got worse. Controlling behavior, ime.

It is out of order.

[WhoAteMySnickers]

If I were you I'd be aiming to lose approximately 13 stone ASAP!

[Flisspaps]

Yes, having checked, your BMI is about 18.7 - if you ate less and exercised more, you'd put yourself in the underweight range, putting your health at risk. Perhaps you should point this out to him right before you tell him to shut up or fuck -off-

[bubblesincoffee]

Of course it's not right, and you sound like you have a lovely figure.

I don't think this is anything to do with weight. It's to do with his low self esteem being lifted slightly by denting someone elses.

He is out of order.

[Tidey]

I'm supposed to be (but sadly I'm not) about 8.5 stone and I'm 5ft 4, so on a 5ft 8 person you're probably very slim. he sounds like a frickin idiot. No offence.

[TheCrackFox]

How long have you been with this arsehole then?

[ebbandflow]

Your DP is totally out of order-I would go as far as saying that it is a form of emotional abuse.

[nethunsreject]

Your bmi is 18.11, so you are very slim!

[DorisIsAPinkDragon]

think he deserves and damn good talking too, and if things don't improve a serious think about the relationship.

You (male female) do NOT undermine your partners confidence with unsubtle comments about weight and gym attendance (particularly if they haven't got any weight issues which with you weight and height you most certainly DON'T).

He is being a twat pul;l him up on it each and EVERY time he does it. (if you were feel particularly bitchy you could start to comment about how he maybe needs to work a little hardr in certain areas (biceps maybe) as things aren't quite what they once were...maybe it's his age? oh and is he receeding a little on the top (but no that really would be unkind)

[shortround]

does he like the painfully deathly thin look then?

[foreverondiet]

From what you said your BMI is right at the lowest end of normal, and according to some charts you are underweight (ie some charts have BMI of 20 as lower end of normal). I know BMI isn't necessarily a good gauge but it sounds like you are very slim.

FWIW I weigh the same as you but am 5 4 (having just lost a lot of weight) and my family are all saying now I must not loose any more. My DH doesn't comment, other than to say I have lost enough now, but that he didn't mind either way (ie whether I was fat or slim).

I agree he is totally out of order.

[2rebecca]

You're skinny for your height, 2 stone lighter than me for the same height and my BMI is normal. Next time he goes on about your weight I'd tell him you are happy with your weight, have no desire to lose weight and has he had enough of this marriage if he isn't happy with you and wants to be with a skinny woman? I would tell him that if he is trying to drive an emotional wedge between you then his negative comments are having the desired effect as you are starting to dislike him and feel unloved.

[LaurieFairyCake]

Sorry, but this is borderline abusive - he is basically saying "even though you're as thin as a fashion model I'd like you to be less healthy".

Is he trying to control you because you are attractive? and he is threatened?

[AgentZigzag]

YANBU.

Flisspaps is right, he's an arse.

Don't let him get away with it any more.

[Chandon]

I would be if my P ever mentioned my weight or looks in any negative way, jokey or not...

[Jane054848]

I think it's possible that he thinks he can make this kind of remark BECAUSE you have such a good figure he thinks you could never be insecure about it.

Particularly since you used to laugh about it to start off with.

I agree, if you tell him nicely that you don't like it and he keeps doing it then he's being a twat, but if you haven't told him then he may think he's giving you a backhanded compliment on how you can eat loads and still stay so slim.

I don't really understand the "more/less" comment TBH. He wouldn't mind if you were thinner or if you were fatter? If that's the case then it's not that bad, although it's not particularly clever or amusing either.

[Driftwood999]

Get over your self, as others have said, your BMI is low. Attention seeking.

[2rebecca]

I didn't get the more or less comment either, just makes him sound judgy but inarticulate.

[2rebecca]

Bizarre comment driftwood. Are only fat women allowed to be unhappy when their partner makes sarky comments about their weight and eating habits?

[AgentZigzag]

You're not the DH are you Driftwood? (you attention seeker)

[kickingking]

I have experienced similar comments from DH and others (though to a much lesser degree) and the implication is that I won't mind having jokes made about what I eat, etc. because I'm thin. Apparently, if I was fat they wouldn't say it

It's still not pleasant. Tell him he is making you feel uncomfortable and you need him to stop.

[klapaucius]

Thanks A LOT guys! Really appreciate your comments! When you're used to hearing certain things over some time you begin to half doubt yourself no matter if at first you completely brushed them off (although I can only speak for myself). Hahaha ! Will be stealing that one to tell a certain someone.

thank you. yes I am and I don't like that about myself in fact sometimes I think I look awful yet never hear that I'm too skinny from him unlike from others like colleagues and my mum.
I love that your DP would never comment and that's the way it should be. he is definitely a bit controlling, he says he's "a perfectionist" and definitely has some strange behaviours. Thanks and .

I almost want to show him your comment!

Maybe, I didn't really ever consider that but he is a very jealous type and has admitted that.

I know! The first time I was a bit because my dad NEVER says (that I am aware of) anything about my mum the only things he would say would all be positive comments.

What?! I know it's low that's why I have an issue with his comments.

He is German and his English isn't that great (speaking or spelling) and I often have to spend a few minutes deciphering most of his texts. And thanks for sticking up for me irt Driftwood999's comments.