Seeing as an old thread has been revived with a similar dilemma, I thought I would start a new thread on a similar topic.
So, people have been telling me that this is doable, but I'm calculating at the moment and it's not looking good:
Travel costs (commuting from Zone 5 to Zone 1): £180
Student loan/Post-graduate loan repayment: £400
Average rent (1 bedroom flat): £700 (yes, rents in my area have shot through the roof!)
Childcare/CM for toddler DS (£48 a day for 11 hours): £1040
That's pretty much all of my salary gone, before food, utilities, household stuff for myself and DS (nappies, soap, detergent, toilet paper etc) and any unexpected extras. I already cut mine and DS's hair myself, have tried toilet-training DS but to no avail.
I keep thinking to move even further out, but then even if rent is cheaper, it means travel will cost more, and I'll need even more hours of childcare for DS. I've thought about finding another family to share a place with, but no luck on my NM local page. Plus, H has made it clear that he will fight that all the way as he is in a position to care for DS in a more stable environment.
I have no family or friends nearby that can help with childcare. 11 hours a day is a conservative estimate, the job I'm going into is likely to require much more than that on occasion (someone I know in a similar job has just done a 37hr shift from Thursday through to Friday non-stop!). Someone suggested a live-in au pair, but an au pair would not (and in fact, should not) be providing that much childcare - for that, I'd need a nanny, and the cost of a live-in nanny in London is even more expensive than what we are currently paying for a CM. Some nurseries work out cheaper than our CM, but that's because they are open a max of 10 hours a day.
If I leave this job, I'll have to repay fees to the tune of approximately £12,000, so that's not an option (I am also VERY unlikely to find another job as well paid in the short and long-term).
I can get some contribution from DS's father, but not much, especially as his costs will be about the same as mine travel, loan and mortgage-wise (for a house in negative equity). Trying to move somewhere cheaper but much further away is likely to turn what has so far been an "amicable" split (in the weakest sense of the word) into a full blown WW3! And again, I'm still faced with longer travel, more childcare etc.
Apparently, because I am in the higher tax bracket, I will not qualify for CTC or WTC. I qualify for CB, but £81.20 a month will in no way cover food for both of us for the entire month, let alone anything extra.
So, can someone please help me out and tell me just how the hell I can free myself and DS of H, short of quitting my job, trying to get housed by the council (fat chance!), then getting a lower paid job where I can then claim associated benefits?
The only other options I have are leaving DS with H full-time, which has me tearing up every bloody second! I know it makes sense money-wise and practicality-wise (H's job is not as full-on as mine, so he would be able to work around regular childcare hours), but I don't want to leave my son. We got to this point because he cheated, and it just feels like I'm being punished for something I didn't do (that may make me sound like an over-emotional teenager, but at this point, I don't care!)
Alternatively, remaining in the family home for the next 2 years with H, by which point I should be earning more than enough to make ends meet, and even with some money left over each month.
I've made an appointment to see my local CAB to see what other options are open to me, but feeling very despondent at the moment (not even taking into account the emotional turmoil I'm in as to why I find myself in this situation in the first place - see here and here).
I am more than happy to be told that I am being unreasonable but every option I think of leads to another obstacle.
So, if you have read this far:
WItBU to quit my job, divorce H, go on benefits until I can find a different job to fit around DS (not being flippant, it just seems the most straight-forward way to keep full-time residency for my DS, although it may be that I am not entitled to certain benefits if I have deliberately made myself homeless/quit my job etc)
or
WItBU to leave my DS with H in the knowledge that it will solve problems financially but means I will be giving up full-time residency of my DS and seeing him only on weekends, if that? (I can share with people and reduce my rent substantially, but it means I am unlikely to be able to have DS stay overnight unless I find people/a family that would be happy to accommodate this) I can't bear the thought of DS growing up thinking that I abandoned him!
or
WItBU to grit my teeth and try and get through the next 2 years with H in the same house, knowing that at the end, we'll be in a far better position to make things work financially when the divorce goes through?
Oh, and just in case H is reading this (yes, he's even taken to spying on me on MN! - the only reason I vent on here is because the best friend I would have vented to is the one who's betrayed me!), you are a bastard and frankly, wishing death on you would be too kind!
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
Salary of just under 40K in London for me and DS
43 replies
EsperaTaChikita · 29/06/2011 11:22
OP posts:
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.