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to be genuinely really traumatised and a mess ?

(33 Posts)
arsenicandoldlace Fri 17-Jun-11 23:02:07

DD has had two episodes where her mouth has dropped to one side as if having a stroke. agmongst other symptoms< such as dropping to the floor suddenly and without reason or warning.

she had an MRI on wednedsay but because she is only 12 months she had to be sedated< this involved force feeding her a foul tasting medicine, she screamed, she was so devestated. i had to hold her down while the nurse fed it to her, she was coughing and reaching. she kept looking at me as if to say " mummy what are you doing to me?". she fought the sedation with all her might, crying until she coulnt cry any longer.

Then, the MRI itself was awful. i didnt realise how loud they were! DD was strapped to the table and earplugs put in her ears.

She now refuses to go to sleep until she is so tired she cant stay awake any longer.

we are pretty sure its epliepsy. and, im so devestated.

fuckety fuck fuck!!!!!! DH is useless, ive got no family support, being thru some total shit this year apart from this.

I dont know how to be a good mum all of a sudden!

StealthPolarBear Fri 17-Jun-11 23:04:50

Oh you poor thing. So sorry to hear your description of the MRI. If any consolation I'm sure she has forgotten it while you are still beating yourself up over this.
When do you get results?
You are a good mum btw

PippiLongBottom Fri 17-Jun-11 23:05:24

You re the BEST mum I'm sure. No words of wisdom other that I'm thinking of you at this shite time and I'm glad they've caught it early so it is being dealt with.

StealthPolarBear Fri 17-Jun-11 23:06:24

if her sleep is bad would it help if you slept with hr? just lie & cuddle so you both get rest & comfort?

MavisEnderby Fri 17-Jun-11 23:08:38

Oh sweetie xxThe things you describe remind me of dds MRI aged 22 months.Brought it all back .You ARE a fab mum.The whole testing stuff is shite xxI can only say that once all the testing crap is over and when you get a firm diagnosis of whatever is wrong,even if it isn't the best news,it does get easier xxxAlso if it helps do try to find mums in similar positions in your locale.I have found a load of lovely people all very varied,and we support each other xxxsending many hugs xx

arsenicandoldlace Fri 17-Jun-11 23:08:41

[blubbing emoticon]

LoopyLoopsBettyBoops Fri 17-Jun-11 23:08:47

Oh, that's awful, but I bet she has forgotten it by now. Give her lots of love, that all she needs. You will both be fine. It is definitely a good thing to be diagnosed so early, well done for getting it all sorted.

Take care, and good luck. smile

MissVerinder Fri 17-Jun-11 23:09:00

Poor DD, and poor you! I hate the "what are you doing" look too; it's a right heart breaker. You can only do what you can do iykwim for her, and you are a good mum.

Just being there for her when she was having the MRI- I don't think I would have been able to do that. Hold onto your strength.

Whatever happens, you will get through it.

griphook Fri 17-Jun-11 23:09:07

your post is heart breaking. You sound like a fantastic mum though, I really sorry this is happening to your dd and you, Hope that things start to get a bit better for you

fairydoll Fri 17-Jun-11 23:09:23

When do you find out?
My friend's DDage 5 had an MRI recently and her parents prepared her for it by making her line on the carpet and switching on a drill near her head!!

Punkatheart Fri 17-Jun-11 23:09:27

That must have hurt you so much as a mother to watch. I am so sorry. Hopefully you will get some answers soon. Feel a bit useless - I am sorry that I can not do more to comfort you.

You are a great mum. Shit times do not last. Wishing you strength....

AgentZigzag Fri 17-Jun-11 23:09:39

'I dont know how to be a good mum all of a sudden!'

Please don't be questioning yourself, your whole OP says what a great mum you are.

My DD2 is 18 MO, and the thought of having to be there if they did that to her (even for the best of reasons) would traumatise me.

She didn't think you were doing it to her, she was looking at you to gain comfort and reassurance in unfamiliar surroundings.

Everything about being a mum to a baby is about making sure they're happy, so to have to see someone doing something you know they won't like is horrible.

I hope the outcome is the best one for your DD and the hospital manage to resolve whatever's going on.

sunshineandbooks Fri 17-Jun-11 23:10:08

Oh you poor thing! sad

This sounds horrible and scary. I really feel for you.

It does sound like epilepsy, but try to take comfort from the fact that most forms can be controlled very well indeed these days and people can lead normal fulfilling lives. If you get a confirmed diagnosis you might like to try this site where I'm sure you'll get lots of support.

I'm sure you're a fabulous mum and I know you must feel helpless and devastated right now, but please don't underestimate how much your simply being there will mean to your DD. She won't remember the MRI scan when she's older, so try not to worry about that and you giving her cuddles and reassurance will help her to feel safe while she goes through this.

Still horrible though and I really hope you find someone you can offload to in RL.

TheCrackFox Fri 17-Jun-11 23:10:10

<hugs>

It all sounds very traumatic for you and her. I think it would be a good idea to sleep with her tonight.

You are a great mum and are getting her the best medical attention that she needs.

Glitterknickaz Fri 17-Jun-11 23:10:19

It will be ok. The worst is over now, you just need to wait for results, she doesn't have to go through that MRI again.

Although I can't even think logically about DD's heart op in the next few weeks let alone talk about it, so you have my sympathies x

upahill Fri 17-Jun-11 23:11:16

Wishing you both well
xxxx

buxomwenchonapony Fri 17-Jun-11 23:11:53

It's fucking awful having to force your child through a medical procedure, I know. It goes against all your mothering instincts to let someone force feed them something horrible, stick needles in them, hurt them... I've been there and it's horrible. But the logical side of you knows why you're doing it, that it is to help them. You are being a good mother, if she is epileptic at least you can work to control it with a dx. You are making her life better. You do need some support though, if dh is useless (in what way?), you need to enlist another hand holder, you can only look after your dd if someone looks after you.

Sorry for what you're going through. The guilt is a bugger, but ultimately useless. Take dd somewhere special, just you two, overwhelm the bad memories with good ones for both of you. This too shall pass.

TeddyMcardle Fri 17-Jun-11 23:12:20

I really wish you both well, you sound like a fantastic mum.

BooyHoo Fri 17-Jun-11 23:12:52

oh yanbu at all. that sounds extremely upsetting for you both!! why is yoru DH useless?

UrsulaBuffay Fri 17-Jun-11 23:12:58

secret hug tell NO ONE

AgentZigzag Fri 17-Jun-11 23:13:29

X-posts with billions of posters all saying the same thing.

Just hang on in there arsenic smile

beechbabe Fri 17-Jun-11 23:13:32

arsenic I had to have an MRI for my DD1 aged 12m too but the whole thing was so awful (exactly what you described) that I snatched DD before the MR1 - she was screaming and screaming. Everyone got very cross and my reaction was: I'm taking her away from here and these horrible tubes and machines , you can all fuck off.

DD's issue was different from your DD's but just wanted to say I felt the same. It's not being a bad mum to feel desperate at having to watch a tiny DD confused and in pain. My DH was useless too. He hasn't got better.

Find something to hang on to for the moment, for your DD if not for you.

It is a really difficult time for you but you DD will recover from the MRI much faster than you. I remember having to hold my eldest when they did a lumber puncture at 7 months (he screamed the place down). I can still remember it years later but he can't.

Sometimes being a good mum means during the really really hard stuff like making sure your kids get the medical tests they need. Perhaps a big cuddle in the evenings will help you both.

beechbabe Fri 17-Jun-11 23:16:51

I thought I was going to be post#2! Lots of support arsenic!

salsmum Fri 17-Jun-11 23:17:11

I have a DD of 22 with SN and found it very difficult when she has numerous tests inc MRI scan. I used to find it very hard to get my head around the fact that I was always the 1 hugging her while a doctor was doing something awful to her...I'm spos to protect her from harm right??? Thankfully your DD will not remember in months/years to come and she certainly won't love u any less. I hope you get your diagnosis and your DD can get help. SN is a good topic to post this on too and I'm sure you'll find other MNs who are/have gone through similar. GOOD LUCK X

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