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To think I'm not over-reacting about DS's "pretend" suicide?

(55 Posts)
Lorenz Thu 16-Jun-11 16:40:19

Sorry, posted this twice. I need help.

DS2 was told on the way home from school that his elder brother, DS1 attempted to cut his wrists open today with a sharp stone after being punched and kicked by other kids.

DS1's facebook page confirms that this happened and it ended with a huge group of kids surrounding DS in a corner panicking.

I spoke to DS tonight who has no marks on him at all (so he can't have tried that hard, to put it bluntly) and he laughed and said he was just "acting like a twat like everyone else at the school".

I don't know what to do. 2 weeks ago he was pinned to the ground by 10 kids, had a cigerette stubbed out on him and permanant marker all over his face. He's called gay, ugly, freak, nerd, perv etc constantly. I have spoken to the school who bring in the other kids parents each time it happens but with this latest stunt I'm thinking this is seriously out of hand now.

DS says I am over-reacting and going "over the top" and he was only messing around but the other kids watching clearly didn't see the funny side.

What would you do? he's 12.

doodledaisy Thu 16-Jun-11 16:43:00

I think I would definately try and get some help. Sorry, not sure where to start, but there will be posters that will be able to advise better than me. It sounds like he's not really aware of the severity of the situation (not unsurprising he is very young). But he needs someone to talk to and the school and parents of the others need to take action also. What does his dad say about it all?

thisisyesterday Thu 16-Jun-11 16:45:43

posted on your other thred, but will post here too in case y0ou don't see other one.

i think you should remove him from the school and start looking for a new one.

AgentZigzag Thu 16-Jun-11 16:45:49

I wouldn't be letting him set foot in that school again lorenz!

Your poor, poor DS.

Of course you're not overreacting, he sounds as though he's struggling to contain it all.

I'm not sure what to suggest, but I wanted you to know how awful I think what's happening to your DS is.

NurseSunshine Thu 16-Jun-11 16:47:02

He had a cigarette stubbed out on him and the school has done nothing?? Did you not call the police?

Jesus christ, how could you over react in this situation?

LooloosMummy Thu 16-Jun-11 16:48:46

i'd be moving him to another school to be honest, that is rediculous bulling and no one can cope with that. what horrid, horrid children to be doing things like that to someone else.
you are not over reacting at all. why is no one doing anything to help your poor son, getting the parents in seems to be doing nothing what so ever, they're not being punished if it is continuing to happen.
if you don't sort something out quickly to help your DS i'd hate to think that i woould be reading on here in months to come that he has succeeded in taking his life, some young kids have taken their life for just name calling, let alone the kicking and punching and everything. i would be moving incredibly swiftly indeed. get him away from those bullys now!

I'd be concerned, too. Poor DS. Did the school know about this incident? Did they do anything?

zeolite Thu 16-Jun-11 16:49:24

Is he seeing the school counsellor for his bullying (below)?
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/secondary/1234197-Bullying-what-can-be-done-realistically
S/he can support him with this, too, assuming that he is being supported and you're happy for him to remain at the school now.

MrsTwinks Thu 16-Jun-11 16:49:43

based on my own experience of being on AD's a few years older than your DS for the same reasons, he feels stupid having done it with hindsight, but at the time he meant it on some level, cos his reaction sounds eeriely familiar.

Don't push it with him, it will compound it if he feels like a prat about it all by himself, but do remove him from that enviroment as soon as you can.

Georgimama Thu 16-Jun-11 16:49:59

I would involve the police myself if it were my child being burned with cigarettes and the school was failing to address it. That's ABH.

I would contact your GP and seek a referral to CAMHS for DS. Children don't act out pretend suicides for a laugh. Was this actually something he was being forced to do by the others? It sounds horrific.

GeekCool Thu 16-Jun-11 16:50:38

I have no practical advice as never dealt with schools yet (as a parent). Your poor Ds though and NO you are not over reacting in any way.
I hope someone has good advice for you.

Bluemoonrising Thu 16-Jun-11 16:51:50

I would not let him go back to that school. I'd be removing him now, and telling the education authority and the governers (if applicable) exactly why.

fastweb Thu 16-Jun-11 16:51:58

I think he may have just made a cry for help, and given the situation it might be worth hearing it as that and treating it as more than messing around to be on the safe side.

Any luck with the school dealing with the bullying, or are you hitting a wall ?

I'm not that up on how things work at UK schools, but would a registered letter to the head (cc to the next level of authority, also by registered mail) outlining the bullying and his subsequent reaction put the wind up them and maybe get the cogs moving more quickly into shutting down the behaviors that are causing him distress ?

MrSpoc Thu 16-Jun-11 16:52:14

Op sorry its sounds bad. Now please do not take this the wrong way but does your son need a make over? I mean does he draw attention to himself i.e big glasses, weird dress style or anything along these lines? If so can you take him for a new hair cut, shoes, glasses etc and then may be move him to a new school?

This may sound OTT and you should not have to do it but it may help.

BluddyMoFo Thu 16-Jun-11 16:54:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bubblecoral Thu 16-Jun-11 16:55:09

If at 12 your son has even began to think that he could harm himself with a stone, then you are getting into serious territory that needs to be seriously dealt with ASAP. He may not have tried that hard, but that's really not the point. He has thought about it. And that pretty much means that he is either disliking himself intensely, or he wants the pain he is feeling on the inside to show on the outside, or he wants to feel the pain of cutting himself because it's easier to deal with than his other hurt. Whichever it is, you need to find out and resolve it, and do something to help him with his self esteem.

12yo's do not think about cutting themselves with stones for no reason.

He may be backtracking now because he is 12, and scared of the consequenses of what he has started. He may be embarrased. He may be unable to verbalise how he feels because he may not be able to identify to himself what he feels.

Self harm is very common among teenagers, and this is how it starts. You need to do everything you can to stop this going any further.

I think moving schools is a very realistic option, but I would also research some of the anti bullying organisations and get advice from them.

Icelollycraving Thu 16-Jun-11 16:56:24

Your poor ds sad
I think I would be removing him from school,the bullying seems to be ongoing & clearly them calling in parents has done nothing to prevent this happening. His attempts at cutting his wrists are very worrying for all of you even if there are no physical signs of it,it is a very clear cry for help from yhe people around him. His brother is also becoming upset. I don't know what the protocol is in these situations but the school must have policies,pastoral care etc & being burnt whilst at school is beyond unacceptable. I think you need to be much more assertive with the head as their actions have not achieved anything for your son as yet & they must take duty of care.

buzzsore Thu 16-Jun-11 16:58:22

Seriously out of hand is right. You need to get your son help, possibly change schools and go mental at his present headteacher.

zeolite Thu 16-Jun-11 17:03:38

OP have you been able to get more support from the school and DS's GP/CAMHS, since you discovered this, last week?

AlpinePony Thu 16-Jun-11 17:52:11

What would I do? I'd turn off his alarm clock tonight, let him lie in tomorrow and frantically call other schools. I'd never send him back. sad

Good luck!

PaulaMummyKnowsBest Thu 16-Jun-11 18:01:10

please take this serious. He is being bullied and the school are doing nothing about it.

The school that my DD goes to recently "lost" (suicide) a 13 year old boy due to bullying on facebook.

It is shocking how depressed our youngsters can get

Lorenz Thu 16-Jun-11 18:19:09

Last year, a 13 year old girl was found hung in her bedroom. She had been bullied continuously since she started school. The same school DS is at now.

The kid with the cigerette was expelled, the others with the marker pen etc were put into isolation and parents called in. DS insists nothing has happened since but why would he do this TODAY if nothing had happened?

I have just read a message from a concerned girl on facebook - ironically a girl who has been a complete bitch to him since he started this school. She asked him why everyone was crowding him today with a x on the end. Someone is feeling guilty I think!

I'll let him stay off tomorow and get an appointment with the school. How do I go about getting in touch with cahms?

BupcakesandCunting Thu 16-Jun-11 18:20:41

I would NEVER let him back in that school. Never. I would rather home school my son than let him have to face that kind of crap. I would also be on to the police faster than you could say anti-bullying policy my arse.

Your poor son. This kind of thing really boils my piss. I hope you get the help you need.

Lorenz Thu 16-Jun-11 18:21:21

And yes he does attract bullying. He has long hair, thick glasses, talks with an odd accent and is very clever. He practically has NERD written across his forehead. So it's fine moving him to another school but a little naive to think the bullying won't continue when he moves.

I think he shows some signs of aspergers. He is also very angry at his father which doesn't help.

thisisyesterday Thu 16-Jun-11 18:25:45

That shouldn't matter. he shouldn't have to look a certain way in order to not get beaten up and verbally abused sad

you need to get him out of there, and there is no real reason to think that a different school, with a different set of kids and (hopefully) a better approach to dealing with bullies will end up the same as this one has.

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