To not understand why people don't let their children sleep at grandparents

[Thefoxsbrush]

Both sets of Grandparents love having my children over for the night and the generally sleep over once a month.

This gives myself and husband a chance to go out (and have a lie in) and my children have some lovely quality time with their grandparents.

What I dont understand is one of my friends who refuses to let her child be looked after by anyone else other than herself. She never gets a break, although grandparents would be very willing to give her one!

My friend actively disapproves of my behaviour, is she being unreasonable??

[ballstoit]

YANBU to let your DC stay at grandparents.
YABU to judge your friends decisions (as is she, for judging yours). Sh makes her choices, you make yours. You have no idea what has lead her to make the decision, and she doesn't have to explain it to you. The same vice versa (tell your friend Balls says it's fine )

[Thefoxsbrush]

good point! I am being judgemental just like she is :-/ guess we need to agree to disagree on this one x

[thighslapper]

No
But

1. (ILS) they never ever offer....show no interst in my ds, their only grandchild
   
   
2. They have a dog, that stinks and barks and covers everything in hair.
   
   3)They lie in every morning till gone 10am, ds is up with the larks, this i imagine is inconvenient to them.
   
   My parents are divorced, my mother is unwell, but has my neice to sleep at hers 5 nights a week, takes her to school, picks her up from school and also takes my other sisters son to and from school every day, i would never ask her to take ds as well.
   What im saing is that people have their reasons, you are very lucky to have the support that you do.

[MissVerinder]

Ha ha. I wish I could do that. First try at a sleepover, MIL let her stay up 'till 10 and fed her sweets all evening; then she wonders why she won't go to bed! Cue 11pm pick-up...

YANBU for taking advantage of some "grown-up" time, she INBU for not agreeing with it, but SIBU for "actively disapproving."

She might be quite jealous; I know I am!

[thighslapper]

Ds has also been a very difficult child, so i percieve that none of them could cope with him.

[hiddenhome]

My MIL is 84 and has unstable angina.

It would be cruel to inflict the boisterous dcs on her, although she has offered so that me and dh can have an evening out.

[coocoocachoo]

Horses for courses...sounds like YA both BU to judge the other. I'm with you - looking forward to the goodwill of GPs!

[pumpernickel10]

DD stays at my dads but she won't stay at DH parents for her own reasons

[vmcd28]

Wtf? I wish my parents offered to take mine overnight!

[Tortoise]

I wish my DC could sleep at grandparents. Unfortunately my parents live in Turkey and xps parents have nothing to do with DDs.

[Thefoxsbrush]

Yes I know I am very, very lucky. My friends parents live around the corner from her, this is their first and so far only grandchild that they are very excited about (to the extent that they both took early retirement to spend more time as a family and help out) yet she refuses their help - I know she'll have her reasons but I personally dont understand them xx

[microserf]

depends on the grandparents really, doesn't it? they aren't all lovely doting GP types.

seriously though, your friend sounds a little ott and she is being v unreasonable to judge you for this choice. blah blah it takes a village to raise a child blah - it really does help to have some help from time to time. and it's precious time for your children as sadly grandparents aren't around for ever.

[WhipMeIndiana]

yeah energy of dc's would finish grandparents off. wouldnt foist them. they do enough childcare for my siblings

[iEmbarassedMyself]

You're both being U, none of your business what she chooses to do, and it's none of her business what you choose to do.
Unless the DC are being harmed in some way from this GP issue.

[nethunsreject]

Yep, different strokes.

My DM smokes (in bed) and I would be too worried about her falling asleep with a lit fag. Plus she is 71 and my 2 are very young and mental. The ILs had ds1 a few nights, but find it a bit much - fair enough.

[squeakytoy]

If there is no good reason for it, then you are not being unreasonable.

I remember staying at my paternal grandparents many times when I was little. Mum worked, and in the school hols I would go to stay with them in Blackpool. I can still remember the days out that they took me on, the dreadful cakes my grandma made for me, the neighbours in their avenue that I made friends with.... brilliant memories, more so because my Grandad died when I was 9 so at least I had the chance to know him despite them living 40 miles away.

They both smoked like chimneys, had a mangy old dog who I loved, swore like troopers, but I loved them to bits and none of their "faults" caused me any harm, just happy memories.

[bluebobbin]

I left DS with my mum once overnight whilst I was in hospital. I have never left DD with her overnight. My mum is extremely capable, but she gets tired and she would be knackered for a week if she had to get up to them in the night (they are 5 and 3, they might sleep through, they might want a drink or wee in the night or call out in their sleep and wake my mum up). I wouldn't send them to my PILs as they are in their 70s and really like to see the kids for short burst but I think it would be way too much for them, FIL has had a stroke and I think it would be a terrible imposition on them. Would never leave kids with my dad beacuse he would most likely beat them for something very minor. Would add that he is very willing to take them. In fact when DS (aged 15 months) wouldn't sleep, he offered to take him for a week and said that he would sort him out and send him back a different child , yes an abused one. There can be all sorts of reasons why people are uncomfortable with grandparents having DCs overnight. If not, fine, great, enjoy, but take the judgy pants off!

[squeakytoy]

I should also add they were well into their 70's and I was an energetic child, but they still coped with me.

[darleneoconnor]

she sounds like a nightmare parent who is doing her Dcs no favours in the long run

[Thefoxsbrush]

They all went on holiday together recently and she wouldnt leave her child (he's 2 years old) with them then......instead they all went 'clubbing' until 2am on the main strip?? 2 yo slept in a buggy and wasnt bothered by loud noise.

When I go on holiday with my parents - we generally all stay as a family around local family-friendly bars/hotel entertainment and my parents watch the children for one night of the holiday while we have a nice meal or something (not staying out late - just a few hours)

I dont understand why they didnt do this??

[pranma]

I am a grandma who loves her dgc and my dd would certainly let them sleepover.I am not keen because dgs2 still wakes at 5am!I'm just not up to playing tractors in my nightie at that hour.I've said I'll have them when they can be guaranteed to sleep till 7 :)

[ceebeegeebies]

I guess it is none of your business but if she is ever going to need him to stay there, probably better to start getting him used to it now.

My DS's have not stayed at my parents because they live 90 minutes away so it is not worth the drive over and then drive back etc just for a night to ourselves.

However, now DS1 is at school, we need my parents to have DS1 for a few days so he is going to have to stay there. It is now only a matter of weeks away and I am dreading it and am not sure how DS1 will take to it - obviously if he had stayed there before, it wouldn't be such a big deal.

[r0zebud]

I guess it depends on your attitude to your social life! DH and I both enjoy going out with friends still, maybe not getting as pissed to the extent we used to, but its important to us both. We couldn't and wouldn't do this if it weren't for both sets of grandparents, they are total legends! I also couldn't have recently completed my MSc without them. DS has a fantastic relationship already with both sets of grandparents, which I was never fortunate enough to have. I think the sleepovers and things are all an extension of this special relationship.

I love the saying "it takes a village to raise a child" and truly believe in the sentiment behind this saying. I have relatives that close off their kids from the rest of the family, as they seem to hold the belief only they can look after them properly as their child is soooo difficult,but its just hurtful to be kept at arms length in such a way. Different people in a childs life have different lessons to teach, and its important that these are passed on.

HOORAY FOR GRANNIES! (and aunties and uncles too!)

I'm sure in time your friend's attitude will change, are the kids older or are they still quite young? In my experience, people's attitudes seem to change as the child gets older and they want bit of time to themself...