to privately suspect DS is gay?

[justoncethen]

I wouldn't ever share this with anyone irl (apart from DH and v v close friends), and never with DS but I have always suspected that he is gay.

He is only 9 and shows no interest in anyone in 'that' way (and is bemused by his classmates' obsession with 'boobies' and 'fancying'), and I've just had this sense since day one, almost, so it's not a new thing.

He's not camp or anything like this, I have no 'reason' to hang my hat on other than this feeling, and I have literally felt like this since he was in utero pretty much. Don't connect it with sex at all - I don't think about it like that really.

It is absolutely NOT A BIG DEAL and I tell all the DCs that men and women can love men or women and that gay couples can have kids - we know a couple who are having twins via donor sperm so it's come up anyway. I don't really mind, I'm just wondering if anyone else has had these feelings (or has them), about their DC - and if they turned out to be correct?

[backwardpossom]

[squeakytoy]

I think with some children their sexuality is very clear from an early age.

My mums best friends son was obviously gay from being a toddler. He is now one of the best known gay actors on mainstream tv in the UK too.

[JaneFonda]

My friend's son recently came out aged 19, although she told him that it wasn't necessary for him to come out anyway!

When he was younger, he did act very 'camp', but he was never treated any differently, and his siblings were always very protective of him.

So now, YANBU to wonder about it, but you sound like a lovely mum who would definitely support him if he did turn out to be gay. :)

[MumblingRagDoll]

My Mum was convinced my bro was gay...he turned out the straightest man ever...she also constntly thought I was pregnant.

[vintageteacups]

I asked my ds (6) why he liked to collect stones (he has hundreds from whereever he goes- collects them every day from paths/drvieways/school playground etc) and his reply was:

"because they're pretty mummy".

I did kind of think then that he's very caring and girlie in some of the things he says but then oher times, he'll show me dinosaur pictures of heads being bitten off and love the gore......so I'm not sure.

[HalfTermHero]

No experience of it here but if you do really think that ds might be gay then I would think you should keep reinforcing the message that 'bi, gay, straight, that's just great'. Let him see that you are equally supportive of all lifestyles and it will make it far easier for him to be whoever he wants to be. Of course all parents should do this anyway; encouraging inclusion and demonising prejudice and discrimination will assist any child to become a well rounded and happy individual.

[animula]

Not about mine, but about friends' children, and have been right sometimes, and still waiting in others.

with regard to my own I just really, really want them to have happy relationships, with decent people. I think I don't think much beyond that, to be honest. Partly because when I think about all the really awful things that can happen in relationships, I end up having to do something to distract myself ...

[ApocalypseCheeseToastie]

Meh, it doesn't really matter either way.

[manicinsomniac]

I think you can sometimes tell. I have taught 3 children who are so amazingly camp that I would be astounded if they don't turn out to be gay.

[greencolorpack]

I think it's best to have no expectations - don't take it for granted that your son will have a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Let it be a lovely surprise when they bring significant other home.

[justoncethen]

I'm 100% not bothered (beyond knowing that gay children/teens have it harder as they discover their sexuality).

He's not any kind of stereotype, there's literally nothing anyone would go 'ahhh' at. Loves Dr Who, monsters, gore. Am pretty sure his indifference to 'boobies' is a hormonal thing (and maybe because I flop around naked at home fairly often!)

But since I was pregnant I've thought he was gay. Though I 'just knew' I was pregnant almost the second I concieved and had an 'image' of a blonde boy in glasses (DS is brunette and no glasses yet!), so perhaps I just have oddly strong and not necessarily correct instincts!

[UrsulaBuffay]

It doesn't matter does it? Let him grow up, he's only a child.

[madhattershouse]

Agree with cheese does not really matter as long as you love them! At my dc's school we have a range of "parents" - 1 reportedly by turkey baster. We also have a straight guy who looks just like Gok Wan! Variety is the spice of life!

[teenidentity]

What BTP said

[justoncethen]

We have the message at home that it doesn't matter. All the DCs know about transsexualism (DS2 asked if he'd always be a boy so we had that talk), that it's fine to love whoever you love, we've been to gay weddings and - although I've not talked about it explicitly - I've had girlfriends in the past who are still in our lives. One of their godmothers is a lesbian etc etc.

Whatever their sexuality I want the DCs growing up knowing that it's all fine and acceptable so I think I'd be doing it anyway. Was very proud when DS2 argued with bigot BIL who said that gay marriages "weren't the same", as hetero ones.

It doesn't matter if DS1 is gay or not, but it's strange to have such a strong feeling (have no such feeling about the other DCs), and I'm not sure if it's instinct or just... randomness.

[Yukana]

It's good that you are teaching your DC that homosexuality is acceptable and happens in everyday life. :)

My mother had a feeling that I liked women around the age of eleven and asked me about it, I denied it at the time but looking back on it I guess it really was sort of obvious. Later on (mid-teens) I gave it more thought and lo' and behold, I figured out I did actually like both women and men.

In the end when they grow up they'll figure it out, and hopefully be able to accept that part of themselves.

[UrsulaBuffay]

Well you'll just have to wait and find out, I have a feeling DD will be tall & thin like her Dad but she might turn into a short fat arse like me - can't tell!

[madhattershouse]

Parents insticts for many things are correct...but I think sexuality is a little more complex, especially if there are no obvious signs. Some boys are just not as obviously testosterone fuelled..wait till puberty bet you'll figure it out then!

[worraliberty]

I was with you all the way until you said you had a feeling when you were pregnant?!?

Anyway...yes, some children's sexuality can be very obvious from an early age.

Then again, they grow up and have new interests..meet new people and can sometimes be totally different to how you thought they would be if that makes sense.

[justoncethen]

Oh I don't really care either way, I am just curious to know whether anyone else has had these feelings. As for getting the feeling while pregnant, a friend suggested it was a hormonal thing. Who knows though - there's enough to stress about as they grow up without worrying about sexuality, hey?

[justoncethen]

It's vvvvvvvvvvvv important to DH and I that all the DCs know that we love and accept them however they are.

[GooGooGadget]

There are people that I went to school with who were kind of forced to 'come out' as straight cause people made assumptions about them.

you can have your thoughts, but keep them in as much as you can and let him decide his own life without your assumptions

I'm aware as I type that everyone assumes a whole ton of crap about their kids.

[HellAtWork]

I do not have any experience of this personally but two things occur to me:

(1) My aunt constantly said my cousin was gay, I think, like you, it was nothing but a feeling about her son - but it took him until he was almost 40 to come out. I've always felt like it took him a long time to do it because all his mother was going to say was I told you so! I know you are not doing (or planning on doing) what my aunt did (and it's enough your DS is getting good positive messages about whatever sexuality no matter if he's straight/bi/gay etc for him to know you will be not be fazed) but......(which leads me to no 2)

(2) In my 20s a chap on the periphery of my group of friends came out. He had always been very camp in his mannerisms, was a big fan of Steps and the Spice Girls, and everyone had gossiped and decided he was gay. And I felt very bad for him - really because he had worried himself silly about making this announcement about something very private and personal to him and something I felt he had struggled with accepting himself, only for the announcement to be a bit of a damp squib and for him to find out his sexual orientation had been the subject of gossip for a while. It's not that I think people should have pretended to be surprised if they weren't - more that he found out that everyone had already decided he was gay, while he was trying to work it out for himself.

Not sure what either of those tedious anecdotes mean for you - they just popped into my head as soon as I read your OP!