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AIBU?

To think if you give someone something what they do with it 3 years later is up to them

38 replies

ILoveyouMum · 06/06/2011 21:48

My ex partner thought it was a good idea 3 years ago to get my ds a lizard as he kept going on about wanting one, He got it off of preloved with a basic vivarium, I didn't know about it till he turned up with it,

Of course my ds 12 at the time was delighted, paid it lots of attention and got it out all the time, My nieces bf had one in the past and said he had a viv his dad wanted rid of and my ds could have it, so they all went to collect it, lights didnt work as it had been in their shed for ages but my ex got it all sorted with bits from the one we already had, the new one was better and we were very gratefull, We gave the origanal viv away on freecycle cos had no room to store it,

Forward on 3 years, Ds has lost interest in poor lizard, I feed him most days(when ds forgets) and switch his lights and heater on, Finally convinced ds that he needs to move on to someone that will take proper care of him, done lots of research online about selling him on and have more options if selling with viv, lights, heater etc, but now nieces bf has decided that if we sell him then he wants the viv back as he may get another lizard in the future,

aibu in thinking that after giving it to ds 3 years ago that this unfair?

OP posts:

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Grabaspoon · 06/06/2011 21:51

Agree it's yours but I think that as you're getting rid of it you should offer first right of refusal to neices BF.

Does anyone rememeber the fur coat that a friend wanted back after 15 years - I wonder what happened to the OP

SarahScot · 06/06/2011 21:52

YABU. Why should you make a profit from his generosity?

Thingumy · 06/06/2011 21:52

surely if someone is a experience lizard keeper ,they will buy a lizard without a vivarium as they will have the equipment?

Don't see the big problem tbh.

You just sell the lizard without the tank and the bf gets the tank back.

ILoveyouMum · 06/06/2011 21:57

Lol i do remember that thread as been a lurker on here for a long time,

He doesn't want the lizard, My niece made him get rid of the ones he had before as they kept her awake at night, he just wants the viv in case he ever gets one in the future,

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Thingumy · 06/06/2011 22:00

you want to sell the lizard so you sell without the tank.

As I said, experienced lizard keepers will have the equpiment won't they so won't mind that the lizard doesn't come with all the bits and pieces.

What the bf does with the tank isn't your concern.

ILoveyouMum · 06/06/2011 22:06

I do not see it as making a profit from his generosity as we had to replace the lights and heater, he gave it to my ds as he had no need for it anymore and his dad wanted rid,

selling the lizard with the viv wouldnt make much more money, maybe £20 but much better chance of selling him with all the stuff that goes with him.

We have done lots of research online, on preloved and other sites and most people want the whole set up,

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ILoveyouMum · 06/06/2011 22:28

After the last 5 min with my son I cannot be arsed anymore anyway, I think I may leave and take the lizard with me,

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Thingumy · 06/06/2011 22:29

is it just about the money?

I thought you just wanted rid of the lizard and it to go to a good home?

troisgarcons · 06/06/2011 22:31

Was it a gift? very rude to ask for gifts back.

bit sad tho' your son doesnt have any longevity of feelings fora pet.

FabbyChic · 06/06/2011 22:32

The heat pad has to be on all the time with a lizard, mine died when the power socket became fucked! Poor lizard.

Mollydoggerson · 06/06/2011 22:33

How about getting rid and giving the money to sil's boyfriend (orig owner of the viv).

ivykaty44 · 06/06/2011 22:33

Give the coat back and stuff the lizard in the pocket - its a job done and game over

AgentZigzag · 06/06/2011 22:40

The coatgate thread is my favorite one, turns out it wasn't the original anyway

I would say that if the bf didn't say he wanted it back when he gave it to you, it's yours to do what you want with.

If he's that bothered sling a few coins his way and tell him not to be such a skinflint.

MangoTango · 06/06/2011 22:52

I think the bf is annoyed as he feels that you are going to make money by selling something he gave to you for free. There may be a misunderstanding and he may feel that he lent the viv to you not gave it to you. This happened to me once. I lent someone all of my dd's baby toys from her first year, but had planned to get them back once her dd had outgrown them to use for a next child. She then sold the toys on ebay so when I had another dd I had to buy more toys.

ILoveyouMum · 06/06/2011 22:54

the way i feel right now i would rather get rid of my son than the lizard, ive been trying to help him but it just all get thrown back at me,

It seems that I am not allowed to try to help to sell it/him anything that i have have bought for the viv goes back to nieces bf with the viviarium, if no one wants the poor lizard on its own then we have to keep him and I just have to keep coughing up for food and electric,

He has put him back on preloved but no interest without the viv, I've advertised locally on rehome sites but they dont wanna know and he has told me to but out, seriously if he carries on i will be renoming him not the fucking lizard.

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AgentZigzag · 06/06/2011 23:01

What's your DS up to OP?

Sounds like he's giving you some hassle.

MangoTango · 06/06/2011 23:05

I can see your dilemma. Why not suggest to the bf that as the lizard cannot live or be sold without the viv that he either has the viv back complete with lizard or that he allows you to sell the whole lot and that he gets half of the profit. Or alternatively, since it is your ex who bought the lizard originally without warning you, why not take the whole lot over to him and get him to take care of it and deal with the bf.

ILoveyouMum · 06/06/2011 23:11

He isn't mine to just give away, if he was I would have done that ages ago.

Ive handled him a few times do not feel confortable or confident with him

I feel sorry for him, he needs someone who will take him out of the viv daily, my ds did for the first year but lost interest, we didnt ask my ex to get him, my ds had said that he would like one a few times and ex took it upon himself to get it, he never lived here or paid anything towards the bills, he never discussed with me if i could afford the extra electricity for the lighting and heating,

My son doesn't want him, but we cannot pass him on with out all the stuff he needs,

As for my dn bf yeah i'd willing give him the extra £20 we may get if we sell everything but that wouldn't be enough for him.

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ILoveyouMum · 06/06/2011 23:35

I wish I could take it all to the ex but cannot do that, he isn't the kids dad or anything, was only with him for a couple of years,

I would glady get rid of it all for nothing, it will save me money in the long run but my ds wants something for the poor lizard, I don't know what to do.

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QuintessentialOldMoo · 06/06/2011 23:40

Your son wants something for the poor lizard?

How about your son start paying for food and electrics for the lizard, and pay you as a lizard keeper instead?

defineme · 06/06/2011 23:46

YABU, legally they have no grounds, morally you are wrong so wrong-set a good example and give it back.

ILoveyouMum · 06/06/2011 23:54

Thats sounds great but the only money he gets is from me so I would be paying myself,

Tbh its not about the money, Yeah I cannot really afford him but we have managed for this long, I just think he deserves to go to someone who will pay him more attention, If I tell ds then he will get him out for 10 minutes but it doesnt last.

I'm sick of arguing about this and a million other things,

I do want the lizard to go as it will one less thing to fight about but unless I buy another viv looks like we are stuck with him, I just feel that my nieces bf is being a bit unfair as he knows we will have trouble rehoming him without the viv as he is a sudan plated lizard so cannot go in with your everyday gheckos or bearded dragons, he needs his own viv.

He gave the viv to my son cos his dad wanted rid and now wants it back when and if the lizard goes which we cant do without the viv.

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ILoveyouMum · 07/06/2011 00:06

defineme so if someone gave you something that they were gonna get rid of years ago then suddenly decided they wanted it back you would just hand it over?

This is a grown man giving something to a child.

So from now on if ever I am given anything I should hold onto it forever cos one day they might want it back and morally I should do that.

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Mollydoggerson · 07/06/2011 00:09

Why not give the lizard and cage/viv to your ex-partner and let him sort it out. He bought the lizard didn't he?

ILoveyouMum · 07/06/2011 00:12

I have no contact with him now

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