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To think my HR woman is a stupid insensitive cow?

(50 Posts)
Ladyofthehousespeaking Tue 04-Jan-11 16:35:22

Unfortunatley I found out on thursday that I am having a miscarriage, I had to rush out of work because I started bleeding and went straight to my antenatal unit.

Things have obviously been very very difficult so I managed to phone this afternoon (haven't been able to get out of bed with pain/ sobbing) and let HR lady know what was going on, they don't allow partner to phone unless you are in hospital..

So I spoke to her saying I'm not sure how long it will take for me to come back in, to which she replied
'oh. Well. that's actually a bit inconvienient. Are you sure you can't just pop in?'


do you know what? it's actually a bit inconvienient for me to be losing my baby. I can't fucking pop in because I am in alot of pain and I'm fucking bleeding.

I think she's a stupid insensitive cow with shit for brains who couldn't be tactful if her life depended on it

charliesmommy Tue 04-Jan-11 16:37:16

very insensitive, and I would have a word with your manager, or her superior

mutznutz Tue 04-Jan-11 16:37:48

I agree she is an insensitive cow. I'm so sorry for your loss.

The only thing I would queary is why you let it go five days without telling them what happened...I mean couldn't you have rang from your bed when you felt up to talking?

Pinkjenny Tue 04-Jan-11 16:38:08

YANBU. And I am a HR woman.

Notalone Tue 04-Jan-11 16:38:54

I am so sorry you have lost your baby and and shock at this stupid stupid woman. When you are feeling more up to it put in a complaint if you are strong enough. I used to work for a major bank and a woman there had breast cancer. After going through grueling chemo an HR person called and told her if she had one more absence she would lose her bonus and face disciplinary action. Truly disgusting. Try to forget about this for now if you can but once you are up and about I would definitely say something

NadiaWadia Tue 04-Jan-11 16:39:06

YANBU. Stupid cow. Does she actually know what a miscarriage is?

What did you say to her?

bonnymiffy Tue 04-Jan-11 16:39:19

YANBU. I would seriously consider putting in a complaint about her, that is WAY out of order.
I'm so sorry to hear of your miscarriage, I hope that you have plenty of friends and family who can support you through this awful time, and there are support boards on here as well.

Ladyofthehousespeaking Tue 04-Jan-11 16:39:41

HR were closed Friday-Monday so it was the earliest I could speak to Them. sad

mutznutz Tue 04-Jan-11 16:41:00

Oh of course, I was forgetting about the holiday sad

I really would complain if I were you

Ladyofthehousespeaking Tue 04-Jan-11 16:41:17

I just said 'there's not much I can do about that' and hung up- I wish I'd been brave enough to say what I was really thinking tbh

AbsofCroissant Tue 04-Jan-11 16:41:24

Wow. That woman is a moron and I would look into making a formal complaint to her line manager. Maybe some sensitivity training is required.

charliesmommy Tue 04-Jan-11 16:41:51

Saying they "dont allow partner to phone" is also a bit shite.. and individual circumstances should be taken into account.

Unless you actually work in the HR department, shouldnt it be your own line manager who you speak to, who will pass absence details over to the HR/Payroll dept.

Its been a couple of years since I was a HR and Payroll manager, but I would have not been happy if one of my staff had spoken to you in that way.

Caboodle Tue 04-Jan-11 16:58:39

What a cow, complain when you feel up to it. I'm so sorry to hear you have lost your baby.

christmaswishes Tue 04-Jan-11 17:01:59

Yep she is very insensitive - hope it doesn't happen to her . Xx

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo Tue 04-Jan-11 17:01:59

YANBU. i am so sorry for your loss an dthat you have been treated like this. pleas complain about her. she shlould surely know when a bit of tact is needed.

humanoctopus Tue 04-Jan-11 17:04:11

I am so sorry that you are losing your baby.

I have been there, and it can be so heartbreaking, incredibly painful and so devastating.

This HR arse just probably doesn't know what she is dealing with.

Try not to focus your emotions on her.

You'll need your energy for you.

Take care.

diddl Tue 04-Jan-11 17:05:36

Oh that is bloody awful.

You should complain imo.

And what crap about partner not phoning-surely they can´t enforce that?

gordyslovesheep Tue 04-Jan-11 17:06:44

I am sorry and you ANBU at all x

My line manager reported me to occupational health for 'menstral problems' after I had 3 mc's in 6mths x

Adversecamber Tue 04-Jan-11 17:10:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChickensAreFlyingUnderTheRadar Tue 04-Jan-11 17:11:50

YANBU. Take care and when you feel able, make a complaint.

nickelbabyjesus Tue 04-Jan-11 17:12:49

i think that enforcing your partner not to be allowed to phone is crap too - so if you've lost your voice, you still have to phone yourself?
it's appalling - especially when you've been so distressed that talking about it would make it worse, they should have allowances for that.

I want karma to bite your HR woman on the arse.

angry for you.

aPixieInMyCaramelLatte Tue 04-Jan-11 17:45:29

I'm very sorry for your loss.

YANBU she was a insensitive cow and I agree to making a complaint.

Take care.

storminabuttercup Tue 04-Jan-11 17:51:44

I am so sorry for your loss

HR lady is a complete idiot.

when you feel up to it you should complain.

take care

theevildead2 Tue 04-Jan-11 17:54:24

I'm so sorry

Did she actually get why you were calling in? Had you had already told her why you were not in work, or were you in the process of saying you wouldn't be in

If she knew, I really think you should complain, and while you are still really pissed off.

I was bleeding and cramping and the nurse told me "if it makes you feel any better there isn't anything you can do if you are, so you might as well not worry about it!". hmm

Some people are just twats

theevildead2 Tue 04-Jan-11 17:56:04

"if it makes you feel any better there isn't anything you can do if you are miscarrying, so you might as well not worry about it!".

that should say

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