to be very worried about my brother

[laserel]

Have namechanged
My brothers girlfriend pushed him down the stairs yesterday dislocating his left shoulder and breaking his right arm. He says that she temporarily lost control and that she's apoligised and feels terrible. I feel pretty worried as I think there's a big difference between a temporary loss of control and shoving someone down the stairs. I'll admit I've never really liked her as she has said a couple of fairly nasty things about him in front of me before but now I'm very concerned.

[huddspur]

YABU with his two arms out of commission he's helpless and at her mercy. You don't just push someone down some stairs in a loss of control. Could he be in an abusive relationship?

[politac]

If it were me, he would not be staying with her. He will be totally dependent on her for everything I don't think that you can trust her considering what she's done to him.

GET HIM AWAY FROM HER

[nigglewiggle]

YANBU. Are the police involved?

[laserel]

No the police aren't involved and they're still living together.

[odisco]

This is domestic abuse. Do I need to repeat that? If she feels so terrible they both need to get help.

[hobbgoblin]

Do you think you should speak to her or will that make it worse for him? I'm guessing in classic abuse situations it would so the answer is probably yes.

You can only ever offer a safe haven though can't you? I know it is so awful for loved ones to watch on powerless. Even worse that his pride/sense of masculinity will be a big barrier.

[Littlefish]

I agree, this should be reported to the police as a domestic violence incident. If a woman came onto mumsnet saying that her partner had pushed her down the stairs and inflicted these injuries, the women's aid number, and instructions to go to the police, would be all over the thread.

This is much more than a "temporary loss of control".

[huddspur]

Just realised I wrote YABU when obviously I meant YADNBU. I definitely agree with others on the thread regarding calling the police, this is very serious.

[laserel]

Can I call the policeseeing as though I wasn't involved and didn't witness it

[laserel]

madrid he's already forgiven her but I must admit I'm now wondering whether there is more to their relationship, although she's a very senior job considering she's only 23.

[laserel]

she's got a very senior job

[cumfy]

Is she a fair bit older than him ?

[iwastooearlytobeayummymummy]

your poor brother , he is probably feeling dreadful on so many levels
please advise him to contact

//www.mensadviceline.org.uk

and

//www.mankind.org.uk

and

//www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Victim/forMen

[ChippingIn]

I think you need to speak to your brother.

Did she push him near the stairs and he fell down them, or did she deliberately push him down the stairs? There's a big difference.

You need to talk to him - offer him a bed at yours etc and tell him no one would think less of him if he wanted out of this/reported it to the police etc. It's hard for a man to admit being abused by a woman.

However, what I wouldn't advise doing is calling the police, it's not your place to do so - it's his call. I would be livid if you did that if you were my sister and I was abused, or you thought I had been abused.

[laserel]

she's a couple of years older than him

[cumfy]

Was he pushed from behind ?

Generally, it would be difficult for the fall to create such sig injuries in a young fit male without being caught by surprise.

If he was pushed from behind, this is a very significant worry.

[cumfy]

Don't take any notice of posts saying you can't/shouldn't call the police.

They are false. You can.

Do you think your brother is thinking rationally about the situation ?

[cumfy]

Were either/both under the influence of drugs/alcohol ?

[highhopes2010]

my brother,i would of kicked her arse!not condoning that of course.and there are definately adult ways of doing things.how do the rest of family and friends feel about her?what about your brothers friends,do they like her?

[laserel]

I don't know all of the details as I only spoke to him briefly