Need to stop.

[jess3817]

I need to stop drinking, but i've tried many times and failed.
Use to have a few drinks on a friday and saturday night at home and that would be it. The last five years, particularly the last 3 years, i've been drinking one bottle of wine every night.
I have had occasions where ive stopped for 2 weeks, even able to cut down so i could train for a marathon and didnt drink for a month leading up to and after that. but i always start again.
I havent had a night off from it for about 8 months now.
Im tired, bloated, and getting a dull achy pain on my right hand side.
But im scared to stop, because its become such a habit and know i always go back.

[dancingbadger]

It sounds like your ready to give up, it's just the addiction trying to stop you. I am in my 9th month sober now and honestly thought I would never be here. I can say, with absolute honesty, that I have never felt better.
I don't miss alcohol at all, I was probably drinking slightly less than you when I quit but still far too much and I recognise your symptoms of feeling bloated and the dull aching pain and I also knew deep down that it was doing me no good either physically or mentally. First month's the hardest then it just gets easier and easier as you feel better and better. The weight comes off, you sleep like a baby, you have more energy and you start to enjoy the days for what they are rather than wishing them away until you can have a drink in the evening.
So the things that really helped me were firstly books, particularly 'this naked mind' Annie Grace I've also heard the Jason vale one is good. Also getting good non-alcoholic alternatives in, I really like some of the non alcoholic beers there's a great website called dry drinker where you can order a whole load of stuff.
I ate loads of chocolate etc in the 1st couple of months but that's ok because it's definitely a lesser 'evil' and if it helps then why not. Just be kind to yourself, if you read the books they will give you lots of useful tips, let me know how you go x

[jess3817]

Hi, thanks for your reply.
9 months! That's amazing, well done.
I do understand the sleep thing, because when I have stopped drinking before, I sleep brilliantly.
I always think, oh its ok, I can drink like a normal person , when I've stopped for a week or so, I'll just drink tonight, but of course, I just slide right back into drinking every evening, so basically I know I have to stop for good, wich is a scary thought. I've done a month before, so you'd think I'd be able to do it again.
Thanks for the advice and book recommendations - I will take a look at them.

[dancingbadger]

You've done a month in the past and that's the hardest part it does get easier and easier I really don't miss it at all now. I also avoided massive drinking social occasions for the first couple of months, now it's not a problem at all, I love the fact I can drive and never have the 'beer fear' the morning after.
You can do this OP go for it x

[jess3817]

I guess i just have to try and man up and give it a try again!

Thankyou

[iamyourequal]

Good luck Jess. You can do this. You clearly have the strength when you have managed it before.
Your post is very inspiring dancingbadger. I hope I’m the author of similar in the months to come. I am trying to read some of the literature and make sure I have other ‘treats’ in so I get some kind of reward at the end of a long day...

[Rupertpenrysmistress]

You can do this. Badger has given some good advice, it's very similar to how I quit. I have been sober for 10 weeks and feel fantastic. My book choices were Allen Carr and the unexpected joy of being sober.

Totally agree with the chocolate I have been eating loads of it too. I couldn't moderate as I thought I could so, I had to quit. I feel happy with the decision and it does get easier it's now second nature.

[ashtrayheart]

Over two years sober here. Check out rational recovery and the AVRT method to recognise those evil drinking thoughts!

[Meggymoo777]

One thing I have found that has helped me is changing the way I think. I would have been a good one for saying 'I deserve this glass of wine', or more often 'I deserve this entire bottle of wine'. I find telling myself 'I deserve a good nights sleep, to wake and feel rested tomorrow, not not drag myself through my day tomorrow' etc has helped me a lot. Make sure and be kind to yourself when you're giving up.

I have read a lot of articles about how booze/wine is marketed to us women in particular and is framed as a deserving treat which, for some, just turns into a problem/addiction. In a similar way to how Valium was marketed as 'Mother's Little Helper' back in the day. I have found trying to understand how the 'normality' of having a few glasses of wine every evening is actually not normal and is majorly sold to us via social media, 'Wine Mom Memes', TV, advertising etc helps me to feel more in control and boosts my will power. Best of luck OP x

[jess3817]

Hiya,
Thankyou for the replies, all your advice is very helpful, and I'll take on board what you've said.
I think you're right about changing my way of thinking, ' I deserve this glass/ bottle of wine' to ' I deserve a good night sleep' or whatever other benefit I can get from it , will actually really help me. I haven't thought of it like that before. 😊
I managed to not drink last night wich I'm pleased about.
The other thing is, I need to find things to do at home in the evenings, my husband is out 2 times a week, and we don't go out in the evenings anyway ( rarely) in the past I have spent time colouring and reading, so I'd like to try something new to keep me occupied.

[jess3817]

Oh! And well done to all of you on the amount of time you've been sober, hopefully I'll able to say that one day 😊

[Meggymoo777]

That frame of thought has helped me so much to not feel like I'm abstaining or depriving myself from something by not drinking!
My evenings now kind of fly by, I go for a walk or make the following nights dinner, read a book, take a shower, paint my nails, watch TV, fold the laundry...
I definitely see such a huge difference already in my anxiety levels, energy levels, happiness, my skin, my appetite... the list goes on and on! Best of luck OP, don't forget you deserve to be rested and healthy and happy! 🙌🏻

[jess3817]

ThankYou Meggymoo.
I didn't drink again last night, I think I will be ok, until about 10 days, as when I've tried before that's when I do start to struggle.

[StandUpStraight]

Lots of great advice here. Love the meggymoo approach.

I hear you on the 10 day thing, OP. I found reading books and blogs very, very helpful at that point and for some time after. And remember that you have to give yourself a chance to experience the benefits of giving up. Most of them take a little while to kick in but they’re so worth it. I’m nearly 9 months now and in terms of sleep quality, anxiety levels, appearance of skin and hair, and general well-being, I’m a different person.

Try the mummy was a secret drinker blog, and Lotta Dann’s blog. They were both at similar levels to you and stopped completely, and their blogs detail their progress and their thought processes. Lots to relate to.

[jess3817]

Hi - thanks for those recommendations I will look them up.

I made it through the weekend!😀 I find Friday night harder than saturday, so I arranged a lon run early Saturday morning with a friend so I didn't have the temptation to drink. I hate running in the morning, so it was a good thing to plan.

[StandUpStraight]

Well done jess! Great idea to plan a morning run. When it was early days for me, I remember booking a facial for the Sunday after a Saturday night out with friends. It was a little reward to myself for not drinking while everyone else was, and because I had already booked it I could look forward to it while we were out, but also I knew I didn’t want to spoil it with a hangover.

Funny, I don’t need to do that now, because I don’t feel like I am missing out if I don’t drink. Playing the tape forward and knowing how good I feel without it is all I need, 9 months in. So keep going!!

[jess3817]

Thankyou 😊 that sounds like a nice treat. Struggled a little earlier on, my husband is out 3 evenings a week and this is one of them, I do/did enjoying drinking on my own when he is out. I have trouble between 530 and 8, once I've got to 8 I know I'll be ok

[jess3817]

Hi - had a bit of a wobble on Friday, found myself having 1 glass of wine, realised what I was doing and promptly tipped the rest of the bottle down the sink. Trying not to feel guilty for drinking it but haven't had any since, so I'll take that as a win.

[Meggymoo777]

Don't beat yourself up about a glass of wine! The more pressure you put on yourself the harder and more stressful everything will be!

I have not told myself that I am completely giving up alcohol, I think it would compound the feeling of missing out on something - I have however started looking at my drinking and defining it as positive or negative

Drinking an entire bottle of wine on a Tuesday alone at home - NEGATIVE (feel guilty)

Sharing 1 bottle of wine with my BFF for her birthday - POSITIVE

Drinking because I've had a crap day and I'm escaping (it's never an escape) - NEGATIVE

Having 4 drinks at an all day event in the company of my bf last weekend - POSITIVE

What I've tried to give up are my negative drinking habits, maybe that approach might help you too? X

You're doing great btw, being able to catch yourself like that on Friday is something to be proud of xxx

[StandUpStraight]

Well done for tipping it out. But don’t think of it as a derailment - think of it as serious progress! That’s something to be proud of.

[Meggymoo777]

How you doing this morning Jess?

[jess3817]

Hiya - thanks for asking, that's really kind of you. Been quite busy as my husband broke his arm at the weekend, so got a lot on at the mo as you can imagine 😂

I doing good, still on track, bit of a wobble last night but got through it.

[Meggymoo777]

Good stuff, I'm glad to hear you're still on track! We'll all have a wobble now and again, important thing is just to get up and back on track again! Are you seeing/feeling any benefits so far?

[jess3817]

Yes that's true !

Definitely sleeping alot better - in fact I have trouble waking up.(not complaining)
My skin looks much better and I've noticed my face is less bloated wich I'm loving, as was very aware of it

[jess3817]

Hi! 👋 still on track - getting back into running alot now,and am running in the mornings- making plans with friends so I don't just not go, never use to run in the mornings because I couldn't - so am using it as motivation to be strong and not drink in the evenings. ( even if it is just 2 miles round the block some days 😂)

[StandUpStraight]

That’s so great Jess - you must be feeling amazing and very proud of yourself. Now, I have been AF for nearly 10 months, but running in the mornings is something I do not have the discipline to do!