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Adoption

Eek start my adoption wednesday

38 replies

Coolchick11 · 20/02/2018 04:39

Eek got my first meeting with adoption agency Wednesday feeling rather nervous about it it's only to gather info and then we have to choose which agency to go with if there is anyone else out there going through the same as me i would love to hear from you xx

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teekay88 · 20/02/2018 07:11

Hey there! Greetings from another newbie! So me and my partner went through some.preliminary pre stage 1 stuff in October where we spoke to some agencies and went to an info eve. Were currently having a short break before making formal stage 1 app in June as he had to evidence giving up smoking and we also thought it'd be a good idea to try to get some more varied childcare experience. It's been great learning from more experienced adopters oh mumsnet but it's also a great relief to find there are ppl such as you who are new to the game too! Sounds like you may be able to help me out with tips by time am putting in a formal app but for meantime I can say all the initial assessments at stage you're at were fine not much more than a chat really. They'll want to know basic things like your relationship living status do you have a spare room, your motivation to adopt and things lifestyle factors like your work etc. Most agencies seem to do this part over phone but sounds like yours is face to face. We then found we were asked to go go an info event. They frame this as optional but I got the impression this is seem as necessary. The info eve we went to was invaluable as we got to see profiles hear about how the agency approached working with adopters and some.of the likely challenges. We spoke to a couple agencies who don't really do info eves and instead their next step would be visiting you at home. I think this part you're doing now is really.imporrant and worthwhile. In the few weeks we talked to about 4 or 5 agencies and i got a real sense of which I could see us working with and which I couldn't. Some social workers I spoke to gave off a bit of a negative slightly cold vibe which i knew would make things difficult as I need to feel comfortable with the ppl I'm going through this huge life experience with. One of the agencies we spoke to we got a much better more efficient and human sense from and this helped us make our decision they'll be our choice when we do go for it. The only other thing id say ia dont be put off if they lay on negativity about the children a bit thick. They need to do this to test at early stages which parents can handle likely challenges and are not put off by things and which don't show that resilience and are perhaps going in a bit naive. Just show that you've done your research and are informed about the types of children placed for adoption. Nothing will be too in-depth at this stage so my advice is don't show you've ruled anything out just more or less approach qs with an open mind. Happy to msg if you ever need someone to chat to and would love to hear how it goes. All the best xxx

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Shannonlynn · 20/02/2018 08:28

Hi CoolChick,

I had been looking at several agencies for some time, attended open events for two and then we contacted Barnardos who after an initial phone call, wanted to meet us. That was just over two weeks ago, we have now had our first approval into stage one and been here for 5 days now. All our references have been sent out and we have medicals booked. :)

The SW will see how nervous you will be, which is fine because it would be unnatural if you weren’t. They would like to see you relax as you go through your meeting, which should naturally happen without you trying to hard. Openness and honestly is what they are after from you. I think that you will be surprised just how human they are themselves, so please don’t panic. They will probably have a little look around the house and want all of the basics on you, most importantly they want to see readiness and want your motives to adopt.

Honestly, I was petrified but our SW did well to put us at ease and got all that she needed from us. Good luck :)

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Coolchick11 · 20/02/2018 13:09

Hi all thanks for all your lovely comments I'm nursery nurse so hopefully go in my favour I'm pretty much ready for adoption after several failed attempts of Ivf ready for next chapter of my life we are looking into siblings adoption cause of my age of 41 I will like to share my experiences with you all through the process so once I have my meeting I will let you both know xx

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DLouise2004 · 13/03/2018 23:21

Hi guys hope you don't mind me joining - we are just starting the process - have had failed fertility treatment but had already been looking into adoption options and what we might looks to do. Attended two local authorities open day and have chosen the one we would like to go with. They have asked that we wait for 6 weeks from date if failed treatment to get back in contact with them and we can then get the process rolling. Am excited, nervous, scared and happy we are moving along all at the same time! Would be great to chat to you guys as we are all in the sane boat. I think next steps will be a two evening training course to learn more about adoption and I guess test us on our resilience a little bit. Considering adopting siblings but don't know if we are mad to or not! X

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Shannonlynn · 14/03/2018 07:54

Hi Dlouise, Welcome to the world of adoption! From my experience it’s a far more positive world than that of fertility treatment. 6 weeks is no time at all, you have already done your research by finding this thread. If you want to be active before you begin, there is a whole thread on here on all different videos to watch which are really very good. While I waited to start, I read ‘building the bonds of attachement’ which was really good and our SW thought was good too. There is training to attend but also a massive amount of paperwork on yourself, I mean loads. We are wading through it at the moment, it will all be worthwhile in the end :)

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Coolchick11 · 14/03/2018 11:53

welcome Dlouise sorry I haven't been on here that much with family commitments work I have been on here as much as I had liked so sorry if I haven't responded we are considering sibling adoption i don't think i am mad i wanted two but then my husband said he would consider three I'm not sure about that one hehehe we have had a meeting with the local authority one in February and they said we couldn't start until july cause finishing my fertility treatment i would like to get you know you all on your journeys i think with the fertility treatment i kept myself to myself as it was personal to us but with the adoption it is personal but i want to talk about it to people so don't bottle things up like i did with the fertility

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DLouise2004 · 22/03/2018 18:34

Thanks @Shannonlynn - I will definitely look at the videos and do my research.

Can I ask about the finances side- what do the local authority want to see and when in the process do you go through it all - just trying to prep! X

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DLouise2004 · 22/03/2018 18:36

Hi @Coolchick11 so we in similar boat but our local authority doesn't ask us to wait that long. Willing the time to go quick so we can start the process! X

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Shannonlynn · 22/03/2018 21:02

Hey, so we are now 6 weeks into stage one and are finances form was signed off about a week ago. I completed an income and expenses form they provided and showed our disposable income. I then with this showed my sw some back statements and a spreadsheet which I use to budget and track all of our bills etc. She asked a couple simple questions and signed the form so I’m not sure if that’s it or not but it seemed like it. We are not with a LA, we are with Barnardo’s :) xx

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DLouise2004 · 22/03/2018 21:17

Thank @Shannonlynn - I worry that we have some debts as we have renovated a house but I am assuming that because we have disposable income then we will be ok - I guess we shall se - I really hope it doesn't hinder us x

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Shannonlynn · 22/03/2018 21:33

We have debt to about £8ks worth, this is from our first house deposit (family loan) and IVF but it’s managable and that’s what matters, (she says confidently) :/ :) x

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DLouise2004 · 22/03/2018 21:35

That's good to know @Shannonlynn - we have quite a bit more than that but hoping to remortgage to incorporate all- is manageable but worried they going to see it as a negative x

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Coolchick11 · 23/03/2018 11:42

we are also with barnardos but due to the ivf we have to wait until mid of june to start the process we have the registration of interest form and we will gradually start feeling it in may and then hand it in mid of june

cool chick

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DLouise2004 · 23/03/2018 12:25

It will all go so quickly won't it - is exciting we all starting around the same time. I just want to start now! X

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Coolchick11 · 23/03/2018 13:15

ah yep exciting just want to start now me and my husband before the ivf one years eve said that if the ivf didn't work we would go down the adoption route so we haven't just woke up from the ivf and said we will do that just have to wait a little longer than expected I will put my registration of interest in mid june and go from there

cool chick

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DLouise2004 · 23/03/2018 14:06

We are the same @Coolchick11 - we had already attended information data before our final ivf cycle knowing that was likely to be the route we took so have been quite excited about this for a while x

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Coolchick11 · 23/03/2018 16:39

Ahh cool I'm glad I'm not the only one then least we all be starting roughly same time thanks hunni needed this chat as I have been excited and kind of flopped as I have to wait

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DLouise2004 · 23/03/2018 16:52

No worries @Coolchick11 - if you ever want to chat just shout! X

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topcat2014 · 23/03/2018 19:03

Good luck flowers

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topcat2014 · 23/03/2018 19:04

Flowers fail!

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Coolchick11 · 30/06/2018 07:46

Hi hope all is well with you how far is everyone is in there process we have a social worker coming week after next to come and see us and start the ball rolling exciting times ahead for me would love to hear all your news
Cool chick

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DLouise2004 · 30/06/2018 23:04

Hi @Coolchick11 we had great news a few weeks ago and have passed stage 1! So pleased! Have 3 day workshop booked in August 9th and then we are assigned a social worker. Excited but her nervous- how are you? X

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Coolchick11 · 01/07/2018 08:13

Ah that's great news I am good thanks really cant wait to start the process not long now just waiting to hear from the social worker this week xx

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DLouise2004 · 01/07/2018 09:47

Keep me posted on your journey! I am getting a little worried I haven't allowed enough holiday to get me through the process but sure will work out! X

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Coolchick11 · 01/07/2018 12:04

sure it will be fine we are going away in September when we have started the process as we need a break and they are fine with seeing us not this week but the following week I think the first ignitial appointment let me know how you get on in your process im only 2 months it sounds behind you and hubby and I am sure if you explain they will be fine you going away its not the crucial part yet the first 3 months xx

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