Regular poster but have NC for this, will try to be as brief as possible.
Adopted a little girl 11 years ago. She is now 12. From an early age she was extremely hard work, persistent defiance, lying, stealing, oppositional. I tried many different approaches to parenting and muddled through. I became a much firmer parent than I'd ever anticipated and had to put boundaries of steel around her. It worked to a greater degree. This was in the days when the issues around early attachment and trauma weren't widely known. The situation nearly cost me my relationship with my DP and I fell out with a number of family members and friends who saw my parenting as the cause of her problems rather than vice versa.
At around age 7 school finally became concerned and we went to CAMHS. She was diagnosed with attachment difficulties. All the pennies dropped with me and I read everything about therapeutic parenting I could get my hands on. Not one person was able to give a single piece of practical advice. They just told me to keep on doing what I was doing as it seemed to be working.
It has been an extremely difficult battle but by the age of about 10 things calmed down considerably. She and I have a very close relationship most of the time. We spend a lot of time together, she has become an emotionally intelligent girl and we have worked together on helping her to regulate her emotions. We have a lot of fun most of the time and lots of shared interests. I love her very much.
About 6 months ago her behaviour started to plummet (serious illness in a family member, an increasingly dependent parent I care for and adolescence all in the picture so no surprises really). The stealing, lying and defiance have been ramped up. Her attitude is awful, she can manage for a couple of days but then the crap behaviour and attitude return. I'm on my knees with it. I'm physically exhausted, on the brink of sinking back into depression and my blood pressure is high again.
I don't know what to do. I have a partner but we don't live together, not that he can manage her. I have no babysitters as either I'm not confident in them being able to manage her or they won't babysit for fear of false allegations of physical abuse which she used to make regularly.
She's having therapy at the moment and the therapist is aware and trying to work with her. I am paying privately for therapy for myself. But I'm so low and exhausted. The early years were so very hard and I can't believe we're back there. I don't know how to find the energy to continue.
When she was around 7 years old school finally picked up on it. We went
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I don't know how I can go on.
55 replies
exhaustedmumofone · 18/04/2017 20:30
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