Feeling really lonely - anyone fancy a chat?

[chooseyourusername]

I know that I have nothing to complain about compared to lots and lots of others.
I have my health and a roof over my head (just) I live with DD 17 - but she is so selfish and disrespectful and it has got to me - I have to admit I am really depressed and tonight I just don't want to carry on. Life is too bloody hard - working shitty jobs for minimum wage - have fallen into debt had to borrow money from a friend - just really need to talk to someone - feel I always put on a cheery face for friends - in my experience most people don't really want to know if you have problems - and they can't help anyway - just that really

[TheGoldenWolfFleece]

Sorry to hear that op. I agree people might occasionally ask "how are you" but they don't really want to know the honest answer. Got any nice plans for tomorrow?

[jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey]

To be 17 and know everything again!
It's a tricky age op.
Pick your battles!
What you been watching on tv/ films lately?
You got any nice plans to look forward to?

[Moretodo]

I was looking through my bookshelf today and found some old notes I had written about my dc being lazy and selfish.
Five years on its the same pretty much.

They can be so self centred.

Sounds like you are burned out.
What can you do for yourself tomorrow to really look after you?
Hugs.

[chooseyourusername]

@TheGoldenWolfFleece

Sorry to hear that op. I agree people might occasionally ask "how are you" but they don't really want to know the honest answer. Got any nice plans for tomorrow?

Thanks for messaging. No plans for tomorrow. I want to just keep driving till I get to the coast but I can't afford the petrol! Can't stop crying
What about you - how are you - do you have any plans for tomorrow?

[Ablababla]

I’m sorry you are feeling low. I think modern life can be very lonely and stressful sometimes. I’m happy to talk. I’m in bed with covid at the moment. I don’t feel too bad but stressed at all the work piling up while I rest.

[chooseyourusername]

I have some nice books to read I was given for Christmas - I just need to get out of the house though! I'm sick of wandering around on my own really. When you're single weekends are the worst - I don't actually mind not being in a couple - got used to it - its just when you go out all you see are couples and families

[TheGoldenWolfFleece]

No real plans here - just trying to sort my house out. Feel like i live in a hoarder house sometimes!

I'll take my dog for a walk somewhere though. Fresh air will help me. I've been in a bit of a slump recently so just trying to keep myself busy.

[InFiveMins]

Hi Op 👋 I'm here to chat.
I know when I was 17 I was difficult to live with!!! Now I'm considerably older I have a much better relationship relationship with my mum. She will mature in time - she's at a very difficult age. It will pass.
I also totally get the shitty minimum wage jobs. I take a lot of comfort from knowing there are literally millions of people like me, waking up early to go to a job they dont really want to go to, just to make sure they pay the bills.
It sounds like you're having a tough time and I know it's cliche but it will and does get better. Life is so hard and so shitty sometimes. I hear you and sympathise xxx

[Beecham]

Sorry you are feeling low. Remember everything feels more shit in January when it's cold and dark. I hope you feel better soon.

[Cashwhat]

I have an almost 17 year old plus 15 and 11 year olds. They can be insufferable little gits sometimes.

I'm a bit mean and use the removal of phone contracts and electricals (as I pay for them all) if they are being absolutel arseholes.

Otherwise I sometimes retreat and do whatever needs to be done and let them seek me out. Which generally makes them think (well makes them think why didn't I go mental and lose my shit). Nice to keep them on their toes eh? 😂

Chin up, January is almost done and you've got this x

[ErinAoife]

Feeling the same than you.

[chooseyourusername]

@Ablababla

I’m sorry you are feeling low. I think modern life can be very lonely and stressful sometimes. I’m happy to talk. I’m in bed with covid at the moment. I don’t feel too bad but stressed at all the work piling up while I rest.

sorry to hear you have Covid - I am sure that the work will get done - try not to stress about it (easier said than done) - what is it that you do?

[chooseyourusername]

@InFiveMins

Hi Op 👋 I'm here to chat.
I know when I was 17 I was difficult to live with!!! Now I'm considerably older I have a much better relationship relationship with my mum. She will mature in time - she's at a very difficult age. It will pass.
I also totally get the shitty minimum wage jobs. I take a lot of comfort from knowing there are literally millions of people like me, waking up early to go to a job they dont really want to go to, just to make sure they pay the bills.
It sounds like you're having a tough time and I know it's cliche but it will and does get better. Life is so hard and so shitty sometimes. I hear you and sympathise xxx

Thanks - it's nice to know I'm not alone. I was a little git at 17 ! and I can remember my Mum being beside herself and her telling me I was putting a strain on their marriage. Our relationship has improved but we are not super close but that is a personality thing really.
I know that it is a stage but I feel that phones have just driven a complete wedge between us. My DD will stay in bed all weekend on her phone - literally the whole weekend. She won't wash a plate, a cup, or pick up anything - at all! I end up screaming like a banshee and I am sure the neighbours think I am a complete fruitcake

[InFiveMins]

@chooseyourusername

I have some nice books to read I was given for Christmas - I just need to get out of the house though! I'm sick of wandering around on my own really. When you're single weekends are the worst - I don't actually mind not being in a couple - got used to it - its just when you go out all you see are couples and families

I get this too OP. What helps me is putting on a podcast or audiobook for when I go for a walk. I walk and listen and feel so much better for it tomorrow I plan to have a short walk and then come home and cook a nice meal for myself and watch something comforting on the TV. I don't think the weather helps, it can be quite depressing.

[chooseyourusername]

I wish I could remove her phone contract but her Dad pays - we did remove her phone for 3 days once and DD went awol - wandering around at 7am trying to buy a SIM card (with her BFs money) I seriously thought she was going to come to harm or get picked up by the police - the state she was in - she said she couldn't cope without talking to her friends and she genuinely seemed in a bad way without it

[Ablababla]

I just meant that the house was tip really! My son is younger but the phone thing is a real problem. It’s hard to know what you can do about it at 17 though. It’s probably the toughest point in the parent child relationship. You just have to hang in there.

[chooseyourusername]

It does get you down when the house is a tip. There's only us two so I can keep on top of the mess everywhere else but DD's room is a health hazard - despite me going in there to remove disgusting smelly stuff every week or so!

[InFiveMins]

Keeping on top of my flat is a task in itself but it does always make me feel better when it's tidy. My bedroom when I was 17 was vile. So was my sister's bedroom at that age. My mum used to go mad - I can understand now why she used to go mad at us but at the time I just didn't get it!

Have you tried writing in a diary? Might not be your thing but I bought a journal from Amazon and try and write down what I'm thankful for every day or something that's cheered me up. It does help me feel a bit happier and more positive.

[TheGoldenWolfFleece]

I find writing stuff down is helpful with pen and paper. It doesn't need to make sense. It doesn't even need to be readable. But the act of writing i find very freeing. Might be worth a go?

[chooseyourusername]

I should write things down I feel thankful for, you're right - I need to remove my head from the pit first!

Things I am thankful for:
My daughter (grrrrrrrrrrrrrr)
my sense of humour (?!)
I've never been arrested
Tik Tok
I have my own teeth

[Cottagepieandpeas]

Sorry to hear you’re feeling crap op.
I struggled with my daughter when she was that age. She knew absolutely everything. And I knew nothing!
She’s lovely now though! It usually turns out ok in the end.

I’ve got no plans for tomorrow. My DP is really unwell with some sort of stomach thing. So I’ll be looking after him and panicking about the interview I’ve got next week.

[WildPoinsettia]

I'm the same, always say I'm fine even if I'm not. I don't think you're supposed to say anything else are you?! Maybe with a close friend I'll briefly mention a problem if it's not too bad but I don't go on about it and anything awful I keep to myself. I don't like to drag the atmosphere down.

I suppose it's only another year before your DD can get a job and start contributing which will help the financial situation or perhaps she'll move out with friends? You might get along better once you don't live together.

[AlwaysLatte]

Sorry you're feeling so down. When I feel like that I find a bath is really soothing. Can you take an iPad in there with you and get lost in a film, or a book? It's difficult too when the nights are dark for so long. When my partner died I found nights were the worst.
What about hobbies? Is there anything you've put off because you've been looking after others? Something to revisit, or something totally new? When the brain is busy it can't dwell so much.

[WildPoinsettia]

@chooseyourusername

I should write things down I feel thankful for, you're right - I need to remove my head from the pit first!

Things I am thankful for:
My daughter (grrrrrrrrrrrrrr)
my sense of humour (?!)
I've never been arrested
Tik Tok
I have my own teeth

I like your gratitude list, kind of random . Mine is
-my boiler! I've lived in so many cold places, this place is warm and I love it.
-bubble bath. It's my me-time every day.
-not being dead from covid. At the beginning of the pandemic I was convinced I'd catch it and die. Sorry, a bit morbid!
-shoes. I've got lots, even heels I don't wear any more. They make me smile.
-the trees outside my window. There's something soothing about watching the constant changing of the seasons played out on a tree.

My plans for tomorrow are cleaning. Nothing exciting there. I like it when it's done though.

[chooseyourusername]

Thanks guys - good luck with your interview next week cottagepie - I'm sure you will be fab. Hope your Dp gets better soon!

I have visions of my DD never getting a job - she has gone through 3 part time jobs so far. Today she rang in sick because she didn't sleep last night (was on her phone all night I suspect) I've given up trying to get it off her because she would kick and punch me and accuse me of child abuse!
I would never have dreamt of letting an employer down like that. I was brought up by fairly strict parents (or by a completely different generation) DD has no responsibility for anything, little respect and is very self centred. Her Dad can't really say no to her either so she knows that she can always ask him for things.