NC for this as it could be outing
I’m 26 and when I was around 5, I was told the Man I called dad was not actually my bio dad. My bio dad had left before I was born and wanted nothing to do with me or mum.
It was a shock however I have always thought of him as my dad and have continued to this day to refer to him as dad, and I always will as he had brought me up (he met mum when I was 1)
However I was always told that it was a secret and I must NEVER tell anyone ever. I went through life lying about how my parents met and it always felt wrong.
I met my boyfriend when I was 17 and after a few years I told him about the dad situation. He was fine about it and understood that I did have a dad, he just technically wasn’t my bio dad.
I have always had an overwhelming curiousity about my bio dad, he lives in Australia and I knew his name so a few years ago I searched for him and was looking at the pictures of him and his kids (my half siblings) I wasn’t told much about him by mum and whenever I brought him up I would be told to never talk about it again as it was a taboo subject.
So once my boyfriend knew, I was finally able to talk to someone about it. It felt good and I decided I’d like to message him, I wanted to hear from him why he left us, if he told anyone about me and a few other things. I didn’t particularly want to meet him ever but I just always had the burning questions.
Long story short he responded but didn’t really seem Interested in conversing with me so we left it there and haven’t spoken since (this was 4 years ago)
I didn’t tell mum and dad at the time as I didn’t wanna hurt them and I knew they wouldn’t understand my reasons for doing it.
Last week I was talking to mum and I decided to come clean and told her everything.
Since then my dad has ignored me, we had a chat last night (me mum and dad) where I explained my reasons and in no way was I trying to replace him, I just needed answers and wasn’t interested in meeting him at all.
I was shouted at a lot for being so vindictive and called a “snake” lots of crying. My dad actually stormed off in the end and said I was ungrateful for everything. I had tried to explain that I absolutely loved him to death and was so so grateful for him raising me and I will always call him dad. But he wouldn’t listen.
He was very angry I’d told me (now fiancé) and said I should’ve always kept it a secret. I said I’m an open and honest person and I don’t feel like I should, if people judge us then whatever, I know he’s my dad and surely that’s all that matters. But making up elaborate lies about the situation wasn’t the right way and they cannot expect me to lie forever when it’s my life it affects.
Right now they have both shut me out of their lives, I’m feeling very hurt and I miss them both. I have told them both how much I appreciate and love them but they think I’m ungrateful and just want to chase after my bio dad who doesn’t “give a fuck” about me anyway.
I’m now questioning if I’m in the wrong or not? I need You to tell me, as people reading this with no bias towards either side. Was I wrong for contacting my dad? Or telling my partner? Should I have always kept it a secret? Thanks for reading
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Am I in the wrong?
Namechange313 · 16/09/2020 11:59
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