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Child sleeping in parents bed

(45 Posts)
Cruddles Wed 11-Sep-19 09:09:44

We've got a DS just turned 3. Each night he's put into his own bed, in his own room, at bedtime. But by 11pm he's in bed with us. We should have nipped this in the bud when he was younger but for whatever reasons we didn't. We all sleep well with the three of us in bed.

What i wanted to ask is, for those who have been in a similar situation how did your child end up staying in their own bed, did they grow out of sharing with mum and dad or did you have to force the issue?

putsomethingontheendofit Wed 11-Sep-19 09:19:05

If you sleep well, there is no problem, surely? My 3 year old bedshares with me - it's fine and good for them and will probably end naturally.

Cruddles Wed 11-Sep-19 09:21:05

Oh yeah, I'm not wanting to stop it now, but i also don't want him to be 7 and still doing it. Just wondering if it does end naturally in people's experiences or if there's a point where you have to take action

Boobiliboobiliboo Wed 11-Sep-19 09:23:40

A question. You refer to “us” in your bed. I assume that means yourself and your partner.

Why do you think it’s preferable for a small child to sleep alone whilst grown adults get the warmth and comfort of bed sharing every/most nights?

My DD I has always been welcome in my bed. She was there all the time from 0 till about 2, then most of the time until about 4, pretty regularly between 4 and about 6 and now at 9 it’s very infrequent. She’s grown to like her own space. And that’s fine.

Purplerain16 Wed 11-Sep-19 10:31:55

Me and my brother slept in with my mum til we were 11.
Dad worked nights at the time, and they had a king-size bed, so we all stayed in the same bed.

I stay in the same bed as my mum now when I go visit

Camomila Wed 11-Sep-19 10:42:18

DS is the same, he's 3.5 - need to tackle the issue before DS2 is born in Jan!

DH (Asian) slept with his parents till he started reception, then when he realised all his little friends slept in their rooms he happily went off to his room too.

KeepOnDancing Wed 11-Sep-19 10:49:14

My NDN's DS slept in their bed until he was 12. My friend has her 2 DC (6yo and 9yo) in their bed every night. I couldn't sleep with my DC because they are like octopuses in their sleep.They sleep well but I'm tired and grumpy the next day. hmm

SudowoodoVoodoo Wed 11-Sep-19 10:57:27

My 6yo still has phases of coming in to us at some point. Sometimes it's in the night and he wants to warm up. Sometimes he feels more secure settling in our bed if he's struggling to sleep. It's a good thing that it's a safe space for him. After a few nights we get tougher about sending him back to his own as it's not great for our backs sleeping around him for too long.

neweeeyebrows Wed 11-Sep-19 11:02:27

DD co-slept until about 4 and then DS took over and co-slept until 10-ish. DH and I happy eight this as DH is up very early for work and so he could get up and go without waking anyone.

I can’t remember why they stopped co-sleeping so it must have happened naturally but it was definitely their choice.

Are you and DH happy with your sleeping arrangements?

Igotmylipstickon Wed 11-Sep-19 11:03:06

My DS did that for years - every single night. He stopped when he was around 4 years old - we got him a nice new bed and told him that now he had a more grown up bed he could stay in it all night. It worked.

Mabelface Wed 11-Sep-19 11:12:22

My eldest was 4 years old and my partner at the time returned him to bed. Took about a week. He'd got to the point where his flailing limbs would disturb us in the night.

TaskMistress Wed 11-Sep-19 12:51:44

My 11year old would still sleep in the middle of SH and I if we let her!

If you want it to stop you have to put him back into his own bed every time he gets into yours.

Saying that if either of my kids 13&10 are sick or need extra comfort they come for a cuddle in the night

LittleMissEngineer Wed 11-Sep-19 12:52:58

DS has been doing this since 2.5 years old. He is now 9 and still doing it virtually every night hmm.

Not really a problem - unless he is particularly fidgety. He pokes/punches DH every so often grin

He is now pretty big though! Lucky with have a super king.

It’s habit. It will be harder to break the older they get. I assume he will grow out if it “one day”. hmm

This is not uncommon - there was a thread on this a few days ago.

LittleMissEngineer Wed 11-Sep-19 12:54:15

Although it’s hard to “put them straight back” when they ninja appear at 2am grin

DelurkingAJ Wed 11-Sep-19 13:06:28

We are currently employing a sticker chart with present once completed to get DS2 (3.5) to stay in his own bed. I wouldn’t mind if he didn’t thump me, spin 180 degrees and kick both of us etc in his sleep...but last time he crawled in I was woken five times through the night (he woke one of those) and it’s not sustainable.

Shittiestdayinalongtime Wed 11-Sep-19 13:11:42

I used to sleep most nights in my mums bed, looking back it was more her idea as I got older. But when I was about 7 upwards I would usually go in my own bed by choice, occasionally wanting to sleep in her bed.

LoveFlowers Wed 11-Sep-19 14:06:10

My DS transitioned from our bed to sleeping on a mattress next to our bed, to finally sleeping on his own 'car'-shaped bed in his own room. He's 3 1/2 years old now and loves his car bed. He sleeps better in his own bed now (especially as he's got a younger baby sister who would wake him up) and so do we! We do still have a mattress in our room ready in case he feels the need to be with us during the night which he occasionally does e.g. if he's had a nightmare/or is ill.

Hmmmbop Wed 11-Sep-19 15:37:51

DS just stopped needing it about 4 months ago, he was 3.5. he now only comes in if ill. They do just grow out of it.

Cruddles Wed 11-Sep-19 16:13:08

Thanks for the feedback. I'm the DH, my DW and i never shared our parents bed growing up so never thought about it too much with our children. We also have a DD a few months old so if she decides to join us at night as well then it might become an issue of bed space.

fiveleftfeet Wed 11-Sep-19 16:16:57

Yes, DS grew out of this eventually. I can't remember when exactly.

DD is 6 and still comes in for a snuggle some mornings. Sometimes she wakes up pretty early (like 5am) and snuggles in, and we all go back to sleep.

It's a lovely way to wake up IMO.

The older she gets, the less she does it.

OnlyFoolsnMothers Wed 11-Sep-19 16:19:26

Surely the problem is your LO in the habit of waking up to move rooms? I I dont advocate broken sleep for such a young child- nor would I want to go to bed the same time as my 2 year old.

Muddlingalongalone Wed 11-Sep-19 16:32:55

Dd2 is 4 and now spends about 50/50 nights with me. I've found over time the hour she joins at is increasingly late too.
They'll grow out of it in their own time. As long as everyone is getting enough sleep who cares where it is.
She sleeps on her own at her dad's so is capable.

SimonJT Wed 11-Sep-19 16:36:03

My four year old goes to sleep in his own bed, but gets in mine at around 4am every night, I do very occasionally say no and he will settle well when I take him back to bed.

AMAM8916 Wed 11-Sep-19 16:45:21

My son is the same. He's almost 3 and goes to sleep in his own bed then at 12am on the dot pretty much, he wakes up, cries and comes through to our bedroom with his duvet! He then stays in our bed all night and jumps on my head at 7am.

We actually don't all sleep well as hubby gets up for work at 5:30am so our son wakes and I've to try and keep him in the bed and not follow his daddy! It's safe to say we're pretty tired and this has been going on since we got back from our holiday 2 weeks a go.

I'm thinking a teddy to comfort him may help? He may very well be waking due to a nightmare and if he had a teddy, it would probably help. Also a dull night light. It's not even like he wakes and shouts on us or cries. He wakes then bolts out of his bed, along the hall and into our bed!

Nonmerci Wed 11-Sep-19 16:45:56

My brother didn’t stop this until he was ten...

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