Is it normal to feel this tired?!

[NeverGotMyPuppy]

Someone is going to tell me 'dont expect strangers to diagnose you' but I've been to my GP three times saying I am worried I have PND but he says I dont.

I have one DS who is 10 months. He has been a crap sleeper until the last 3 months or so - now he will go through the night but more often than not is awake by 5.30, usually 5. His morning naps are usually good but sometimes he will only for for 30 mins for lunch. So I dont often get much me time which means I end up going to bed later.

DH is working crazy hours and we aren't on very good terms at the moment. He feels I criticise him and I feel he must does things wrong! Quick example- DH says 'DS's tea is fine'. I check it - its scalding hot.

I just feel so ground down and so so tired. DS often does 6-7 dirty nappies a day. I feel like if I'm not wiping a highchair or the floor im wiping a bottom of a baby who does not want to lie still.

I try and do a lot with him. We are part of a very active NCT group and I dont want to feel left out. This week we have been swimming, the park, a trip to the vets, a play group, 2x national trust sites, softplay, a petting farm/softplay place and I took him to a creche while I went to the gym. I have driven for about 3 hrs today (he fell asleep on the way back so I didnt want to interrupt his lunch time nap). This is quite a normal week for us.
We had his check last week and the HV said he was overweight and I cant spoonfeed him t all anymore so I'm trying to prepare healthy lunches for him - he isnt often spoon fed and I feed him very good food (e.g. i make him his own 'jam' using strawberries and chia seeds) but not being able to use the odd pouch is frustrating. It's also made me anxious about his weight because I thought he was ok.

I just want to hide from him and close my eyes.
I dont know whether this is:
A) normal tiredness - I do a lot
B) abnormal tiredness- I should be able to cope with this

If its B I dknt know whether it's a symptom of a mental or physical problem.

I dont really know what I'm expecting people to say. Just writing it down has helped a bit!

[NeverGotMyPuppy]

Crap that was long. Sorry.

[Mintjulia]

That’s an awful lot of activities. Can you pop dc in a play pen with a couple of new toys and spend some afternoons with your feet up eating biscuits. That’s what I’d do. (did)

Maybe you are expecting a bit too much of yourself

[hormonesorDHbeingadick]

You are doing way too much and not getting enough sleep.

No wonder you are so tired.

[BelulahBlanca]

Not saying this is true for you but when I had quite severe depression I felt I was exhausted because That allowed me to hide away in bed.

[BelulahBlanca]

Your life sounds V hectic though!

[Hiphopopotamous]

When my DC nap I sit down with a cup of tea and do nothing for an hour. Any extra nap time and I do a few bits around the house.
You need to take a break! You've done as many activities this week as I would do in a month! Plus all the driving and sleepless nights! I'm tired for you just thinking about it.

[NeverGotMyPuppy]

I do try to have the odd afternoon off but now he is on the move he does require more help.

Everyone just seems to manage SO much. I feel like I'm on constant catch up.

[Haworthia]

I feel exhausted just reading your post.

You’re doing too much.

It’s bad enough that your baby is a bad sleeper and you have little support from your partner, but your weekly programme of events (😄) sounds absolutely punishing. Don’t do it to yourself, love

I know you must want to get out of the house for company, and to escape that feeling of being trapped within four walls, but please scale it back, it’s ridiculous.

(I blame the NCT one upmanship, honestly!)

[brightbluesky]

That is one hell of a busy week I would be knackered too!

I hope I don't offend but I don't get the need to do so many activities when a baby is so young.

I used to do water babies once a week, meet a friend for the odd coffee, other times were spent walking in the pram, here there and every where, would pop into see family go to the shops etc but no pressure. I Really miss those walks now she is at school!

[NeverGotMyPuppy]

This is helpful. Thank you.

[NeverGotMyPuppy]

My family are an hours drive away so it's not really a 'pop in' thing.
NCT one upmanship is definitely a thing!

[Haworthia]

I try and do a lot with him. We are part of a very active NCT group and I dont want to feel left out. This week we have been swimming, the park, a trip to the vets, a play group, 2x national trust sites, softplay, a petting farm/softplay place and I took him to a creche while I went to the gym. I have driven for about 3 hrs today (he fell asleep on the way back so I didnt want to interrupt his lunch time nap). This is quite a normal week for us.

Your baby is ten months old!

I’m not criticising you, really I’m not. I feel like you’re in a “boiled frog” situation, where you’ve gradually agreed to more and more and more trips and activities because the invitations came up and “why not?” and part of you felt like you needed to keep up with the other mums and project an image of having your shit together. But it’s not normal!

My children are 8 and 4 and I’ve never subjected them - or myself - to that much shit in a week EVER.

[NeverGotMyPuppy]

@brightbluesky not offended at all. Thing is I like getting out and seeing people. Our local shops are a bit shite so it's not really a fun thing to do. DS also gets cranky in the pram.

[TheVoiceInTheShed]

Put the tv on to baby channels and read a book yourself, you are doing FAR too much!

[NeverGotMyPuppy]

@Haworthia thanks. I didnt take it as criticism but the idea that I'm 'subjecting him' to it has upset me a bit.

[Aozora13]

Oh my goodness I’m tired just reading this! My baby is 9mo and we do a fraction of that. So while we go out most days it’s typically a trip to the park or the shops. She’s my second and I couldn’t even be arsed with baby groups this time round, and baby doesn’t seem to be suffering any ill effects. Sod what you think everyone else is doing and do what works for you. Also chill out on the special sandwiches - he’ll be fine with whatever you’re having (as long as it’s not super salty/sugary) and I’m sure the odd pouch won’t be the end of of the world. You’re doing great, there’s no need to put so much pressure on yourself.

[Soola]

Right from day one I had a nap/power nap every day and baby/child slept when I did, either in a safe place such as cot, bed or when older, alongside me on a sofa or in my bed.

Having a siesta is something mother did as she came from a very hot climate so I followed suit despite living in the UK!

[NeverGotMyPuppy]

@Soola yes I think a nap might be a good idea for a bit.

[Haworthia]

Ah, you’re not subjecting him to anything, they don’t mind where they’re taken at that age. So don’t feel guilty about that.

[NeverGotMyPuppy]

I think I'm absolutely terrified about regretting my mat leave. I constantly feel unsure. If we are in the house DS ends up just crawling all over me, I can't really enjoy a cuppa and biscuits while he is around, so going out often feels easier.

[P1nkHeartLovesCake]

No 10 month old needs that many activities! Your making yourself tired and he really won’t be getting much out of it.

Cut the activities down and play/enjoy being with your baby at home.

[NeverGotMyPuppy]

@P1inkHeart as I say he tends to just end up climbing all over me so it often feels easier to go out!

[Aozora13]

Are there other reasons you think you might have PND other than feeling so tired? Do you feel like you have to be busy all the time to avoid feeling a certain way? For me it was the interaction with my baby I missed after mat leave rather than endless activities - especially those quiet moments playing together on the floor or snuggling on the sofa

[P1nkHeartLovesCake]

Yeah they all do that but you can’t take them to activities constantly, its of no benefit. You just end up an over tired Mum which is no good for you or him.

Make a safe space at home so he can’t hurt himself, put out some toys, play with him a bit, then leave him playing for a while, play with him again for a wile and repeat

[NoSauce]

That’s a crazy amount of stuff you’re doing with him, at 10 months old he just doesn’t need it. Cut it down by half.

Is there anyone who could have him the odd afternoon so you can have some time for yourself?