Do you spend Xmas with your family, ILs, 'turn about' or at home?

[Maveta]

I have always, except one xmas when I was in Australia, spent Xmas day with my family. This is normally my parents and at least one sister, if not both, possibly partners too depending on the year .

Since I got married a few years ago we spend boxing day with the ILs and there is no issue there.

Last xmas (first with ds, at that time first grandchild) was all my family as usual (7 of us all in) and it was a NIGHTMARE. All those things that always irritated me about xmas with my parents seemed magnified tenfold when I had a baby to look after.

Everything is about the food. No one can just loaf about, there is always peeling and preparing and baking and washing up and this and that. It's totally exhausting (and the food isn't anything special either at the end of the day, just ridiculous amounts) and I felt that now we have a kid maybe we need to start making our own xmas day traditions.

But do any of you actually spend xmas day with just your kid(s) and dh/dp (if applicable)? I kind of think that despite the hassle and the arguments and the grumpiness, if we stayed home alone it would just be like any other day.

[mumblechum]

We just do our own thing on Xmas day as all rellies hundreds of miles away.

We do however do duty visits, flying to Edinburgh to see MIL & driving to the Lakes to see my family, usually 7 to 10 days before Xmas. It takes that long to recover from spending the best part of two days on the M6.

I like our system.

[jofeb04]

We (myself, dh, ds and dd) normally see my parents and pil on Christmas Eve. Christmas day is always just the four of us, with both parents coming up for 30minutes (and no more) just to give the dc a small gift.

Boxing day is always down my parents (mainly because my inlaws always go to see friends).

It works well for us - peace and quiet

[MrsNormanMaine]

All our parents are dead but if mine were here I would love spending Christmas with them - always did even as a teenager. It was always so magical and warm. My MILs would have irritated me but they are gone too so this year it is just us, maybe with some friends too. Often have a Jewish friend over on Christmas Eve and eat Middle Eastern food to remember the foodie geography of the whole thing! I have done Christmas since my Dad died when I was 25 so Mum was always very appreciative - she loved the season and in her papers I found an article she had written about the joy of having a time when she could feel like a child again. I hope I made her Christmases as magical as she made mine. Off to dust down the sleigh bells to tinkle on the landing on Christmas Eve - can't wait!

But we all took part in the preparing. The first year both our mums had died (two years ago) we rented a big house with DHs brother and sister and their children and the kitchen was a constant fug of chat, clinking glasses...and lots of peeling, basting, grating and stirring - with carols playing.

So I would say - you'll miss em when they're gone - and my little ones would love to have grandparents to share Christmas with too. Especially my 5 year old who remembers 3 of them well. Make all the preparations into part of the fun of the day - for my family the food was really an expression of love and taking care of those you love. And I have Jewish friends whose grandmothers would do nothing but feed everyone.

Can you go for a special walk, just the three of you - and then back to the fray? I think either spend it just in your new little family - or if you're going to get together throw yourself into the whole thing - washing up and all.

[Jux]

I have never spent Xmas day with just dh and dd. The closest we've ever got to it was when dd was about 3 and the three of us went to the ILs, my mum coming too. It was appalling. DH couldn't drink because he was driving. The ILs are snobbish, boring, ignorant and dim, so the conversation was grotesque. There was NOTHING to do. MIL is a crap cook so the food was ordinary.

Apart from that one time, we have always had Xmas at home, with my mum (who lives with us) and my two brothers (the ILs always go to the Isle of Wight and stay with sFIL's kids, poor things!). It's not all about the food in our house though I do try to pull all the stops out to make it special , but we don't eat enormous amounts (in fact, it's quite impossible to get a turkey small enough!). It's more about getting together and having fun.

[Maveta]

Thing is, I love being with my family. We have a great time together. But on xmas something takes over my parents and they seem to forget the point is to BE together and not make the most convoluted desserts in the history of xmas.

Ahh.. but xmas just the 3 of us sounds so boring and quiet.. maybe I just need to get them to agree to a pared down menu this year..

[KatieDD]

We will spend the week before with parents and brothers, then the day itself with DH, DC's and MIL.
It is quite dull but that's our family I'm afraid, thank goodness we can change things for the better as our children grow up, I will be having everybody to me unless bledding from the eyes.

[yomellamoHelly]

The closest we got to Christmas on our own was the year ds2 was born (on 18th) and ILs stayed in a hotel near us. We got two hours to ourselves. Was actually totally dismayed when they turned up so early and they were also really stressed out. Would love Christmas on our own since I hardly ever get my dh and our sons to ourselves and they're growing up fast. But I couldn't do that to him and our dss (well ds1 really - ds2 is still too small). Am hoping to limit the time we stay with them to less than a week this year.
Also feel too much effort goes into producing too much food and then a massive clean-up operation afterwards and the huge pile of pressies under the tree also leaves me slightly cold. I am obviously a huge humbug type person though.

[ohdearwhatamess]

We'll spend Christmas day at home with just the 4 of us. Dh and I used to spend it home alone before the dcs came along.

MIL, BIL and girlfriend, SIL and her dcs will come over on Boxing Day.

We may or may not see my parents sometime before or much after (we are not close).

I love having it with just us - no irritating relatives, no arguments, no having to be the perfect hostess.

[cmotdibbler]

We do a random mixture as we don't like being tied down into a system - and have done this since we have been together. We've been to my parents, his parents, his oldest brothers, on our own, all parents to ours, and away at a hotel on our own. So far the best is the hotel, and the worst was at his parents (boring), closely followed by my parents (just too stressful).

This year we're having all the parents as then they can witter at each other. I had to invite my brother too, but after 3 weeks he still hasn't replied.

[mydoorisalwaysopen]

We have Christmas day to ourselves with visits from relatives if they want and then invite everyone from both sides to our house on boxing day. The house is very full and I get a bit stressed trying to get the packets undone feeding everyone but it means everyone gets together.

[MrsNormanMaine]

Maveta - could you suggest taking over the menu this year to thank them for all the Christmases they've done. Everyone can still muck in and help but with a simpler dessert?! Just say how you feel with lots of positive stuff about wanting time to BE together not just work in the kitchen together. Tell your mum you come to see her and if she does loads of fiddly stuff she'll vanish in a storm of cream, carrot skins and detergent.

[ShePeeTeePee]

We stay put now that we have DC. However, we are happy to have as many friends and relatives stay with us, as our small house can cope with - and every year someone has taken up the offer. ('tis my mince pies ). Remaining relatives also seen on a 'tour of duty' over Christmas period as someone aptly put it.

[UpJacobscreek]

We have always spent christmas day in the same way ,go up to my parents for a couple of hours in the morning (they only live a 10 min walk away) the lo's open their gifts and we see my sister and her dh at mums . Then we go home and play with new toys ,wat dinner watch rubbish on TV and usually have a very chilled nice time ,then we go to pil's in boxing day for dinner then FIL drops us off at my Grandmas where we spend a couple of hours with all the extended family.

We decided to change the routine last year [hmmm] we had dinner at my parents this ended up with my dp been taken to the pub by my dad and bil ,me and my mum playing bop it and moaning how long they were taking at the pub ,dp coming home and trying to disguise the fact he was pissed and kept going up to the loo to throw up ,he then went home on the pretence he was going to let the dog out I got home an hour later to find him asleep in the room and dog crap everywhere ,he was kicked shook awake and stumbled upstairs only to tread in dog crap and then get in bed with his shoes on ....me and the dc sat and watched DR who alone while he slept it off ,this year he is not going to the pub and we are having dinner at home .

[GunpowderTreasonAndLemon]

We do a mixture, not on a set rota. It will probably be just us at home this year, although there's a slim chance that my sister and BIL will come to us.

[mamainstripes]

My family come to me. We will have 16 this year, 8 resident and 8 for the day. I will give you my tips/menu if you want to have people over.

Delegate buffet lunch/tea to someone to bring
Delegate large oven item to someone who lives close (bil brings ham here)
Have lots of a few things rather than 10 veg and 5 kinds of meat
Do a make ahead veg dish eg a cabbage that you will just have to microwave.
Do a make ahead desert that you can freeze or get someone else to bring one.
make this stuffing you can freeze it and it saves wraping tiny sausage in bacon
Have a christmas eve peeling party or have someone else bring peeled veg on the day.
Don't do boiled veg, they need too much supervision. If you want carrots, roast them, if you want peas, microwave them, if you want brocolli have it on boxing day. This doesn't apply to sprouts which will not be more disgusting if overcooked.

If you do some prep in the few weeks before then there should be plenty loafing time on the day.

[Maveta]

I do think they need to take on board suggestions, tbh they just want to draw up a foot long list of food items and then spend all day bossing everyone around which just makes everyone tetchy.

Last year because I had the baby they said they would come to ours but they'd cook. Great, right?

Cue xmas day and first thing starts with carloads and carloads of stuff being carted round from their house to mine - gravy boats, serving dishes, plates (!), dessert bowls (!!) etc etc. And then all having to go back the next day. It would have been so much easier going to theirs. I don't know what came over them.

[cherryliquormonster]

well last year it was just me, my brother and my 4 kids. this year we have me, dp, brother, sister, gran (my gran so kids great gran) and the four kids. will be great. my mum will be over for the day on boxing day too. and in-laws may come over for a couple of hours at some point. i love it- do loads of food (gran will help this year as she is a great cook) get very drunk and surprisingly no arguing. it is not allowed on xmas day or i will cancel the whole thing!!!