Interested in people's thoughts on this.
On Christmas day do families with young children (mine are aged 5 & 8) sit tight and if (pushy) extended family want to see them then they need to travel where the kids are?
My quandry is described below!
I have pushy, teflon coated in-laws (mother and sister in law. Sis in law is married but chosen not to have children). My dafault view on christmas day is for families with young children extended family should ideally travel to where the children are (my parent's approach except when my grandparents became old/we had left home/gone to uni). I understand all families are different, and will be flexible, but am feeling a bit nervous about the predicament I now find myself in as it potentially could set a precedent.
My pushy sister in law has invited us over on Christmas day (children aged 5 & 8) should I bite her hand off as she will have all the work catering?! My mother in law simply does not have the stamina to host so is dependent (and probably emotionally blackmail my sis in law to do this but I don''t get too involved in this!). Sounds great BUT....
My SIL has pitched her offer to host as follows: she wants the children (and us) to come to hers for a first 'special' christmas in new 'show home no kids' house and for her in-laws and my pushy mother in law to be entertained by our hopefully cute young children. On probing there are no spare beds (the 70 & 80 year olds will have these) so my husband and I will be on the floor.
My sister in law is an utter stress head/ control freak so will spend hours in the kitchen prepping christmas dinner and NOT playing with her nephews (our experience 3 years ago was she had only 20 mins free as her catering standards are so high).
I have visions of a stressed out sis in law, older generations (70's & mid 80's) not used to over excited young children combined with trying to get the kids (and us) all sitting around a lunchtime dinner table together. It feels me with horror. (Personally I would not choose to spend christmas day with my SIL hosting her in law's for the first time but recognise it is just one day in the grand scheme of things & it is the time of goodwill to all men and women after all?!)
At the moment my view is to opt out of Xmas dinner and say we are turning up mid afternoon for leftovers? However mindful that this would mean just over a 2 hour return journey on Xmas day for the children, mean our family christmas is squeezed (as I will do a simple roast for lunch before heading off for our 1+hr drive) and potentially set a precedent for future years (ie it's reasonable to expect us to travel if they want to see the kids on christmas day). There's no recognition from my SIL that she just left her mother for the last 2 christmas' for us to do the running around either (more about this later).
For a quiet life (and to be reasonable) I think this may be the best course but am interested in suggestions as how not to get in the situation again. What message do I need to be sending to my push sister and mother in law about the next 5 years?!!! My husband is assertive but is erring on a quiet life / easy option for this year but I think a conversation does need to be had (by him or me) and would life some help please!
I am a flexible person but it's a balance between the children and older generation. I also don't want to set a precedent for future years (i.e. every alternate years the kids are just expected to travel to where my MIL and SIL think is reasonable).
Historically, I have tried to alternate christmas between my family and the in-laws. For the last 2 years my sister in law 'dumped' her mother on us and my husband has been expected to be a taxi service. My sister in law has married a Austrian who historically has flown home to spend the 24 & 25 with his family. (SIL reasons are (i) first christmas with her fiancee in mainland europe following their engagement (as hubby always spends Xmas with his family) and (ii) their first christmas as a married couple with his family again.
Thoughts please!
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Young Children at Christmas - should older / pushy relatives come to their home?
25 replies
KathrynK73 · 03/10/2016 17:34
OP posts:
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