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Do you buy more for your dc if you have a small extended family?

(25 Posts)
Dancergirl Thu 13-Nov-14 09:49:45

We have a very small extended family, my dds have one uncle and aunt and 2 cousins, grandparents on dh's side and just grandma on my side. My mum has various health problems and we have a rocky relationship so I doubt she will buy them anything this year.

I feel I want to spoil my dds a bit but dh doesn't really agree. He says a few presents each is enough.

I'm not talking about going mad and spending beyond our means, just buying a few extra things.

andmyunpopularopionis Thu 13-Nov-14 09:54:27

We did but then we had no family in the UK at all so there were no other presents. I probably over compensated though grin

CMOTDibbler Thu 13-Nov-14 10:06:25

A little bit - we don't go mad by any means, but buy more than we would if on christmas day there was anything that wasn't from us iyswim. DS(8) will only get money from my parents as they can't manage a present, nothing from my side of the family, and 3 presents from DHs side on boxing day (and a v boring day, but thats another story)

poolomoomon Thu 13-Nov-14 10:18:57

Nah. I used to and I used to justify it by saying "well, we only have four members of family that buy them presents and we only buy presents for birthdays and Christmas, no random gifts throughout the year." But I've never wanted Christmas to be about 'stuff', I'll leave the capitalists to that wink. It's more about the excitement, build up, general feeling in the air etc to me. I get them about five presents each and a stocking. They also get Christmas Eve hampers and a hamper on the 1st of December. It's more than enough IMO. I felt dreadfully guilty seeing 100 presents under the tree last year. I don't like it when I know many children get none and it's all terribly unbalanced in the world, just makes me sad...

TheFantasticMrsFox Thu 13-Nov-14 10:37:12

Yes, when DS was smaller (though he is an only child so it's hardly like he had anything to compare it with hmm) We never went crazy but we are not people who buy lots of treats during the year either.
Now he's older (10) we simply spend more money it seems grin

Dancergirl Thu 13-Nov-14 10:44:08

I have loads of ideas of things I COULD buy them that I know they'd like.....just worried about spoiling them. But they don't have much the rest of the year so a little spoiling is ok isn't it?

Cherrypippin Thu 13-Nov-14 11:00:36

Dc only receive two other presents and 1 cheque from our families so we massively overcompensate and make sure they have plenty.

Oldraver Thu 13-Nov-14 11:06:05

My DS only gets presents from us, my older DS, my DB and his GP's on my side. A friend sends him money and he did have some money from one of his aunts.

I think we do compensate for the fact he doesn't have lots from other people

bigTillyMint Thu 13-Nov-14 11:15:50

My DC only have PIL (who gave masses when they were tiny, thankfully just money now!), DM (who gave money for me to buy something) and Godparents/family friends who give small presents/money.

I have always done stockings and when they were small, one main present and a couple of/few other bits so they had stuff to open.

Galaxymum Thu 13-Nov-14 11:48:22

I do now as my mum died in 2012. DD now receives just one monetary gift from my side from my darling great aunt.

On DH's side there are his parents who buy a good present, then she receives an outfit from her two cousins (DH's youngest brother) and an envelope with a £20 from the other family (middle brother).

Tbh as this went on when she was five, six and seven I have always gone to buy her an extra present as we have so few presents beneath the tree before Christmas. I do think it is pointless swapping money envelopes and I would much rather just buy more for my child.

So yes, we do go a bit mad if we can afford it. But I do consciously buy things my mum would have bought as the extras.

attheendoftheday Thu 13-Nov-14 13:13:07

I find it hard not to buy too much tbh. There are so many toys that are lovely and I know the dds would be delighted with, and I'd love to have around the house. It's probably good that we don't have a big family to buy for them too.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas Thu 13-Nov-14 15:08:59

just worried about spoiling them. But they don't have much the rest of the year so a little spoiling is ok isn't it?

You will not ruin and spoil well brought up children by splashing out at xmas. I know an extremely wealthy banker family, new things are always coming into various houses, the children are not spoilt, they are well brought up polite sweet children.

You spoil children by never ever saying no, by giving into demands, never showing them disadvantaged people. Never making them be thankful for what they have etc etc.

What you may consider to be going a little over board will be one persons example of gross excess and anothers version of tight and stingy.

In your case YES I would buy a few more presents to make up for lack of relatives. I am fed up of people saying " we only buy two gifts" then admit, they have family members who will totally spoil them. We do not.

They have pretty much only us.

You will not spoil them. They are children once. Its christmas.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas Thu 13-Nov-14 15:11:34

I don't like it when I know many children get none and it's all terribly unbalanced in the world, just makes me sad...Recyle the stuff they dont want the following year then, plenty of charities and fairs all round at xmas needing donations, then its win win.

vikjul Thu 13-Nov-14 15:29:33

You will not ruin and spoil well brought up children by splashing out at xmas.

I agree with this.

However, I am still torn between on the one hand having lots of ideas for nice gifts that I would like them to have, and on the other hand knowing that my (very unmaterialistic) dcs will actually be happier with less. I always buy more than they have actually asked for (not excessive, but 5-6 nice gifts plus a handful of smaller stocking gifts), and I always suspect that they might have been even more excited with what they received if I had bought less.

So in my case, it is more the case that I am wary about "spoiling" their Christmas with too many things, than about worrying that it might affect their behaviour/expectations.

Norfolkandchance1234 Thu 13-Nov-14 15:54:10

I am having this dilemma and have just now decided as I never buy my DD and DS any presents between birthdays and Christmas and they are not spoilt and Whiney I will stretch to what they want partly because they actually deserve it. Plus my DD cleared up her room yesterday. so she could get a specific present after I mentioned where would she even put it.
I will however not buy anything just for the sake of it, just stuff they really want which is mainly lego related this year and quite pricey.

MsAspreyDiamonds Thu 13-Nov-14 15:58:41

a few smaller extra gifts and an emphasis on experiences might be the way to go without massively spoiling them. So trips to the panto, garden/shopping centres to see the lights, hosting a xmas party for their friends etc. Building connections with the wider community to compensate for the lack of family.

marne2 Thu 13-Nov-14 16:02:25

We don't have a huge family, my DM give the dd's cash (£10 each ) and my DF gives them a few presents, no one else really bothers and if they do its just £5 and a selection box so the dd's don't really get much to open other than what we get them. I tend to buy them quite a bit but I try and control myself and not go to OTT, though I'm sure spoiling them for one day ahead won't turn them into spoilt brats.

MrsBungle Thu 13-Nov-14 16:06:15

I do a bit. My dc's do get presents from mil and dh's sister but my mum died before they were born and my brother doesn't bother with them really. My dad didn't bother with us as kids so is definitely not interested in mine!

Siarie Thu 13-Nov-14 16:11:53

When I was a kid I loved loads of presents, they didn't have to be expensive I just loved the look of a full tree.

My mum still to this day comments on how fun I was to buy for as she got to by lots of little things. She used to have a money limit of about £100/150 for each of us but she knew I liked lots of presents so thats how she worked it for me.

We didn't have a huge extended family, so would get about two presents from the rest of the family.

DomiKatetrix Thu 13-Nov-14 16:12:00

Spoil them. It's one day of the year and you say they don't get spoilt the rest of the time. My only-child DC rarely gets toys outside of special occasions so I go overboard on Christmas and birthdays.

IdaClair Thu 13-Nov-14 16:18:08

I never really considered my kids to have a small extended family until I read the op and counted on my fingers, has brought home to me how many people I have lost.

I am in my 30s and I am the oldest living generation of my family.

I had not considered buying them more - I might now!

iloveholidays Thu 13-Nov-14 16:42:44

I have a large extended family (5 siblings between me and DP). My girls get roughly £10 presents from them plus from both grandparents.

My older two probably get 10 presents each and a stocking. This is probably a lot to some but includes next stage games, books, craft and a few toys. I budget about £300 for my 3 DDs but the youngest one doesn't get as much as she's only 2 and would be overwhelmed with too much.

I get really annoyed with people judging how much people have spent on their children. its up to you how you spend the money you work hard for! smile

enjoy your Christmas!

PesoPenguin Thu 13-Nov-14 16:45:22

I do a bit but not too much.

stewierooibos Thu 13-Nov-14 16:46:43

I have a huge extended family but only exchange presents with my parents, sister, dc godmother and my gran.

I'm lucky that my parents and sister ask me for suggestions. If they didn't there is more I would want to buy my dc but I probably wouldn't actually buy it as I'm already stretching my budget to the limit with what I get them now.

They get 1-3 presents from me (usually under £50 total), a present from father Christmas (usually £10-20) and a well stuffed stocking (about £30-40)

berceuse Thu 13-Nov-14 17:41:29

I do, every year. Just us, no other presents at all apart from money from GPs. They think that they are being helpful giving ££ and I understand that, but I would prefer a well thought out present.

Even then it would be our presents plus one each from GPs.

I usually buy lots, I don't feel guilty either - we don't buy much during the year apart from for birthdays.

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