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I am feeling really guilty and so is DH and we need to decide about Christmas for tomorrow...

(34 Posts)
rhondajean Sat 10-Nov-12 20:40:56

At least if we are to get the free wine if we order with m and s.

We both want to just stay in and relax and order Chinese for dinner, we go out on Christmas eve, have turkey dinner, etc then, and christmas day is I think the only day in the entire year all four of us are at home all day and have nowhere to go and nothing to do except be together.

Problem is, DMil was widowed last year. Last Christmas, we had her and dgmil for Xmas dinner as no one else would ask them and we didn't want her sitting at home alone with her mother on her first Christmas alone.

It was a horrible day, mostly because DH and the DDs took the vomiting bug and dinner was ruined, then the ils stayed till late, I couldn't even have a glass of wine because they wouldn't!

I've been a bit unfair in that ive left it to DH to decide and told him he has to do it by tomorrow. Wwyd? There is an expense element to is as well - much cheaper for takeaway for four than full Xmas dinner for 6.

I feel awful about this!

PickledFanjoCat Sat 10-Nov-12 20:42:52

Can't you have them and tell them it'll be take away?

Isn't it the company they are after?

Lilyloo Sat 10-Nov-12 20:45:45

Order Chinese anyway and have the wine, they can always get a taxi back

ghoulygumdrops Sat 10-Nov-12 20:47:44

You should feel awful. You are being awful.

scarlettsmummy2 Sat 10-Nov-12 20:50:24

You can't leave them alone. It will be your husbands first Christmas with out his dad too and it's not fair to emotionally black mail him.

rhondajean Sat 10-Nov-12 20:50:25

I can't serve his 80 year old gran takeaway on Christmas day, it might kill her, seriously she is a real traditionalist. They won't drink - neither drive - gran wont drink and tuts if mil does which puts her on edge so she won't and then I don't want to sit getting pissed alone!

It absolutely is the company - which is why I feel so awful. I had a horrible Christmas day last year, but then again the illness was out of our control and possibly it was that which did it.

I know what I should do and what we probably will end up doing, I'm probably just grumbling i can't have it all my own way sad blush

rhondajean Sat 10-Nov-12 20:51:30

It wasn't his dad, it was his mother bf who he didn't have much time for, and it was 18 months ago so last year we had them for the first Xmas without him (not that horrible, honest)

PurplePidjin Sat 10-Nov-12 20:51:32

If you're driving, you decide when they leave, surely confused

Invite them for lunch. Take them home in time for the Queen. Neck wine and snuggle up with a soppy film.

Roast a chicken for lunch, doesn't need to cost a bomb!

PickledFanjoCat Sat 10-Nov-12 20:52:55

Yes illness won't have helped.

I see what you mean, my nan I don't think ate a Chinese in her life!

Can't you do a really simple one, by most of the veg in marksies abs roast a turkey crown and have a Chinese boxing day?

Id ask them to be honest!

DorsetKnob Sat 10-Nov-12 20:53:46

Is your DH and only child?

ChippingInLovesAutumn Sat 10-Nov-12 20:57:28

Pidj makes a good point (or two)!!

Or, tell your MIL how it's going to be at your house on Christmas Day (ie takeaway) and ask if she wants to join you & bring Gmil along - then it's up to her to decide which suits them best - her cooking a full CD or coming to yours.

rhondajean Sat 10-Nov-12 20:58:01

DH will be working Xmas eve, boxing day and probably every other day through out the holiday season. As I said, it's probably the only day the whole year we are all home together with nothing to do/go to.

Perhaps it is about being more assertive and saying its time for them to go but we both find that rather hard to do tbh. It would be a markies pickled, but there's another £100 eh.

We will end up doing it - I just need a grumble - especially as I discovered earlier DH is feeling the same way I did,I thought he would be much more decisive and say we will have them tbh.

Gumby Sat 10-Nov-12 20:58:53

Could you take food round there & cook it there & then leave when you want & snuggleup as a foursome from 4ish onwards

rhondajean Sat 10-Nov-12 20:59:38

DH is an o ly child - dMIL isn't but in 15 years the uncles have never invited dgmil for Xmas. Sorry I don't mean to drip feed info - didn't think op through properly (as usual)

ghoulygumdrops Sat 10-Nov-12 20:59:56

You are a good person OP for doing it. I hope Karma repays you kindly in the future!

PickledFanjoCat Sat 10-Nov-12 21:01:08

I suppose it adds up for 6.

At least they are not big boozers that will keep the cost down a bit..

Your doing a nice thing. You will get in those pearly gates grin

rhondajean Sat 10-Nov-12 21:01:29

Couldn't go there, dMIL does not have room or a table. We do.

MrsBovary Sat 10-Nov-12 21:01:58

Is it possible they might invite you for dinner? You can at least decide when to leave, then.

MrsBovary Sat 10-Nov-12 21:02:23

cross posted

rhondajean Sat 10-Nov-12 21:05:18

Aww thank you. I know we will end up doing it - I want to get my spoilt child disappointment out now so that on the day I can smile and be happy.

I genuinely like the two of them - fingers crossed that we don't take I'll this year. I also had left over Xmas dinner food for about three days last year because no one else was eating.

I realise I'm lucky to have family to share it with, and excess food is hardly an issue in is day and age (spent Wednesday at a conference about food poverty) but I'm just disappointed. They are lovely but not sparkling company and gmil is a bit deaf so lots of shouting and repeating!

MegBusset Sat 10-Nov-12 21:06:03

Could you have them over for lunch and do a light lunch eg a buffet with naice ham etc. Then take them home say 5pm and kick back with your takeaway?

rhondajean Sat 10-Nov-12 21:06:22

Mrs b dgmil isn't up to cooking for six and dMIL in 15 years has nev invited us for Xmas dinner no room no table oh I suppose you will want to do your own thing

rhondajean Sat 10-Nov-12 21:09:08

Meg that might work. I'd like them to see the dc - when dmils partner was alive they came found in the morning then went to her house for Xmas dinner which she cooked for them. I think children even a sulky 13 year old make Christmas.

I'm maybe too rigid in my thinking - Xmas day we eat big meal about two and then have a cheeseboard and crackers at night, we could just swap it.

Gumby Sat 10-Nov-12 21:10:43

It is really hard
But I just can't help thinking who I'll be with at Xmas when I'm old
Hope my kids want to see me!!

MegBusset Sat 10-Nov-12 21:12:37

We always do a buffet lunch on Xmas Day (DC are 5 and 3 so much prefer this to a cooked Xmas dinner plus it's easier for DS1 who has multiple food allergies). Then DH and I have our dinner in the evening when kids are in bed. It's loads of fun, the DC love it and much less stressful for DH and I.

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