Small company, only senior woman, making very poor judgement calls and very tired but what to do.....?

[TheRealStig]

I work in a completely male driven environment. I am not a director but a very senior person in the company.

All the directors have SAH wives and they work stupid hours, have pledged their 'lives' to the company it seems and are always prepared to take work calls etc. I am the first senior woman with children they have ever employed.

For example, one of them had a new baby this year. He immediately announced how he was sleeping in a different part of the house so his sleep wasn't disturbed so he could keep sharp to carry on working.

Last week, a director of our company but one who does not work in the UK but happens to be CEO of the whole group asked me for a piece of information. I tried to call the CEO and director of my company but he was abroad and in a meeting so barked at me to call back the next day. Group CEO told me this info was urgent so I gave it to him but made him aware that my director/CEO had not had a chance to approve this info going out.

He said yes yes yes. He then took this info, showed it to a 3rd party and essentially, signed the group up for a large contract without my director/CEO being aware.

I was ripped to pieces by my director. He has a habit of flying off the handle and he reduced me to tears in the space of 5 mins. Although I am not a cryer, this is his way of handling people. He thinks screaming at them gets a point across and I'm finding it harder and harder to deal with it.

I went away, thought long and hard about it, then wrote him a very measured email saying that I had warned the group CEO (unfortunately only verbally) he had not seen the info, had not copied him on the mail where I sent this info as I had not had a chance to speak to him so it would not have made sense if I had and that if there were political issues between the directors, I was not aware of these and as this man was CEO of the whole group (so more senior than him) and a director of our company, I had always taken the view that he was entitled to have this info (in fact, he is copied in on all our reports anyway).

This is the sort of situation I am dealing with every week. But I'm no political animal and I'm finding it very difficult. Everything is telling me to resign and that I cannot work under these conditions and I'm not the right type of person for this job but am I being too hard on myself? Or maybe I am just not capable of making the right judgements?

[tribpot]

It really is entirely understandable. I've been thinking about this, and you, today and I reckon I can count on one hand the months in my entire career I have not had a supportive boss. And they were godawful.

How are you meant to achieve anything? It's surely basic business for a boss ... sigh.

I think there very much is a case there to front up and say "when you get so cross, I can't tell what it is you want - I understand you're frustrated but please let me try and help you". Obv this isn't going to open every door but you are at least showing willing.

[rookiemater]

Sounds like a crap situation that you are doing your best in. Can I recommend a book " Dealing with People you can't stand" has some great techniques about how to handle different personality types in a non confrontational way.

[mamas12]

hi and will you post after your meeting tommorrow. Unfortunately my boss sounds like yours and whatever strategy we employ he will react the only way he has done in the past. God knows how they managed to get where they are today , is it intimidation or just the impression of a strong powerful man. Crapola. Anyway good luck

[HalfMumHalfBiscuit]

As Tattycoram said, writing it down is a good idea. Plus if you have to go to a tribunal or anything you can use it as evidence.

Best of luck.

[Scroggleboggle]

Hello. I'm afraid that I haven't read all the posts here as my DD is about to wake up, but your post struck a chord! I once worked in an incredibly stressful, unsupportive environment which sounds like the one you describe (although it was a much larger organisation, a major law firm in the City). There was a strong blame culture and no matter how good your paper trail, there was no way of avoiding being bullied by senior members of staff. In my case, I stuck it out for three years, because I felt that to give up would brand me a failure. In hindsight, it was a massive mistake - I should have walked out the week I started. It took me a long time to regain my confidence (strangely in many areas of my life, not just work), even though I am a relatively tough person, I think.

So, I don't want to be pessimistic, but do take care of yourself to the extent you can and don't let them bully you into thinking it's your fault. There's no shame in backing out sometimes (or put another way, sticking two fingers up to them and saying stuff your stupid job). Finances and alternative employment permitting of course! Really good luck!

[mamas12]

Where are you stig?
What happened?
My bullyboss and his 'mutleyesque' sidekick wants to get rid of us, but we have managed to get him to put his proposal down on paper for terms for us to take it over ourselves.
He is supposed to give it to us by the end of day tommorrow and we will have til nxt Thursday to come back to him.
We're not holding our breath though because the last time he did this he shafted them to be quite frank, but they didn't realise it the time. As we are more aware we will be taking this document to a legal person to look it over first. But of course who knows.