At a loss with future of work

[boonr]

I'm 34 and have 2 children, aged 6 & 4.

I live in a v small town which doesn't have many job opportunities. I work in the best place possible in the town. I work for Government and although I'm not high up, I have a nice wage, the flexibility & annual leave are amazing. I know I wouldn't get this anywhere else.

I really enjoyed my job when I first started. I then had my children and developed epilepsy. Ever since this, my brain has been terrible. I can't focus, I find it hard to learn new things, my memory is terrible. I just feel like I can't keep up & it takes me ages to do very simple pieces of work. I have a new job in the same workplace and the job should be incredibly easy. It's so simple and straightforward, and yet I spend every day making silly little mistakes. I'm meant to take notes for each meeting and I can't keep up with what everyone is saying (again, even those these meetings are very short and very simple).

I just feel so down about work and realised I have another 35 ish years of working there. I can't leave because it really is the best place to work. I'm also thick (since epilepsy). I'm just stupid in all honesty. I was thinking perhaps I can try and do an open university course which could help me get passionate again about work. But I genuinely wouldn't be able to remember any of it, or learn.

Feel like I'm meant to give 100% at home and 100% at work. I just can't do that. So basically I'm stuck in the same place for the next 35 years because my brain is dog shit, and I'm unable to learn anything new.

Hoping for some sort of advice.

[dreamfield]

I'm meant to take notes for each meeting and I can't keep up with what everyone is saying

Taking notes in meetings is challenging at the best of times! If you're trying to take notes it's then difficult to participate.

Have you had an occupational health assessment?

Would dictation software help with this example? So you could focus on the meeting rather than frantically trying to make notes, but will still have a transcript.

Or if that's not workable, have you applied to Access to Work if having a PA to support you with note-taking would address this?

What reasonable adjustments do you have in place? Eg modified targets or workload if it takes you more time to do things, assistive technologies (eg dictation software), coaching to help you develop coping strategies?

It sounds like unsurprisingly your self-esteem has taken a bit of a battering from all this. Getting more effective support in place could help with that over time, but have you had any form of emotional support to come to terms with what's changed and explore the way you're talking to and about yourself? I don't think you're stupid, I think you're dealing with a very tough situation.

[dreamfield]

https://www.gov.uk/access-to-work

[coastalhawk]

Taking notes is genuinely hard and I'm often surprised at how poorly lots of people do it. Could your worry/insecurity be distracting you while working and be part of making mistakes? When I am nervous or worried in meetings I miss stuff.

You're not thick, just adjusting to new and difficult reality which sounds difficult and I think anyone would take time to adjust to! First of all maybe take the time to acknowledge to yourself how shitty the new situation is for you and that its normal for it to be difficult, and maybe try intentionally being kind to yourself and having empathy and patience for yourself.

I have had MAJOR confidence issues in my job and found work coaching (from a coach specialising in women cos this is often gendered) really helpful. Just 1 hour session changed everything for me, and I'm having another one soon. If you search her on Google its Mandy Green Leadership.

They should be able to help you identify a bit more what's going on inside a bit, what your limiting self beliefs are, lay out what you can control and how to go about improving the situation in small practical ways.

Maybe also trying meditation/mindfulness/yoga before work so you are in a more relaxed and present frame of mind?

Sounds tricky but there is a way forward. Let us know how you get on.

Good luck OP!

[theeyeofdoe]

Brain fog can also be a side effect of certain epilepsy medications. Mention it at your next review, you may be able to try something else.

If not, write down the parts of your job which you are good at. As a PP said, taking minutes of meetings is actually quite difficult. You have to write quickly and listen at the same time. You can then speak to HR about removing yourself from those bits, even if it's just until a medical review.

[LIZS]

Could you request to record the meeting on your phone so you can listen back for gaps? As long as everyone agrees and you delete after use it should be ok.

[OurChristmasMiracle]

If you are on medication it sounds as though this is effecting your memory and learning functions. I would speak to your neurologist or doctor and see if there’s other medications that would work. I’m epileptic and I don’t struggle with memory issues (or have any side effects other than low folate)

[boonr]

Oh thanks so much everyone.

I had considered speaking with occ health in work. I know there are so many things they could do to help me, but I've been struggling on trying to pretend everything is ok. I guess I've been kind of stubborn and not really accepting that I do actually need some help. I think I'm embarrassed to ask for help because the job is genuinely so easy. Or would be to anyone else.

Good idea for me to check with neurologist about my medication. I had heard it can cause memory problems etc, and it probably does have a lot to do with it!

I do have someone I speak to regularly who can coach me and help.

Thanks so much for the ideas and support x

[boonr]

I guess I'm also afraid of being 'one of those people' who start a job and come with a load of problems and everyone thinks you're a nuisance.

There is also a neurodivergent group in work as well. Perhaps I should get in touch with them!

[TiptoeTess]

Sorry OP, that sounds really hard :(

Can you get a dictaphone and record meetings, just do headings at the time and then flesh out the full notes later?

[MujeresLibres]

OP, if you use Microsoft Teams and record the meeting, there is a transcribe option too. It's not perfect, but should serve as a memory aid. Probably other software that can help too. Best wishes.