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Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

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Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

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Just wanted to moan...

27 replies

harrassedmum · 17/09/2004 23:32

...about the fact that i have now abandoned my children and over committed myself to things, as has dp, between us both doing full time degrees, both working part time and my voluntary work we now have no full days together, he doesnt have a day with the kids and i only get 1 1/2 days with them. Also evenings and things and holidays i know but just feel very depressed now, but we are committed to doing them and i dont want to give them up other wise i will fel really selfish as he will have to somehow do more work to compensated for the money we will lose! Oh dear!

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monkeymagic · 26/11/2004 10:15

Just heard my name mentioned here (only took me 2 months!!). Hope things have picked up a bit for you harrassedmum. Just wanted to say that I know lots of new/in training life coaches who would be more than happy to coach you for free if you thought it would help. They're often looking for people to work with because it helps to build up their experience. CAT me with a bit of information about what you'd like a life coach to help you with and I'll easily find you someone who'll be happy to help you.

miranda2 · 20/09/2004 13:33

Harrasedmum, stick in there! I know its horrendous, but actually I have a friend who worked full time when her kids were little (had a nanny which took all her salary and some of her husbands so she didn't get off the ladder!), and has now (they are abuot 9 and 7) gone part time as she now can and she says they need her more now. So take all the stuff about'they are only little for such a short time' with a pinch of salt - when they are little they don't miss you in hte same way as when they are bigger, and a couple of years of hard graft now sounds like it will put you in a much better position in a few years time. I know I nearly killed myself doing a degree while ds was small, but it was definitely worth it. Also dp works very long hours, but hey ho - thats how life is, no point complaining about it. It matters more you being around at hte weekends and things when they are in school, I think. Hope this helps!

harrassedmum · 18/09/2004 22:03

Damn modern technology, this is the second time ive tried to type this cos mine has just crashed! Good luck with job interview, you never know they may pay you a fortune!

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tammybear · 18/09/2004 18:57

cor my internet crashed in the middle of typing a post to you harrassedmum so sorry for the delay. had exp round

i dont really trust getting a job at the moment, as ive heard so many bad things about NDLP advisors at the job centre that I dont know whether theyre just pulling my chain! Have an interview tomorrow but i dont think the pay will be particularly high so if it isnt I wont go for it.

harrassedmum · 18/09/2004 00:53

Certainly dont feel like a spring chicken! I know what you mean about that, i have been at home full time for nearly 4 months in the summer and it drove me mad, and i spent loads of time just cleaning and cooking etc so wasnt great quality time really. Would feel cheeky asking for a free life coaching session, but it may be a good idea.

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cab · 18/09/2004 00:47

harassedmum someone called monkeymagic on mumsnet is a life coach. I wonder if you put up a thread asking for freebie advice would she help?
Guilt about the kids is probably the hardest thing to deal with. I'm a SAHM, but believe it's the QUALITY of the time that you spend with your kids that matters more than the quantity. (Think maybe if I had LESS time with dd I might value it more and be a better mother.)
Make those 1.5 days really count and perhaps life will be clearer?
p.s. 30's a spring chicken!

harrassedmum · 18/09/2004 00:43

lol , thanks for that, feel more cheerful already!

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80sMum · 18/09/2004 00:40

Well, good for you, harrassedmum. I'm sure it'll all be worth it in the end. You're obviuosly very committed to bettering your situation and I really admire you for that. Try to take some time out now and again though. You need time to recharge the batteries. Don't remain a harrassed mum for too long without a break, you'll get burnout. Take it a little slower. OK, so it'll be maybe a year later than planned but you'll have kept your sanity, have a tidier house (only slightly tidier mind you; don't go mad now!) and enjoyed your children more.

harrassedmum · 18/09/2004 00:34

No, i know its not very old, my mum did it at almost 50! But, i have been trying to get back into it for a few years, and i just think if i am nearly 35 before i qualify i will be a bit peeved really. I am just fed up of working in crap jobs for crap money. And having to have us both working, with him doing really long hours as he was before, just to keep us going.

Tammybear, did you come across one of those firms that we have round here, that tell you the job is one thing and you find out its something completley different?

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tammybear · 18/09/2004 00:28

thats what i thought, they can stuff their job though unless they were willing to pay me double

80sMum · 18/09/2004 00:28

Eeek! Since when has 'almost 30' been classified as 'getting on a bit'????!! Think I'd better retire quietly now!

harrassedmum · 18/09/2004 00:26

Wish i did know his no, would have a good moan at the same time! Dont bother with human resouces, they'll probably get you working there after all!

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harrassedmum · 18/09/2004 00:25

Thanks cab, i am depressed at the mo, but hoping it wont turn out too bad when i get into it. We are just starting second year, so 1 of us would need to put off for 2 years really, which we are getting on a bit, almost 30!! And i dont think we'd be much better off financially or time wise if 1 of us worked full time instead. Its hard to explain really, but i cant see a way of not carrying on so just have to try and make the best of it i think. Skive off some days with the kids. I do at least get a week off out of every 4 as its a stressfull job though. Has anyone else been in the situation where they have worked lots of hours with young kids? Any advice?

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tammybear · 18/09/2004 00:24

lol 80sMum

yeah i had been harrassedmum, so quite pleased that it didnt work out although mum keeps going on about i should write to their human resources about it. i know i should but i cant be bothered lol

80sMum · 18/09/2004 00:23

Anyone know Gordon's number?!!

harrassedmum · 18/09/2004 00:20

I dont know, it would mean him taking a pay cut! Dont blame you tammybear, no point being away from the kids to be no better off, but hopefully it will work out ok. I knew i'd read something about you were having second thoughts.

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cab · 18/09/2004 00:20

Sounds miserable harrassed mum. If you really are depressed about it, perhaps one of you could opt out of full time education, get a bit more work, see more of the kids and support the other. If you're young enough the other could do the uni thing at a later date??
If it's bad now what's it going to be like come the exams etc - or are you both well through your courses? Or correspondance courses?
Whatever you do look after yourself.

tammybear · 18/09/2004 00:17

80smum brill idea. quick get him on the phone!!

80sMum · 18/09/2004 00:14

Wouldn't it be better if everyone got benefits, just like everyone gets child benefit? Then everything you earned on top of that would be your own, you wouldn't have to declare it and there would be no such thing as benefit fraud? Better off people would pay the whole lot back in tax anyway and it would be so much cheaper to administer, with no means tests or having to prove anything. Everyone would get the same flat rate - and that's all you'd get, no other frills or benefits - so any job, no matter how small or low paid, would make you better off? What do you think? Shall I tell Gordon Brown to give it a go?

tammybear · 18/09/2004 00:11

it was a couple of hours weekday afternoons and saturdays, and there was two weeks training as well. im quite glad it didnt work out as i wasnt too sure about it in the first place. i have a feeling i wont be that much better off if i got a job, but with xmas coming up, any little bit i can make extra will help. ive applied for a few jobs already, but only really wanted to work til about january and see if me working makes money any better or any worse than i already am. if it does no difference, ill probably go back to being a SAHM.

harrassedmum · 18/09/2004 00:09

Thanks 80's mum, last year my house got in such a state, bare essentials only! Took weeks to reorganize!

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harrassedmum · 18/09/2004 00:07

Deary me! I was on my own with dd as a baby and the council were crap, but luckily my landlord was my now dp, so i got away with murder (late payments, though he never let me off any rent, tightwad, even after we got together). Shame about work, although was it going to be long hours? I know i remember reading about it. Benefits are crap but tbh, when i was on my own i looked for work and found i wouldnt be much better off, mainly because im not qualified in anything, which is how i ended up back at college.

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80sMum · 18/09/2004 00:04

Well, you're right about the housework!! Keep it to essentials only. This is not the time to be houseproud. Good luck harrassedmum, I hope it all works out for you.

tammybear · 18/09/2004 00:03

never started working lol. they really messed me around so cant be bothered with it now. but looking else where for a job. benefits r crap though arent they? my rents gone up and the council say my housing benefit might not go up depending on when the rent officer looked at my claim last

harrassedmum · 18/09/2004 00:00

I know 80's mum, thats what i keep thinking though at the moment the voluntary work is only 3 hours a week and i can take the kids with me which they both enjoy, though i wont be able to do that forever, so when this stint ends i probably will give it up for a while, but i do need the experience as well as the education, same goes for the job. Tammybear, we do get help, but its still not enough to live on, childcare is just over £1000 per term and dont know how much help we get this year but last year we got next to nothing so this takes up almost all of 1 of our student loans. We are just trying not to get into too much debt as well!! I suppose i will just have to see how it goes and make the most of the time i do get. The housework can be left i suppose! Are you still working tammybear?

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