Frequently sick child - running out of leave

[IrritableBitchSyndrome]

I started work in September when 4 yr old DD started school. She is off school currently with a D&V bug, her third since September. She is not the type to bounce back quickly, and is usually symptomatic for a full week. The school have the usual policy of only allowing children to return once they have had 48 hrs symptom free. I have a relatively small holiday allowance of 22 days per year, DH has 25 days. I have already used 11 days in order to look after DD, and it's only November. DH is running out of holiday, there are no local friends or relatives who could step in. What on earth do people do in this situation? I can 'buy' 2 days holiday between now and next September (should I actually pass my probation which is now not looking certain.) This week I worked on Sunday to cover my Monday shift in order to be at home with DD on Monday but that's not repeatable. We were hoping to be able to save enough leave to have a few days off together for a holiday sometime this year but I can't see how we can pull that off. That seems like a distant secondary problem compared to struggling to cover child illness and teacher training days. Argh! Any advice, anyone?

[IrritableBitchSyndrome]

flowery, unfortunately, he is a senior manager so the company we both work for need him on any given day more than they need me. He also earns 3x my salary so his bought leave day costs us 3x mine. When we met, I out-earned him by about 30%, but since having our child, which disabled me physically and made it very difficult to get back into work, his earnings have increased and mine have halved. I am quite bitter about this. So yeah. I take your point, but the subtleties of the situation make it particularly tricky.

[RedSkyAtNight]

Most Reception children do not have 11 days off in the first 8-9 weeks of term.
DH and I have no helpful family on hand, but we split all children's sickness between us, plus (depending on how sick the child is) some ability to work at home.

IME senior managers actually find it easier to have ad-hoc time off, unless they are in a role that requires them to be in the workplace - it's much easier for them to be "working at home" or "catching up later".

I think you are in a particularly bad situation because you've just started a new job, DH has not saved any leave (hindsight a wonderful thing) and your child has been particularly ill. If you can weather through to April, next year should be much easier.

[HopelesslydevotedtoGu]

Could your dh work from home at all? If your daughter is not that poorly but just needs to be away from school can he work around keeping an eye on her? As a senior person he will have more flexibility on this.

Look at Emergency Nanny websites. They offer nannies to cover illnesses. Expensive though!

Do you have any family who could travel and stay with you and provide childcare? In a similar situation my mil was happy to come and stay and look after poorly child whilst we worked, we paid her train fare.

As you're in probation I really would prioritise you not missing any more work (even though dh earns more can you afford for him to take some unpaid days off? Or can you literally not afford it?). Long term it's better financially for you to keep this job, even if it temporarily reduces his earnings with some unpaid leave.

Can you speak to your manager about the situation? It might be helpful to gauge their level of concern, and to explain that this really isn't the norm for your daughter.

[Popskipiekin]

OP, we’ve had Sitters when DC have had fevers, chickenpox, diarrhoea. All upfront with agency and they sent people who had had chickenpox/were happy to deal with poorly but not deaths door children!
No I’ve never booked a sitter when child was actively vomiting - I think that’s an instance I would stay home and mop fevered brows etc, would probably feel bad to leave them, though I’ve chanced it and left them with Sitters when they’ve been sick in the night, trusting it was mostly out of the system... I basically am under a 3 line whip and try never to take time off if I possibly can, though this piles on a different guilt of course. It’s never easy, I do sympathise, but I think having an emergency nanny at your fingertips is a very useful thing (we are in London and they will usually send someone within 2 hours if I book very first thing, and I can always get someone the next day when booking night before). We pay a quarterly fee and a booking fee for each booking, so it’s not the cheapest but it’s another option to throw into the mix. Yes you won’t know the Sitters but the more you use the agency the more likely you are to get someone you/DD have met before (you can request the same person but they might not be available). Hope you do find a solution. Your poor DD seems to have been quite unlucky - hopefully she will have toughened up by next winter!

[headintheproverbial]

I have a Reception aged child myself and neither he nor any other child in his class has had this amount of time off. I'd be looking into your daughter's health as a priority.

We also don't have any local grandparents (only 1 in the U.K. approx 6 hours away) so I do understand how stuck you can get without that sort of local support.

But I also run a team of people and can only imagine how wearing it is for your employer.

[flowery]

”unfortunately, he is a senior manager so the company we both work for need him on any given day more than they need me. He also earns 3x my salary so his bought leave day costs us 3x mine.”

Neither of those things makes your own frequent absence easier to deal with and sustain for your line manager/department/immediate colleagues.

If your DH is so valuable and valued, he’s not going to lose his job over taking some emergency time off. You might. The attitude that “DH earn more and his job is more important” sends your manager the message that you don’t consider your own commitment to the company to be important.Yes in your case the employer happens to be the same, but the principle is no different.

Women do this frequently, placing a disproportionate amount of the burden of unexpected absence (or sometimes the entire burden!) on their own employer even though it puts their job at risk, damages any goodwill they might have earned, ruins their career prospects (meaning they keep earning lots less than their DH rather than catching up) and lives up to the stereotype of unreliable mothers which puts businesses off hiring them in the first place.

[headintheproverbial]

Completely agree with your flowery.

[TerrifyingFeistyCupcake]

unfortunately, he is a senior manager so the company we both work for need him on any given day more than they need me.

Sorry but this is rubbish. Your company coped without him on all those annual leave days he already used, they'll cope if he spends a few days WFH while caring for his child, and as a senior valued person nobody will say boo to him about it.

It's his child too, he needs to step up. If it's him that's feeding you this rubbish, call him on it.

[Babbitywabbit]

You need to find a sitter who will cover these periods of time. Not easy I know, and probably more expensive than normal childcare because it’s ad hoc rather than regular but I think that’s your best option.
Look at it this way: at least your child is in school now so your child care costs are much lower than if she were a baby so financially it’s doable.

TBH this is a phase many parents go through, just a lot of us hit it several years earlier returning to work and the child starting nursery. Your child will build up immunity and it won’t be this bad for ever but it’s relentless at the time.

I think you should also expect your dh to take half of however many days you do have to take off to cover the sickness- you’ve fallen into that classic trap of allowing your dh to overtake and out earn you, and then believing he can’t take
Time off. Split what you can between you and pay for someone to do the rest

[Amaried]

Yep.. your dh needs to step up I think. In my company with that level of absence your probation would definitely be extended

[dogdaysareover]

OP, I think you are getting a really hard time on this thread. Lots of posters acting as though you are actively choosing to take time off work and make life difficult for your employer. I am in exactly the same boat, DS is a sickly child; he has a great diet, lots of exercise, fresh air, etc, he just picks up every bug going (and I do insist on good hand washing practices ). Sometimes that is just they it is and fwiw DD is a hardy little thing who (touch wood) seems made of sterner stuff. Neither DH nor I in jobs which you can work at home or flexibly (teacher and GP) and no family around, friends work and tbf, it would have to be a really stellar friend to look after a child with norovirus...I consider myself a good friend but I wouldn't do this because I know that it would just pass through to y family and we would be up shit creek (quite literally) within a few days. I have no solutions, but just wanted to offer some support because I feel basically telling you what a rubbish employee your manager will see you as is spectacularly unhelpful. Perhaps it is corporate culture that needs to change, but that is another thread. Anyway, my strategy as a teacher is to give what I can at other times, e.g. revision sessions after school and in holiday time, running summer schools, etc (I have done days of holiday revision usually unpaid). I kind of sell it to work that yes I may need to take emergency time off (bad, unreliable mother), but I sure as hell will do anything to keep my job and that includes showing as much good will to them as they show me. I am sure they still view me as unreliable, but it is the best I can do. And to those saying why can't DH take time off? How many would moan if they couldn't get into to see their GP because he was at home with a sick child? AS a parent, it is a lose-lose situation.

[StealthPolarBear]

Is it better for a teacher to be off than a GP though

[dogdaysareover]

Both equally bad. DH does take fair share of days and he will try to shunt around appointments, but this is an obvious annoyance to patients, as it is obvious annoyance to my exam classes and their parents. But, what can be done? When a child is vomiting and you don't have a 'village' something simply has to give.

[StealthPolarBear]

Yes exactly but I thought you were suggesting he couldn't take time off

[Loverunandwine]

I’ve had to use an emergency nanny agency before. It’s not cheap but occasionally I didn’t have a choice.