annoyed with constant questions from colleagues

[lost2016]

Grrrrrrrrrrr I am so annoyed, I have been back to work since Monday and I am getting sick of the endless questions about who has my daughter whilst I work but today I had just about had enough and was thinking the next person who asks.......well.
I know they say people are only showing an interest but that is an excuse that nosey people use.......I mean common sense would tell you that my child is with family/ daddy/ friends or childcare of some form. I feel like turning round and saying I have left her home alone hanging upside down from the ceiling, it is just getting too much when it feels like every other person is asking me.
I spoke to one of the girls at work and even she straight out said 'duh, use your common sense'
Ok so I start at 5:30am so there aren't any childcare providers about at that time but there is family/ friends/ daddy. I feel like sometimes saying and 'who has/had your kids while you work?'
The thing is there is showing an interest and the is being fing nosey, I would never dream of asking people who had their kids whilst they work - I would use my brain and realise that they are with family/ friend/ daddy etc
It's the fact people ask questions or sorry interrogate you to get information out of you, I find them very invasive and I hate being questioned about anything, I feel like a child who still lives with her mummy, the way I see it people should be free to tell other what they want without feeling like they are at the police station.
I normally just stand there and say I have sorted but thank you - just in case they say they didn't ask that - I can then say 'oh sorry, I thought you were asking as you know of someone who does childminding on the cheap' or something to that effect.
Has anyone else been through this, how did you deal with it, or did you not mind the

[squidgyapple]

It's what people ask - my DCs are secondary school age and if it's half term or whatever I'll be asked who is looking after them. It's a bit dull but it isn't personal.

[Fairuza]

Gosh, that's such a bland question I'm amazed anyone finds it offensive! People at work ask how old my kids are, who looks after them etc all the time. It's in the same category as 'are you off on holiday this year?' and 'doing anything nice at the weekend?'.

[seven201]

It's just small talk. I really wouldn't be bothered if I was asked this a lot.

[ArgyMargy]

Jeez, relax! They may be impressed that you've found childcare at 5.30am! More likely it's just small talk. If you can't answer nicely don't be surprised if people leave you alone in future - or maybe that's what you'd prefer

[NerrSnerr]

It's just polite conversation. I returned after mat leave in September and people asked me, it didn't feel like an interrogation though. Glad I don't work with you with your sarky responses.

[avocadosweet]

I think i know every colleague's childcare arrangements! There is always someone who is on leave because the childminder is ill, or had a call from nursery saying the child is ill. Then there's arranging childcare vouchers, and moaning about the cost of childcare. i don't find it at all intrusive for them to know where my children are, and I'd consider myself a private person. I think it's supportive of people to ask, as we're all in the same boat.

[MargotLovedTom]

Agree, you sound a bit snippy. All you need to answer is "She's with her dad/grandparents," and that's it. Do a face if it makes you feel better but, you know, you've only been back a few days, I'm sure no one will be asking next week.

[intheairthatnightfernando]

You have a very odd attitude to this and it sounds like you have something to conceal, although goodness knows what.
This sounds like a scenario that would totally perplex most people - where antagonism could spring from a totally neutral question/remark.

[Whatthefreakinwhatnow]

Interrogating! 😂😂 Bloody hell OP, I bet you are a right barrel or laughs to work with! When people ask this stuff, they don't actually give a shit, they are just making polite small talk, you know, so thst there isn't a cold, fridge atmosphere in the office.

Get a grip!

[SolomanDaisy]

People don't actually give a shit where your daughter is. They're being polite, you've just returned to work and it's an obvious question to start a conversation with. I doubt they can even remember what you answered. They'll remember how much hard work you were though.

[PerfectlyPosed]

Wow I can't understand why this is getting you so worked up! They aren't "interrogating" you, they're asking a relevant question under the circumstances.

[lougle]

Someone dared to ask me how old my children are tonight, as we sat in the sitting room, waiting for handover. Well I told them to wind their neck in, with their intrusive questioning and nosiness....oh wait, no, I didn't; I said "10, 8 and 7". Because they were making small talk. To be polite.

[Optimist1]

I bet the last 2 posters are one of these people that wants to know everything out of a ducks arse. - sorry, you got me wrong there, OP. I'm just a person who will make small talk with colleagues to keep the workplace a relatively sociable place. I'm probably the least nosy person you could meet.

As Maybe says, there's a simple way to ensure that you're not bothered by these or other questions. (And we'll look out for your next thread "AIBU to be pissed off at colleagues who don't even acknowledge I've had a baby?")

[Girliefriendlikesflowers]

I don't really get why it stresses you out it sounds like people are just trying to be friendly. Kids are a good conversation starter, they might want a recommendation on a nursery or cm or be looking for ideas for when they start their own family.

You sound really grumpy and unfriendly tbh.

[lougle]

They're trying to build a relationship with you! They're using a trivial question to open up communication. I've worked at my workplace 8 months now and I'm still asked who has the children while I work. Is it really so hard to say 'oh I'm really lucky that I have supportive family who can have the children while I work'?? They aren't looking for a detailed report of what time you wake Jemima and what time she must have had breakfast by in order for so and so to be able to take her to the nursery, etc.

If they are younger than you, they may well be imagining themselves in the same situation and wondering how it would work. I have a young colleague who said to me (mid thirties with 3 children at two schools and a governor role) "how do you do it all? I find it hard enough to do our job on its own, but somehow you manage to do our job, your school role and your children. You never come in moaning about it or expecting special favours on the off-duty." She wasn't being intrusive. She just can't yet imagine her life as a mother and finds it fascinating to see a slightly older woman with different demands on her time.

[BackforGood]

You need to take a chill pill.
People are just chatting. For most people, that would be a fairly safe line of chat for someone who has just started back to work.
You really are over reacting. Are you not confident in the arrangements you have in place or something? As this sounds like someone has touched a really raw nerve with what is genuinely an innocuous comment.

[MrsSpecter]

I bet the last 2 posters are one of these people that wants to know everything out of a ducks arse



Or maybe we arent looking at it from your perspective of having a cery obvious chip on your shoulder and can see that theyre just making conversation. I was in two kinds about whether you actually did have some issue with this particular question or whether its just a personality thing but having see your latest posts i was right the first time. You have an issue with leaving your daughter, for whatever reason and as a result you are in defence mode as soon as anyone even mentions it. Deal with your issue. Those people are just making conversation.

[Twooter]

I am so glad I don't have to work with someone like you.
It's small talk. It's not a big deal.

[drspouse]

Annoying isn't it? I'm finishing up a work trip and people ask daft questions.
"Oh are they at home with your DH?"
(Check watch) No, they're at nursery.
"Oh will your DH manage?"
I should jolly well hope so, he's an adult. That comment tells me more about you (dad of one) than us or our 2 children.

[lost2016]

Plus its no one else's business who has her, only I need to know where she is.........There'll be wanting to know when I last went to the toilet next!

[lost2016]

I feel like saying I have left her home alone, she has all the things around her and is well trained.
I don't think I am being sensitive, I think they are being god damn nosey- even at that time of the morning there is such a thing as family/friends and her daddy. As I have said I would never dream of asking people who has their little one, whatever the time of day we are at work as its f**king common sense - wind your neck in and get on with your family and don't worry about mine! If I want to tell you on my own free will I will happily tell people things but please don't interrogate me.
As I have also said 'just taking an interest' is what nosey people use as an excuse to justify why they are asking. I bet the last 2 posters are one of these people that wants to know everything out of a ducks arse. I agree with pedestrian.
Anyway I asked for advise on how to deal with this, not peoples opinions, I wish I had never posted nothing now and this has left me feeling more annoyed and upset then I was already.

[Optimist1]

It sounds as though they're just taking an interest - you've been off on maternity leave, had your baby and are now back at work. The very early start does limit your childcare options, so they're asking a perfectly normal and polite question. You appear to be very sensitive about this!

[MrsSpecter]

You sound like you have a real chip on your shoulder about this. Whats the big deal about saying "family/daycare"? Its hardly the long buried family secret.