Tips on settling a 10 month old into nursery

[Coane]

I'm due to go back to work for 3 days a week in July. I rang the nursery today to ask about when to start settling my daughter in. My friends have varied some have started 6 weeks before some 2 days before! Anyway I've (stupidly) booked a holiday for 10 days at the end of June, this would then leave a week and then I would start work. The nursery said that there is no point in settling my daughter in and then going on holiday as everything would be undone as she would have forgotten the nursery after the holiday and I would just have to start again.
So they suggested that I go in every day in the week before I go back. I've decided to start back a week later than planned so it will be two weeks after our holiday.
I'm not sure whether I agree with the nursery that if I start taking my daughter in June then she will have forgotten during the week on holiday. I feel a bit frightened that two weeks won't be enough time.
I have left her with creches (at the gym) which she hated which is the reason for my concern.I have also left her with her Dad for 3 days and my Mum overnight. She is fine if she is with someone she knows which is why I'm worried that she won't know the people in 2 weeks.

[bluebear]

Thanks again, it has been really reassuring to know that other mums think he's just acting normally :-)

[threeangels]

Blubear just give your ds a little more time and see what happens. Sometimes when a child takes time off and goes back again tis like starting all over again. He probally needs more time. Definatley go and observe when they have no clue your coming maybe in the middle of the day just to make sure their not ignoring him since they know you wont be coming back for a good while. Dont want to upset you I am just concerned. Ive seen kids being ignored many times because the individual worker was stressed and did not want to deal with the situation. May even not be in your case though. The other thing I would recommend is visit a few times because you may come at a time when your ds is crying and the worker wasnt able at that exact time to attend to him. If all the visits tend to be the same situation (him crying) then maybe he is not getting the attention needed. I say this because Ive had times when Ive gotten so busy making a bottle, getting art supplies ready or changing a diaper and the parent of a crying baby would come by to visit or pick them up and they would be crying at that moment (not long) To the parent it seems like they were crying all day. Good Luck

[bluebear]

Pupuce, he was allocated a new key worker yesterday but I haven't met her yet, as the staff work shifts. I'm hoping that a couple of weeks with this new key worker will have him smiling again. I'm trying to be very postive about nursery in front of ds, however difficult it is to prise him off me when I drop him off! I am reassured that you feel he is acting normally too.

I think there is a fine line between keeping a parent informed that their baby isn't very happy at the moment, and insinuating that their baby is a 'problem'. I'm having a few problems with this nursery (ie. Ds is a hungry baby and has milk am and pm.. the last week they've only given him milk in the afternoon... which could be one reason why he's whingy.) so I think I may have to take some time off work and make an appointment with the manager/key worker to go through them. I would like to feel like nursery and I are bringing him up 'together' not that they tolerate him there as long as he fits their routine and doesn't ask for attention.

[bluebear]

Threeangels, thanks for replying. I was wondering about popping in unexpectedly to see whether they seem to be giving him the attention he is asking for. I normally watch him through a window for a couple of minutes when I pick him up and he always seems to be playing happily with a member of staff nearby or holding him. (The nursery he goes to is quite empty in the afternoons so there is often one member of staff for two babies.)
But they still tell me that he's not settled.

[pupuce]

It is tricky Bluebear... I do understand when you feel sensitive about their comments - I would and I have... well they are PAID by you to look after your child.

I do think it's normal behaviour but has his key worker been replaced and can that person spend a bit more time with him ??? Is that too much to ask ?
Obviously as you know the more your child see how comfortable and self-assured you are when you drop him off, the better...

[threeangels]

Bluebear without a doubt your child is acting normal. Working in many daycares over the years Ive seen this so many times. As far as the workers that is their job to help a child ease into or back into the daycare seen. Sometimes it can be stressful but it is there responsibility to give your child the attention needed to adjust again to daycare. This is the age when seperation anxiety tends to start. You have a right to be sensitive. I know I was with all my kids. Do you feel the staff is not giving your child the attention your ds needs to get used to things again? Maybe you can go and observe unexpectedly to see how he is doing. This might help ease your mind a little.

[threeangels]

Bluebear without a doubt your child is acting normal. Working in many daycares over the years Ive seen this so many times. As far as the workers that is their job to help a child ease into or back into the daycare seen. Sometimes it can be stressful but it is there responsibility to give your child the attention needed to adjust again to daycare. This is the age when seperation anxiety tends to start. You have a right to be sensitive. I know I was with all my kids. Do you feel the staff is not giving your child the attention your ds needs to get used to things again? Maybe you can go and observe unexpectedly to see how he is doing. This might help ease your mind a little.

[bluebear]

My 10 month ds has been going to nursery part -time for the last 3 and a half months. According to the staff, he took about a month to settle in, and then although he cried when he was dropped off/picked up, we were told he was happy and full of smiles during the day.

He has recently had a week and a half off due to chicken pox/jubilee bank holiday, and has been back at nursery for a week. Since this break, which co-incided with his key-worker leaving, every time I pick him up I am told that he wouldn't settle and needed lots of attention.

As far as I can see, this is completely natural behaviour for a 10 month old who has been ill, been away from nursery, and lost his keyworker. He has a reasonable amount of stranger anxiety ( won't go to strangers for a cuddle unless they make the effort of chatting/playing with him for 10 minutes first), but seems very happy when he's at home with me and his Dad.

So the question is this, do any experienced Mums think that ds is behaving like a typical 10 month old?

The tone of the nursery staff's comments seems to me to be 'This child is causing us problems by needing attention'. May be I'm a sensitive first time Mum but it is upsetting me (although not letting ds see that).

[Coane]

Thank you for all your help and advice.
I was too stressed at the thought of only having two weeks to get my daughter settled in the nursery so I haven't started taking her now. I have been taking her on visits for two weeks. She was really unhappy at first but left her for 2 hours today and she was fine.
I'm going to leave her for 1 day a week in June before I go back to work. Then she will know them and feel more comfortable being left.
Thanks again

[threeangels]

Coane I forgot to mention that if you are planning to stay the whole time with your child while she is adjusting try to give her a little time with you not there. Maybe in the second week for a little in the day towards the end. I feel its better to gradually add this in rather then just leave all together when you go back to work. Ive seen children get so used to mom being there and then when the day comes when they leave them all day its like they go into shock.

[threeangels]

Coane as a daycare worker of 14 years I have seen parents go through this exact situation. I have dealt with this type of thing myself at the daycares Ive worked at. How old is your child? My personal advice would be to go with what you have decided. Going back to work a week later then planned. Ive worked with one to two year olds. If you feel your child will have a hard time adjusting it would probally be better to take her for the two weeks staight rather then brake it up. Ive seen this type of thing happen many times. The child would come for a short while and never fully adjust then go on a vacation and come back just to react the same way from the very beginning. This situation really depends on how emotional your child is. Ive dealt with some children that took 2-3 months to adjust. Others could be left the first day. If you feel your child will need a good amount of time to adjust then I would just wait till after you get back. The nursery probally gave you the advice because they most likely have dealt with these situations. All daycare nursery have to work with helping some children adjust. Good Luck

[Marina]

Coane, try not to worry. I did a two-week settle-in with my ds, who was 8 months old at the time, and had to be removed from a childminder because he couldn't settle with her, and he settled at nursery beautifully. We built it up from a couple of hours to a full day over that period.
He is still there two years on (almost to the week...) and very happy.
Don't let dd's unhappiness at being left in gym creche put you off. A good nursery's staff look at their charges as a "long-term investment" if you like, and because they are going to be seeing plenty of each other, they are very committed to making a child feel happy and settled. A gym creche, however well set-up and staffed, is only really a stop-gap - and maybe even quite small babies sense this (not that I don't think they're a godsend).
Our son had a six-week break from nursery about ten weeks after starting there and his keyworker did say it was not unusual for children up to about 1 to forget routines if away from them for a while. He was fine, but I think your nursery have given you wise advice.

[trudles]

try not to worry my daughters been going to the same nursery for a couple of years and still has off days when I leave her there but once Ive gone she's fine. She'll soon get to know familar faces . If your anxous she may pick up on it too.